


See It Through

by trinuil



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Abduction, Angry Thorin Oakenshield, Attempted Sexual Assault, Birth, Bows & Arrows, Celebrations, Character Death, Childhood Friends, Complete, Crystal Gems, Cunnilingus, Daggers, Danger, Dresses, Drunk Thorin, Drunkenness, Durin's Day, Dwarf Courting, Dwarf Culture & Customs, Dwarves, Erebor, F/M, Feast, Fire, Fluff, Happy, Heartbreak, Home Invasion, Hurt, Inheritance, Jewelry, Love, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Mead, Middle Earth, Original Character Death(s), Past, Plot, Pre-Lord of The Rings, Pre-The Hobbit, Pregnancy, Presents, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reader-Insert, Returning Home, Rumors, Scars, Smaug - Freeform, Underage Sex, Walking In On Someone, Wedding Planning, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-05-11 08:52:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 66,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5620888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinuil/pseuds/trinuil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm currently working on three fics: this, butterflies in the mountains and another one. I'm sorry I've been away for so long. It's been a shit year, let's be real here.<br/>This chapter is just an introduction and I'll be posting the next one soon I promise. </p><p>Please comment and leave kudos, and as always, enjoy! :)</p></blockquote>





	1. Then and Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently working on three fics: this, butterflies in the mountains and another one. I'm sorry I've been away for so long. It's been a shit year, let's be real here.  
> This chapter is just an introduction and I'll be posting the next one soon I promise. 
> 
> Please comment and leave kudos, and as always, enjoy! :)

He was waiting for an answer.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, your mind was hazy and your palms were clamy. Looking into his pale blue eyes however, you felt like there was only one answer you _should_ give him. 

As a the daughter of a wealthy jeweler, your parents had been preparing you all your life; polishing your skills, teaching you the tools of their trade and dressing you in the finest silks gold could buy. All so that one day you can marry into a worthy household that could better your family’s status. 

Of course your parents had your best interests in heart. And you felt obliged to honor your family’s wishes because they didn’t have a son to sustain their wealth and expand business. As the eldest daughter, it was your duty to do what you can to help your family. 

In Erebor, just like in any other kingdom, one’s status heavily depended on their social connections and money. The lucky few who had the opportunity to have a taste of wealth and power, more often than not would develop an unquenchable thirst for more. 

Your family had been among the many lower-middle class people of Erebor, when the Valar had smiled down upon your family; a distant relative of yours had passed away leaving no heir, neither did they have any immediate relatives who still drew breath.

At the time your father was slaving away in a mine while your mother was working at a bakery with two children at her hip. So when a letter arrived baring the news that your father had fallen heir to a very prosperous diamond mine and an dormant Opal mine, he wasn’t too hesitant to accept. His days of endless digging and dirt baths were at an end and now he commanded the mines and could finally afford a decent house and jewels and all the fine things for his wife and daughters. 

Your mother had wept tears of joy that day as she hugged your father. You and your baby sister had looked on in confusion; you had no idea that countless doors had opened for you that day. 

And now here you stood before one of those open doors. 

How handsome he looks; his straight prominent nose, sharp jawline almost concealed with his short beard, big sky blue eyes and thick locks of black wavy hair with beads securing his braids. 

When your father was invited to court to discuss his newly inherited wealth, of course he took your very excited mother and his precious dwarflings; you and your sister Iari, who had just learned to walk. Little did they know, the real purpose of the invitation was to offer your father the chance to work together with the major jewelers of the royal family to fashion crowns, jeweled gifts and the like for the King. Opal was a rarity in Arda, even in the dwarven mines. But your diseased relative had been a negligent caretaker who had let the Opal mine fall into disrepair and eventually forgotten. But your father saw potential and with hope he set about bringing the mine back to life with the profits of his diamond mine.

You had been peering over a ledge of one of the many walkways that went down into the depths of the mine while your father was in deep conversation with the head miner, when a loud voice boomed from seven flights of steps below:

“My Lord! We found it! We found it!”

Your father had grasped your tiny hand and pulled you over his shoulder before running down to see what the commotion was about. When he reached the dwarf, he saw the elated expression on his face, “My Lord, Opals! Bigger than Durin’s fist! His hammer!”, he gasped between laughs, pointing in the direction of his discovery. Your father followed when he ran towards it, so did the surrounding dwarfs. You held onto your father’s beard to keep from falling and when you saw it your eyes widened in wonder and amazement: a huge chunk of the stone wall had been hacked away to reveal clusters upon clusters of pure Opal. The light of the torches made the multicolor gems reflect their colours on to the walls, making the whole space look mystical.

Within a fortnight, word of your good fortune had spread across Erebor, so when Thror heard of your father’s Opal mine he sent for him at once. You had been completely baffled by the interior of the palace, especially the throne room which had intricate columns supporting a heavily jeweled ceiling. The walls were covered with patterns that encased glittering gems. And there you met the royal family for the first time. Thror sat on the throne adorned by his royal garb and a crown that would have made any king jealous. His son, Thráin the second of his name, stood next to him with his hands clasped behind his back and a stoic expression on his face. 

You had stood there in silence as your parents bowed and began discussing business. You were too young to have any interest in their conversation. You had been holding Iari’s hand to keep the toddler from wandering off and at the same time you were twisting your head in every direction to take in the stupendous craftsmanship around you. You had been so absorbed in its majesty that you barely felt your sister’s hand slip out of yours. 

It took you awhile to realize that Iari was missing, and when you did you had panicked. You remember looking around trying to see her blonde head and when you didn’t you had slowly slipped out of the throne room without your parents noticing. Racing down one of the many hallways in hopes of finding Iari, you thought about how much trouble you’d get into with your mother if she notices you two were missing. 

Turning down around a corner you stopped short as relief flooded your body. A young dwarf had Iari in his arms. Her yellow curls bounced as she squeezed her amber eyes shut letting out peals of laughter. You shyly walked up to the dwarf, “Um, excuse me..I’m sorry if she was bothering you”, you said playing with a lock of your hair. He turned to look at you and smiled while Iari squealed your name, “Not at all little one. We were having a conversation about dragons”, he said. Iari giggled and held her arms out, “yeah y/n, I’m a dragon! RAWR!”. You offered her a smile and took her in your arms. She was much too heavy for your tiny body and you had to put her down quickly. “Thank you”, you said to the stranger but before you could turn around to leave he spoke, “You are the daughters of Keilen Ironfist, are you not?”, his bright blue eyes were the only feature of him that wasn’t intimidating you realized. You nodded once and let him continue, “Ah, then I bet your parents are in the throne room speaking with my father..which is of little interest to you", he chuckled before noticing your eyes widen in surprise. He smiled and gave you a small nod, “Permit me to inroduce myself.. Thorin”, you quickly bent in a curtsy, “My Prince”. 

He chuckled for he thought you were the vision of childish innocence, “They will be in there for quite a while. If you’d like, you could come with me, I know of someone who likes dragons as much as you do”, he said rubbing his short beard and throwing a glance at Iari. She gasped and tugged at your arm, “Can we? Pweeese y/n?”, you hesitated looking over your shoulder in the direction of the throne room. “I will send someone to let them know where you are little one”, Thorin smiled.

You accepted his offer and had followed him to an open courtyard filled with trees, various flowers and butterflies. A dwarfling of your age ran upto Thorin and threw his small arms around his waist, “Khâzash! (Brother)”. Thorin ruffled his pitch black hair and spoke, “I have found some new friends for you, Y/N and Iari. Play with them”, Thorin said gesturing to you and Iari. Pulling back, the little lord had offered you a grin, “Hello, my name is Frerin. And that’s my sister Dís”, he pointed to the far end of the courtyard where a little toddler sat playing with a exquisitely crafted doll. She had her brothers’ blue eyes along with chestnut brown curls. Frerin had offered you his hand, “Would you like to play?”, and you took it willingly.

Twelve years later here you stood again with Frerin’s hand in yours in the same courtyard. He had grown into a fine dwarf; his soft childhood features have disappeared and were replaced by strong cheekbones and deep set brooding eyes that lit up only for you. He had just reached maturity and passed his rites of passage, he wore his newly acquired bead in his thick mane to show it. 

You had frequented the palace after that meeting many years ago and it went without saying that you were very close with the princes and princess. Your mother had of coursed encouraged it in hopes that one day one of the princes will fancy you. 

Did you love Frerin? Of course you did. He had been your closest friend, you trusted him with your life. He had been there when you cut your first tooth, shot your first arrow, he had been there to wipe away your tears when you fell down the steps in Thror’s treasure hold. And this was what your parents have been waiting for…so much depended on what you would say next; Frerin’s heart, your parents’ future and yours. 

You knew Frerin would never make you unhappy, he would provide you with everything your heart desired…and he truly _loved_ you. 

There was no real reason to refuse him.

You gave his hand a tight squeeze and smiled, “Yes.. my prince, I will marry you”. His eyes lit up with pure joy as he pulled you closer, “I was so afraid you’d say no”, he whispered. You blushed looking down, he lightly brushed a lock of your hair away from your burning cheek, “I’m aware that I skipped the part where I was to court you before I asked for your hand…I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you Gimleluh (my star of stars).“ He rested his forehead on yours and his âzyungâl bead clinking against your own. You too had received it only a few months ago when you got your first blood. 

“I knew I’d have no other, if not you. I may never be King, but I swear upon Aule that I will treat you like a Queen”, his words warmed your soul. He was a shy dwarf especially when it came to matters of the heart and you wouldn’t have known of his feelings for you had he not told you so. There was the occasional compliment and lingering glances that you felt were out of character for Frerin, but you’ve always dismissed them without a second thought. “Frerin, I will be honored to share my life with you”, you said with a smile. 

He chuckled as you slowly brought your hands up to rest on his chest over his blue and gold embroidered tunic, while his free arm encircled your waist and closed the gap between you two. Your heart raced as you looked into his eyes, “May I kiss you?”, he asked in a barely audible whisper; your cheeks reddened, your reply was to slowly lean in by a fraction. His lips met yours. Your fingers curled into his tunic, your eyes slid shut. He smelled like he always did, like pine needles mixed with a pleasant sort of musk. His lips felt soft but rigid and tasted of nothing, but he was gentler than the breeze that danced through the flowers in the courtyard. Both of you pulled back and when he opened his eyes and you saw that he looked a bit dazed, "I-”, he was cut off by Dís’ voice echoing across the courtyard. 

“Frerin! Do hurry! You’ve kept me waiting long enough.”

Frerin sighed, “Forgive me, I do not want to leave you. Not like this. But I will see you tonight at the feast”, he kissed your cheek before letting go of you. You bent your head as a sign of respect, “Think nothing of it”, you smiled. He bowed and started walking towards Dís.

You took in a deep breath and leaned against a tree to steady your nerves. You were to wed one of the princes. A smile crept to your lips, you couldn’t help feeling excited, you couldn’t ask for a better husband.

Fixing the sliver corset that pinched your waist and teal dress into a perfect hourglass figure, you started towards one of the hallways. You reached the top of the stairs when you froze. Thorin was leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest, gazing out into the courtyard. He shifted his gaze to you and nodded, “Congratulations, Y/N”. His baritone voice carried a note of coldness. Was he mad at you? Did he think you unworthy of his brother? You didn’t have time to respond for he was already walking away. 

You kept on walking but your breathing became ragged and you had stop and lean against the wall to support your weight, for your legs have failed you. You felt hot tears stream down your face. 

Ah yes. Indeed you loved Frerin. But were you _in_ love with him? No. Because you were in love with Thorin. 


	2. Every Breath I Draw Will Be For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is way too long and I'm sorry!  
> This is why it took so long..  
> Welp. Enjoy! <3 And leave kudos and comments :)

_“Frerin!”, you called out between peals of laughter. Dead leaves and twigs snapped under your feet as you ran through the forest. Your pretty pink dress was almost drenched from trailing on the dewy ground, but what did you care? You were a free teenager, careless and harebrained.  
You stopped short and looked around, he couldn’t have gone far, “Alright, Frerin. You win! Come out now”, you called loudly. It was a silly game anyway. The forest looked darker than it usually did, you observed whole looking up towards the sky, the light was blocked off by the tall trees and their intertwining branches. Everything appeared green and otherworldly in what little light that managed to filter through the leaves._

_You spun around suddenly when you heard a nearby thicket of bushes rustled. Grinning, you picking up your skirts you dashed towards it._

_Breaking out through the bushes you promised yourself that next time you’d think twice before charging in head first. “Y/N!”, you heard Frerin shout from somewhere behind you but he was too far away to help._

_You dug your heels into the dirt coming to a halt before a startled white elk. It stood up on its hind legs, towering over you; you held your hands over your face as you realized that it was going to crush you._

_Terror had frozen your body, your eyes were squeezed shut as you awaited your demise. But all you heard was the sound of something whizzing past your ears and soon you felt an arm wrap around your waist as you were lifted up and pulled to the side. You opened your eyes when you heard a loud thud._

_Throrin looked angry._

_“Are you hurt?”, he demanded._

_All you could do was shake your head and look over your shoulder at where the elk had stood. It was now laying on its side with three arrows buried in its chest and red blood coating its white fur._

_Thorin slung his bow over his shoulder before easing you out of his grasp. His eyes ran over your form, inspecting for any damage done like he couldn’t take your word._

_“Th-thank you”, you said regaining your speech._

_You tried to steady your breathing and find your bearings._

_Thorin didn’t seem to hear your words of gratitude, “ What are you doing here?”, he snapped._

_“Thorin! Thank Durin you were here”, Frerin said a little out of breath as he ran over to you._

_“Yes, what if I hadn’t been?”, Thorin asked with fire in his eyes and ice in his tone, “I told you that you weren’t ready to be out in these parts of the forest”. Frerin held on to his dagger and moved to speak but Thorin cut him off, “She could have been fatally injured or worse._ You _could have been hurt”._

_You knew that Thorin loved his siblings above life and he couldn’t stand to see them being soft-headed. If you knew Thorin, you can believe that he took the tough love method to discipline his baby brother._

_Frerin bent his head in shame._

_You couldn’t let Frerin take the blame for this, “Thorin, it wasn’t his fault”, you said trying to trying to speak in a steady voice, “He didn’t want me to come with him. He said it was too dangerous..”, at that moment you realized that your hand was still in his, “..I didn’t listen”. You tried to retrieve your hand but he tightened his hold on you instead, you turned your head up to meet his gaze and when he didn’t respond you hung our head waiting for a scolding._

_“He should have known better than to have come himself”, Thorin said a little less harshly this time. He turned to leave pulling you along, “I’ll escort you back to the palace, Y/n. And Frerin, if you truly wish to prove yourself this badly, Dwalin is waiting through there. You two can bring that elk home for the feast tonight”._

_Frerin was more than happy to comply with Thorin’s small request. Thorin whistled and his pony cantered up to him, picking you up he placed you on the saddle before getting on himself. You looked over your shoulder as Thorin kicked the pony into a gallop, you threw Frerin a smile as he mouthed that he’ll see you soon._

* * *

You fixed a loose bead in your hair, making sure that half your ankle length hair was secure in the coil of braid that rested around your head. You ran your fingers through the other half of your hair that fell lose around you with tiny Opal beads sparsely distributed among it. You lowered the gold chalice you were admiring your reflection on and drank the last bit of mead before setting it down on the closest table.

The hall looked grand like it always did when the royal family held a feast. A thousand candles illuminated the large room, tapestries depicting stories of old adorned the stone walls, numerous rows of tables stood holding up a variety of mouthwatering food. And of course there was no shortage of ale, mead or rum. Lively music played without pause, lutes, fiddles, tambourines, viols, drums and harps all provided tunes for the merry drunken dwarrows and dwarrowdams to dance to.

You clapped along with the onlookers only to be pulled to the side by your mother, “Y/n! I’ve been looking all over for you!”, you sighed, ever since you told your parents of your engagement to Frerin, your mother hasn’t let you had a single second to yourself. She’s been harassing you about setting a date, fabrics for your wedding dress, food and flowers when all you wanted was to avoid the subject all together…at least for now. “I was just getting something to drink”, you supplied.

“When do you suppose Frerin will make the news public?”, your mother asked in a hushed voice. You shrugged, “Khagun (mother), it’s only been a few hours since he asked me. It may take awhile”, you said trying to stay calm. Your mother sighed and smoothed your satin dress. It was a beautiful green, the color of young leaves in spring, the sleeves were long and finished around your wrists, the neckline was deep enough to show off your assets and high enough to preserve your modesty. Your mother had laced the gold corset tighter than she usually did, so that your waist and hips were more prominent. You had completed the outfit with a beautiful diamond choker from which a single emerald hung in the shape of a teardrop and for your ears; a pair of matching emerald earrings.

Your mother ran a figure under your jawline and smiled at you, “You are beautiful, my little girl”, her voice almost cracked as she looked on with love in her eyes. You smiled back, everything she did..she did for your sake. “Âkminrûk zu, Khagun (Thank you, mother)”, you say just before you hear someone clear their throat behind you.

You spun around to face a blond dwarf with a rather long beard to match. He held his hand out, “If I may introduce myself m'lady, I am Fallas of the Firebeards”, your mother nudged you to take his hand and so you did. She’s been pressing you to expand your circle of friends and acquaintances at court, more people you know, the easier life gets…at least that’s what she’s been telling you.

“Y/n”, you bent in a curtsy to which the young Firebeard chucked at, “Of course I know who you are. Every dwarf from Erebor to Eriador is speaking of you and your family’s good fortunes”. You stifled a sigh, does everything in this place revolve around riches?

“Indeed”, you smiled, “and how fares your family?”, you knew that his family were Lords in Belegost and one of the wealthiest families in all of Ered Luin. Not because you cared to indulge in talk of money but because Iari couldn’t seem to talk of anyone but this dwarf for many moons now. Ever since he set foot in Erebor for the feast, all the young dwarrowdam seem to have lost their better judgement and fallen for his charm. You were never the one to fall solely for looks and a sideways smirk, but when he asked for a dance and looked at you with his big green eyes, you cursed yourself for accepting. 

Your feet did their best to keep up with the fast beat of the song while Fallas spun you around, 

“I’ve never seen such radiance in all my life”, he smiled as he snaked his arm around your waist. You smiled politely, “Have you been in Erebor long?”.

“A week. Since it is my first time here, I wanted to arrive early and have a look around. I must say, this place had me the minute I walked in. I feel like I should stay..”, he said looking you in the eye. This made you uncomfortable for some reason, the cheery look in his eyes was overshadowed by something that looked akin to desperation. Then it was gone in a second.

“Would you like to show me around? I’m sure there’s plenty of sightseeing left to do”, he laughed as he spun you around one more time before the song came to an end, “and I’m also willing to bet you know these parts like the back of your hand”, you were about to reply when Iari grabbed your hand. Thank Mahal.

“Y/n! Khazush (sister)…aren’t you going to introduce us?”, she grinned. 

“Uh..yes..Iari, this is Fallas of the Firebeards. This is my sister.”, you said stepping away from Fallas. Iari extended her hand all too willingly as he took it and kissed it. You couldn’t help rolling your eyes, you loved Iari but had you been this ardent and twittery when you were a teenager? You sincerely hoped not.

“As beautiful as her sister”, Fallas chuckled looking back and forth between you two. You had to agree there, Iari was most definitely growing to be a beautiful dwarrowdam; her blonde hair was now a rich shade of gold and reached her waist in voluptuous curls, her eyes almost matched her hair. She had full pink lips that she pulled into a pout whenever she wanted to get her way (which she always did). But she had yet to gain her âzyungâl bead for she was still dwarfling. 

“I was just telling y/n how I’d love her to show me around the city. I’m afraid my navigation skills are poor and will surely get lost”.

“Oh! I’d love to show you Erebor! Besides y/n doesn’t like traversing around the city. She’d much rather read her books”, Iari laughed. She wasn’t wrong…you prefer the company of books over a stranger any day.

Before Fallas could respond, the large double doors swung open and the King along with his son and grandsons walked in. The crowd of people parted for them as everyone bowed.

You took this opportunity to slowly back away from everyone into the shadows. Smiling and pretending to know everyone who runs up to talk to you can be very draining. All you needed right now was a tankard of ale and a little peace. The music began to fill the hall again as people started crowding the dance floor.

You hurried to one of the tables and asked one of the servants for a tankard, “Of course m’lady. One it is”, he smiled.

“Um..actually..make that two please”.

You took the two large tankards and walked over to a far corner which wasn’t occupied by many people. Climbing the short set of stone steps you ascended to the small balcony that overlooked the hall. You slunk into the shadows near the open window and chugged half the tankard in one go. You placed the other tankard on the windowsill as you looked out into the night sky. It was peaceful and quieter on this side of the hall.

In minutes both tankards were empty. “W-elll..that’ss fourteen..tonightt”, you counted on your fingers. That was a personal best. You were too absorbed in your own blurred thoughts that you didn’t hear heavy footsteps approaching you. 

“All alone, love?”

You looked over your shoulder to see a clearly drunk dwarf. You remember seeing him around, but you feel that way about most people at court. You wobbled on your feet before placing your hands on the windowsill.

He hiccuped before continuing, “W-wou-ld the prettyyy lady like to dance?”.

You tried to gain your motor skills back because you sensed trouble, “N-no. Thank you. I’m going home now.”

“Aw c’mon noww..don’t be like *hiccup* thaaat”, he swayed dangerously before taking a step towards you, “Just one dance…and mebbe later I could tak-e yer home..”. You flattened against the wall, “No!”, but he made a grab for you anyway.

“The lady said no”, Thorin had grabbed his arm in a death grip before pulling him away from you. 

The strange dwarf was not happy, “Who do you th-ink yer are to lay-handss on me, boy!”, he was clearly too far gone to realize who he was talking to. Thorin grabbed him by the fur of his coat, “Listen here you rat, stay the hell away from her, or I hurl you from the window”, with that he shoved him towards the top of the steps. The dwarf being too drunk missed his footing and fell down the stairs. Maybe he passed out there, maybe he thought twice about attacking Thorin; whatever the reason, you didn’t see him again that night.

Thorin turned around to see you clutching at your corset and gasping for breath. He ran over to you and knelt with a frantic look on his face, “Y/n! What–what do I do?”, he asked reaching out but not touching you.

You heaved trying to stop from vomiting, “Corset..take it off”, you gasped. You didn’t see the slight blush that colored his cheeks before his fingers worked fast at the knot. You weren’t used to lacing this tight all the drinking you’ve been doing and the slight traumatic experience you just underwent caused you to hyperventilate. 

“By my beard..curse this dress”, Thorin growled trying to loosen the knot, a few seconds later he succeeded and he loosened the corset. You took a deep breath while blood rushed to your waist. You leaned your head against the wall as it spun like a top, you closed your eyes and concentrated on keeping yourself from emptying the contents of your stomach on the floor.

“Feel better now, Y/n?”, Thorin questioned gently. You nodded once and opened your eyes turning to face him. “Everything is spinning though”, you slurred. A faint smile crossed Thorin’s lips, “You know you get drunk easily…best watch how much you drink. But I always say that and you never listen”. For a dwarf, you did get drunk easy enough and you’d think that you’d have built a good tolerance over the years attending many dwarven feasts. But no, you just could not hold your alcohol. 

You grinned at him, “I listen to you”. 

“Oh do you now?”

“Well, once when I was eleven you told me never to scratch an itch..that it would bring bad luck. Ever since then, I’ve resisted scratching anything”, you mumbled. Thorin looked at you with a funny look, “What in Durin’s…”.

Then he remembered you having the chickenpox when you were young. You were constantly scratching at them and it hindered the healing process and to make you stop he had played on the superstition that when you have an itch it was a bad omen.

He let out an amused laugh, “Y/n, you really are something”, but you failed to what was so funny. His laugh, however, was captivating and beautiful, mostly because it was a commodity. He looked very princely tonight; on the back of his silver tunic, the sigil of the house of Durin was embroidered in gold thread, he wore a heavy leather belt with a silver buckle that had a sapphire in the middle. The usual metal beads he wore in his braids were replaced with gold and silver ones, save for his wooden âzyungâl bead. 

You opened your mouth to say something but was interupted when Dís appeared on the top of the stairs, “There you are, Y/n! Frerin is looking for you. I think it’s important”, the young dwarfling chirped. You turned pale.

“Are you alright Y/n?”, Dís asked taking a step closer, worry written all over her face. You nodded vigorously, “Yes I’m quite alright. I will be with you in just a moment”, you half smiled. Dís looked unsure for a second before she nodded and headed back down the stairs. 

You turned your head to look at Thorin, “I can barely stand. How..”.

He got on his feet and offered you his hand which you took, he then gently lifted you up, making sure you were on your feet he slowly turned you around so that you were facing the window.

“Well, first lets get this this thing back on you”, he said gathering the laces in his hands. He pulled making sure he didn’t hurt you as you grabbed the windowsill for support. You couldn’t help giggling, “Thorin, you’re supposed to pull harder”, this only made him increase his efforts by a fraction. “I know you’re much more stronger than this”, you taunted playfully.

He finally got it tightened enough to keep it from sliding off and you also heard something along the lines of “bloody torture device” under his breath. You turned around and backed up into the wall, Thorin was still absorbed in making your dress appear acceptable, he reached out and smoothed the corset around your waist. You watched his every move, his face was set in stone as he concentrated on the task at hand. 

You loved this dwarf so much.

He has always been there for you. You loved the way he cared, the way he moved, the way he thought and way he made you feel..

The alcohol in your blood made you bold, you reached up and traced a finger down the side of his face, "Thorin...".

His eyes widened in surprise, his hands stilled around your hips, "Yes?", he breathed.

"Thorin...", you repeated helplessly. You squeezed your eyes shut, praying that he understood your feelings without you having to voice them. How could you possibly expect him to love you? Your status wasn't high enough for the eldest prince of Erebor to pledge his heart to.

You opened your eyes and you could have sworn that you pain flicker across his face for a brief moment. But you could have been imagining it, after all, you were heavily intoxicated.

"I should go", you said retrieving your arms from resting on his chest. He nodded before letting you out of his grasp. You took a step forward and fell back into his arms. "I got you", he smiled.

You groaned in annoyance, why did you drink so much? "Here, take my arm. I'll walk with you", he offered and you took it gratefully. He walked slowly giving you enough time to put one foot in front of the other without tripping. "Y/n, one of your beads fell off", he said bending over to pick up the Opal that had fallen.

"Y/n! There you are!", you looked to your right and saw Frerin walk over to you with a bright grin. Smiling you took his outstretched hand as Thorin let go of your other hand. He was dressed in red and blue with jeweled chains and a crown. He kissed your hand and then your cheek, "I thought now would be a good time to announce our..engagement. I spoke to father and grandfather about it earlier today and they wish to bestow their blessings on us tonight". You were extremely nervous for some reason but you knew there was no going back now so you nodded. You turned to see that Thorin has already left to your dismay.

Frerin lead you to the platform on which the long banquet table on which the king and his sons dined and watch the feast unfold from. You bowed low before Thrór and Thrain. Thrór looked distracted like he had much on his mind, which he probably did given that he was the King. He offered you a quick smile and continued to look right through you, Thrain on the other hand was more friendly, "Congratulations, my dear. Your family has been very loyal and helpful to my family and I wholeheartedly think that Frerin couldn't have chosen wiser. You have been his companion through his childhood and now you will help him through the trials of adult life. My father and I hope that Mahal's hammer shields you both from challenges ahead.", Thrain stood bowing his head.

"And Frerin, khuzd tada bijebî âysîthi mud oshmâkhî dhi zurkur ughvashâhu (a dwarf that chooses to take a wife must guard her as his greatest treasure)", Thrór said as if he had a moment of clarity before settling back into his thoughts.

Frerin bowed again, and smiled at you, "I will. Every second of my life, every breath I draw will be for you".

Your throat felt dry, "I promise to cherish you for the length of my life, my prince", you managed to say as you bit back tears. His words were pure and full of promise and it moved you to tears.

Thrain nodded in approval at what he'd just heard. He beckoned you to turn towards the crowd, "My people of Erebor...my brothers and sisters. Tonight is a joyous night indeed. We've much to celebrate. Not only did we successfully established trade routs with western Belegost..", he paused to allow a wave of applause and cheer to sweep through the hall before continuing, "...my youngest son, Prince Frerin has chosen to take a bride". Thrain took Frerin's hand and put it in yours, "I give my blessing and your King gives his and recognizes this union". Another wave of cheer erupted and your eyes swept the crowd till you spotted your mother clinging to your father weeping tears of joy while your father looked proudly on. Your sister was clapping with a big smile on her face as she stood next to an indifferent Fallas.

"Let us drink to Lady Y/n and my very lucky son!", Thrain chuckled as he lifted his jewel encrusted goblet in the air while every dwarf present did the same : "To the happy couple!", they cheered.

You gave up searching the crowds. Thorin was nowhere to be found. But could you blame him? How could he watch the woman he loved be given away to his brother? It hurt him deeply. But of course you didn't know that.


	3. An Uneventful Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go! :D  
> Comment and leave kudos <3

You woke up the next day in your large bed with a hangover you’d never forget. Your throat was parched and your stomach was growling. Pushing off the silk covers you clambered on to your feet and headed downstairs hoping to see your mother in the kitchen with breakfast at the ready. Instead you found the house empty and after gulping down a glass of water, you walked into the sitting room to find some paper.

“Oh good, you’re awake”, Iari said curled up in an armchair by the fireplace. She had a piece of parchment in her hands, “What’s that?”, you asked intrigued. She folded it up as her pale cheeks flushed crimson, “A messenger just arrived with these”, she said motioning to the sealed letters on the table before her, “You’ve got one too…and I got one from Fallas”

You rolled your eyes, “Iari, he’s just after father’s money, I do solemnly hope you know that”, you walked over to the table and sifted through the pile of letters and when you saw the letter addressed to your name, you picked it up. In the meantime Iari had taken on an air of offense, “You can’t _possibly_ know that. You don’t know him..he’s a proper gentledwarf”, she preened.

You tried to stifle a snort, “If it suits you”. You flopped down on the armchair opposite Iari and read the contents of the letter. Even before you opened it you knew it was from Frerin and it surprised you less to find out that he requests your presence at the palace to discuss ceremonial matters with planners and such. After folding the letter you looked over at Iari who was grinning from ear to ear as she reread the letter from Fallas.

You smiled not unsympathetic to the excitement of a new love interest, “What does he say?”, you asked.

She studied your face to make sure you weren’t trying to poke fun at her and when she was certain, “Well..he is to pick me up today to show him around Erebor and…oh, he says the sweetest things, Y/n!”, she blushed. You laughed, “The tossers usually do”.

Iari frowned, “Must you criticize all my choices?”, you raised an eyebrow, “Do I? Or are you a complete ninnyhammer most of the time?”. She bolted to her feet, her petite face burning red, “I’m not a ninny..ham..what is that even supposed to mean?!”. You just couldn’t help but laugh, “Iari dear, I only mean the best for you. Just…just be careful.”

* * *

After grabbing a bite to eat, you put on a powder pink gossamer dress with split poet sleeves and a diamond encrusted stomacher. You hopped off your pony and handed the reigns to one of the many royal stable boys, then picking up the gold laced skirts of your dress you climbed the stone steps to the palace’s library.

You stood before the large metal embossed door and took a deep breath: you were going to be Frerin’s wife in a matter of days. It will be your duty to make him happy and make sure your marriage runs a smooth course else risk marring the reputation of the house of Durin and your family’s. It will be scandalous. You knew you’d be able to love Frerin like he needed you to, he was a good dwarf; loyal, trustworthy, good tempered and above all, he desired you over anything this earth had to offer. It wasn’t difficult, all you had to do was _try_. But you had to stop chasing this fantasy of a life with Thorin, because it will never happen. 

You pushed the door open and stepped in. He sat at a large desk across the room with piles of parchment and stacks of thick leather bound books scattered over it. His head snapped up towards the door the second he heard it open hoping that you had arrived at last. A big smile graced his face and he stood up as you walked over to him. You returned the smile as you took his outstretched hand, once he placed a kiss on the back of your hand he pulled you closer.

“Zûr zataaanaazu ‘ala bakn, katagilemul habanuh? (How fare you this morning, my sparking gem?)”, he asked running his thumb across your cheek.

“Bizarur ahelekh menu uzbad. Razu? (I’m wonderful, my lord. And you?)”.

“Raspu men. (I’m fine)”.

You just stared at eachother for a while in silence with smiles on your lips. His eyes wandered to your lips ever so often that you couldn’t help brightening your smile: never had you met a more shy dwarf.

“Mukhuh? (May I?)”, he asked.

You let out a short laugh and took a quick step forward, closing the gap between you two. You closed your eyes as your lips pressed against his and had you left them open you’d have seem the look of sheer amazement then it melted away into happiness as he slid his eyelids shut as well. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer while he wrapped his around your waist. His beard was a nice contrast to the softness of his lips, his tongue slowly slipped into your slightly parted mouth while your fingers intertwined in his hair. He pulled back abruptly and you looked at him confused, he chuckled and let go of you and reached into one of the drawers in his desk.

“We rushed everything last night and I forgot to give you this”, he pulled out a purple velvet pouch held closed by a gold pull string, you took it from his hand and emptied the contents onto your palm. It was a silver and gold fused bead with the symbol of the house of Durin made out with red beryl gems and flower buds made of pink diamonds curling around. It was breathtakingly beautiful and the craftsmanship that went into it was most definitely exquisite.

“Did you make this?”, you asked awestruck.

“No. I thought I would make quite a mess of it if I tried to make something quite as delicate as a courting bead. My expertise lay in the field of weaponry and such.”

You smiled, it wasn’t unheard of for the wealthier families to buy their courting trinkets instead of making them themselves…which was the tradition and has been so for many a year. You couldn’t possibly expect a prince to spare his valuable time to make jewelery.

You sat down on the chair Frerin was sitting on when you arrived, reaching up you slowly undid your hair letting it fall around you and lay on the floor in thick waves. Frerin’s breath hitched in his throat, his eyes trailed along the length of your hair. “Well my lord? Aren’t you going to put the bead in my hair?”, you asked glancing over your shoulder at his bewitched face. He took a step towards you and reached out to touch your soft hair, his hand almost shook. Slowly he ran his fingers through the section of your hair near your left temple. His touch was gentle and cautious, and you found yourself relaxing into it.

Avoiding the section of hair that was already braided to hold your âzyungâl bead, he gathered a small handful of hair above it and began braiding. Once he reached the very end of the length of your hair you handed him the bead and he secured the braid.

You looked at the finished braid and saw that it matched the style of his braids. “Thank you”, you smiled at him, he simply offered you a slight nod. You stood up, “Here, please sit. Let me do yours”. He chuckled, “I wasn’t expecting that”.

The second you told your mother of Frerin’s proposal she had pestered your father into drawing up plans for various types of beads. You had settled for one he had finished this morning, you thought it simple and elegant at the same time. It was a black opal cut into a bead. You’ve always liked how the multicolored specs looked against the darkness of the stone. The edges were trimmed with solid gold runes that spelled your name in khuzdul. And between each rune there rested a single tiny amethyst.

Once he was seated you took out the main clasp that held the front section of his hair back. You saw that he was fiddling with his fingers and you laughed softly, “Are you nervous my lord?”. He took in a deep breath as you ran your fingers over his scalp, “Don’t be”, you whispered in his ear and placed a kiss next to his brow. You quickly made a braid over his right ear in the same style you did your braid and fastened the bead at the end. You gathered half his hair at the back of his head and replaced the silver clasp.

“There”, you stepped in front of him as he took your hands in his. “You look beautiful today Y/n…well you look beautiful all the time in my eyes”, he said out the blue. You blushed, “You mustn’t praise me so..”

“I was stating a fact. It was merely the truth”, he pulled you closer till you were sitting on his lap. To be honest, this was a bit uncomfortable because you two had grown up as friends and not once had you any sort of intimate contact before he had proposed. He might have touched your hand or something of the like but you’ve never thought anything of it. And now as you looked at his handsome dwarven features, you could feel something stir in you.

You broke eye contact with him and looked back at the mess on the desk, “I’ve never seen you take on so much work before..”.

He laid his head back against the chair and sighed, “Thorin disappeared on a hunting trip after the feast last night and here I am doing his work for him. He can be rather selfish at times. He knows I have a lot on my plate as it is…and the wedding is barely planned out…I wonder what he’s thinking”.

You quickly pushed thoughts and images of Thorin out of your mind as soon as they began to take form. “You don’t have to worry about the wedding ceremonies. I will tend to them”, you said starting to get up but instead he pulled you back down.

“You don’t have to. My people are tending to that and your mother arrived earlier this morning and I believe she is running the whole ordeal”, he laughed.  
“Yes, well I should probably have some sort of part in all this”, you said feeling a tad bit guilty. How do you even plan a royal wedding? Where do you start?  
“You do have a part”, he chuckled, “you’re the bride”.  
You rolled your eyes before giving him a slight peck on his lips, “You know what I mean”. His hands traveled up your back, tracing the tight lacing of your dress till he reached the base of your neck.

“What do you know of planning feasts? You’re just as lost in the matter as I am”, he pushed you towards him till your lips met his again, he broke the kiss and left a smattering of soft kisses up your jaw and on your ear.

You giggled as you sat upright again, “Be that as it may, I must insist that I leave you be. You haven’t gotten any of your work done since I got here”, you said motioning to the desk.“But I like the distraction”, he smirked running his hands down your waist which sent shivers up your spine. Maybe he wasn’t all that shy after all. “But your father wouldn’t”, you said standing up, “you’ve got a kingdom to help run, madtubirzul (golden heart) ”. Frerin sighed in defeat as he let your hand slip out of his. You took his face in your hands, “I’ll see you again before I leave”, you placed a deep kiss on his parted lips before walking up to the door. 

You walked down the busy palace halls, occasionally stopping to respond to the cheery greetings and congratulations on the engagement. You had taken a few steps after bidding Avila, Glóin’s newlywed wife a good day when you nearly bumped into Dís. “I’m so glad I found you, y/n. Do you know where I might find Iari? She was supposed to meet me today to go to Dale. She’s already an hour late..”, Dís looked at you with her big doe eyes. 

You put two and two together and figured that Iari had completely forgotten about her plans with her friend when she received that letter from Fallas.

"I'm sorry Dís, I haven't seen her since I left home", you gave a sympathetic look.

Her face fell, "Well I guess I'd have to go alone then". Of course when Dís said "alone", she meant her full brigade of guards and a few of her handmaiden. But you understood that _that_ was no company.

You smiled, "How about you help me find my mother and I'll accompany you to Dale?", her face lit up in an instant. "They're in the east study", she said taking your hand and leading you there.

You pushed the double doors open and stepped in to find your mother standing at the head of a table with a few others sitting around her. They were either scribbling things down on parchment, testing out samples of food and drink or sifting through boxes of gems and jewels. Your mother was conversing with two of the dwarrowdam who sat on either side of her while going through a big book of fabric samples.

You felt intimidated by the ambience of the room, everyone was talking with each other in low businesslike tones and it looked like they were enjoying themselves but it felt like they were under a lot of pressure. Mostly because of your mother you were willing to bet.

"Derr, I told you crystals look _tacky_ . Just toss them away. Pick something bright..extravagant and _expensive_ . It's a royal wedding for Mahal's sake. And Heloise, i know i said Gardenias would do but be a dear and put in moon flowers instead? I changed my mind."

And all of a sudden you wanted to be anywhere but here. Dís walked in pulling you along. "Y/n..just the person I was looking for", your mother smiled. You laughed nerously, "Really...". Dís sat down in an empty chair and began stuffing her mouth with various types of chocolate and desserts. Your mother raised an eyebrow at her meaning to make her stop, but probably because she was royal, your mother held her tongue.

Instead she started holding up different samples of fabric against your exposed collar collar bone. "Uh, is this really necessary? I mean..right now? We haven't even set a date for the wedding..."

Your mother laughed, "Of course you have. The first day of summer".

Your eyes widened, so soon? "But that's in three weeks! I never agreed to that date...mama, must you dictate everything that goes on in my life?", you snapped a little flustered.

She barely seemed to notice your outburst, "Thráin agreed to the date, so I really don't see why not. I think this shade of white and the texture of this fabric will work very well together". You let out a frustrated groan. "Hush up missy. There'll be plenty of time to complain when you're married. Now, we just need to find a good, respectable seamstress".

Before she had time to say another word Dís piped up, "I get my dresses made by a seamstress from Dale. She's been making our family's dresses for generations. I'm going to see her today with Y/n, maybe you can settle something with her".

"Thank Yavanna. Dís dear, how are you finding the pineapple pastries?".

"Dey're preffy goof", she replied through a stuffed mouth.

"Right. Derr, put that down for the feast then", your mother hurried over to Dís to get more information about the dresses.

You walked behind the busy dwarves, looking at the different flowers, decorations and invitations written in different scripts and inks. The door opened slightly and Avila stepped in quietly. She smiled when she saw you walking around with a confused expression on your face like a lost puppy. She was all too familiar to the feeling, her mother had run her wedding too and she remembered all the questions she wished someone had answered for her. Her mother had been all too eager to have her wed into the house of Durin that she barely thought about asking Avila of her thoughts on the matter. Not that Avila had any objections to marrying Glóin; he was a sweet and caring dwarf and she loved him, but it would have been nice to have had some sort of say in planning the ceremony.

Just as quietly as she entered, Avila made her was over to you and stood behind you as you stared at a long thick chords of beautiful knots in different materials with silver charms incorporated into them. "They're a tradition. A superstitious thing really", you turned around to face Avila, "Oh? What are they for?".

"They hang these around every doorway the bride might go through. In your case, every doorway in the palace will bear these", she laughed, "These are supposed to ward off bad luck and bring protection". She picked up one of the beautiful festive ropes, "You see this charm here?", she held out a ruby encased in a fine silver mesh, "It has a bit of gold in the gem. It is supposed to bring prosperity. And this one here..", she pointed to a beautiful diamond flower that held a topaz in the middle, "is supposed to bring a couple lots of dwarflings". You flushed, "Well..let's hope they work", you mumbled.

Avila laughed, "in any case, did you like the flowers they've picked out..and did you see the decorations?"

You shrugged and Avila tutted, "That won't do. Come along, we've much to discuss", she took hold of your hand and pulled you along, "Y/n, this _can_ be fun you know".

* * *

And you did have fun. Avila made sure you had a say in the decisions that were being made and she explained most of the things that were new to you. And by the end of it all, you found that you had made a friend.

Avila was shy in nature but not introverted and was candid when it was required of her. You found that she was opinionated and witty and detested unfair treatment. It was fair ti say that she was just as beautiful as her mind. She had light brown eyes fringed with thick black lashes that matched her wavy raven black hair. The most eye catching feature on her face, however, was her tiny upturned nose that was covered in a smattering of freckles that ran across her face.

Off of a sudden, everyone stood up from their chairs and you looked around till you finally saw Frerin walk in.

“Good. You’re still here”, he smiled as everyone slowly fell back into their work.

Your mother hurried past you, “Not for long, I’m afraid, my prince. She has work to attend to in Dale”.

“The horses are ready. We can leave when you’re ready”, Dís said getting up.

“You’re going too then?”, Frerin asked Dís who simply nodded, “I’ve a fitting and I need a new dress for your wedding”.

Frerin looked at you, “I suppose I could come along too..if you don’t mind”.

“Not at all”, you smiled.

“But, what interest do you have in dresses? You’ve been acting quite peculiar lately, Frerin”, Dís said with a genuine look of confusion on her face. Her innocence was almost amusing. Your mother must have felt the same for she laughed.

“I have other matters to tend to in Dale. And besides I thought you might need a little help prettying up your wardrobe, little sister”, Frerin threw a mock look of disgust at Dís’ dress before dissolving into laughter. Dís rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at her big brother.

* * *

You stood still on the little stool as the helpers took your measurements. Dís was already done with her dresses and now sat waiting for you and your mother. Frerin really did have business at Dale and he left leaving you with the promise of returning.

Your mother was talking with the head seamstress about designs, cuts and embroidery. She had your father send over crates of gems and she had gold and silver bought and sent over to be used in making the dress.

“All done, m’lady”, one of the helpers smiled and you got down and made your way over to your mother.

“Y/n, I’ve decided on seven of these dresses. You’ll love them!”, she grinned as she handed the designs over to the seamstress.

You gaped at your mother, “ _seven_?”.

“Oh dear..maybe you’re right. Here. Add these two dresses to the order as well”.

“Khagun! (Mother!) I don’t need nine dresses..of _this_ sort”.

“You need options. You will try them all and pick the best and if ,Mahal forbid, something were to happen to that dress, you’ll have another”, she explained.

Dís walked over to you as your mother began to ask a plethora of questions from the seamstress, “Come on, let’s go somewhere less boring”, she whispered. Though she was a naive dwarfling, she could understand when someone was in need of help. At this point, you almost jumped at the offer.

Both of you quietly sneaked out slipped past the royal guards that awaited you outside the building. You got as far the small bridge in the middle of Dale since it was almost sundown and most people were closing their shops, packing up their stalls and going home for the night.

Dís came to a stop in the middle of the stone bridge and peered into the gurgling stream of water below. You stood next to her but instead of looking down, your eyes searched the sky. The clouds were tinted pink and orange and a few ravens were flying back home to the mountains. 

“Y/n, I know we’ve been friends for a long time and I know and trust you. But..do you love my brother or are you just being pressured into marrying him by your mother, like she does with most things..”, Dís laughed but her tone was serious.

“I would never marry anyone if I didn’t have feelings towards them...”, you played with the bead Frerin had given you, “I..do love him”. You were trying to convince yourself more than convince Dís. She smiled, “I know. I just had to make sure..I’m glad he chose you”, she smiled sweetly.

You stood there in silence for a several minutes, just enjoying each other’s company. From the corner of your eye you noticed Dís looking at you oddly with a smirk on her lips, “what?”, you asked intrigued.

“What are you going to name your first child?”, she giggled.

You burned red, “I-I don’t know..”, you fumbled.

“You haven’t thought about it? Not even once?”

Quite frankly, you haven’t thought so far ahead yet. You just shrugged, “What would you name yours?”.

It was Dís’ turn to shrug, “I don’t really have to worry about that just yet”.

“Well, neither do I”, you laughed, but you decided to humor her and raked your brain for a name, “Uh..Fíli? It its a boy?”, you offered off the top of your head.

Dís thought about it for a minute, “Yes.. Fíli..I like it. Sounds like a prince. A very tall prince”. You laughed at how analytic she sounded.

“Y/n! Princess Dís..what are you two doing here?”, you looked to your right and saw your father walking towards you and next to him was Frerin. You reached for his hand and he gave it to you freely along with a peck on the cheek.

“Dís saved me from mother’s antics”, you said smiling at Dís.

“Well, you know how Galora is”, your father chuckled, “she gets excited about things far more than she ought to. But we best be heading home now”, he said as you started walking back.

Frerin wrapped an arm around you and pulled in to keep you warm as a breeze tingled your skin. 

“Prince Frerin, is it true that Thorin left on a hunting trip in the middle of the feast last night?”, your father inquired.

“Yes. And to my knowledge he hasn’t returned yet”.

“I say, that is very strange indeed. A hunt in the middle of the night? And around this time of year? What is he hoping to catch?”.

You drowned out the rest of the conversation, because you knew Frerin knew nothing and now that you think about it, it ,i>was,/i> an odd time to go hunting. The deer, elk and most game moved to the deeper parts of the woods or to western areas to keep warm. Should you be worried?


	4. Doors That Should Have Been Shut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the last few chapters have been too long but I want to make this a short series so I'm cramming much of detail and plot into one chapter as I can. Sorry..  
> Please enjoy and leave comments + kudos <3

Thorin returned two days later. 

You had been sitting in one of the balconies that overlooked Erebor. Frerin lay on his back on an ottoman, with his head propped on some cushions, he had a scroll in one hand which he was studying intently and his other hand was weaving into your hair. You lay nestled on his chest reading a book.  
Over the span of two days you had gotten significantly closer in ways of romance and intimacy. 

“Wh..what. This treaty is riddled with contradictions”, he sighed in frustration as he let the scroll slip onto the floor. You closed your book and put it aside.

Looking up at him, you saw him staring up at the sky. You gently ran your fingers down his chest, this grabbed his attention. He looked down at you with a smile, “Forgive me Y/n, I know I haven’t been paying as much attention as I should”, his hands found their way to your waist and pulled you further up.

You shook your head, “No, I understand. You have your responsibilities. Think nothing of it.”

He chuckled, “Nothing should be more important than you”, he said his lips grazing yours.

“Frerin, father wishes to see you”.

Thorin’s voice sent shivers up your spine. You turned your head to see him at the doorway with his arms crossed in front him. Frerin sat up, hoisting you up and over to the seat next to him, “So you’re back then! About time too. Where have you been?”.

Thorin made no eye contact with you. He motioned for Frerin to follow, “He bids you hurry”, with that he disappeared back in.

Frerin slowly stood up and turned to you, “This will only take a few minutes love. I promise”, he kissed the top of your head.

“Really, don’t worry yourself about it”, you grinned, “I’ve got to finish this book anyway”.

He was gone after a quick peck on your cheek. Frerin just couldn’t keep his hands or lips off you, not that you minded because you were beginning to feel the same way towards him.

You picked up the book and lost yourself in the pages again for a good long while. Then all of a sudden you began thinking of Thorin. When you saw him, your heart had jumped like it always did when you saw him. But this time it was because you were glad to see him unharmed and safe. But you were a bit confused and disgruntled that he hadn’t even looked at you like you weren’t worth a mere glimpse.

“Y/n…”

Dís’ voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You smiled at her as she walked over and sat down next to you, “What can I do for you?”.

She grinned at you and handed a box at which you looked at curiously before taking it from her. “Iari wants me to meet someone, so I must be off. But this arrived for Thorin and I was to hand it to him personally. But I really must be going now, it’s been days since I last spent any time with Iari. You laugh Y/n, but it’s not like us to go so long without talking. I trust you can give this to him”, she said getting up.

You hesitated, “I don’t think he wants to see me Dís..”.

She cocked her head, “Why do you say that?”

You sighed and shrugged, “I don’t know..”

She shook her head, “Don’t be silly Y/n. You’ve been friends for years. Now take that to him”.

“Dís? He is alright, yes? I mean he’s not hurt or anything from the hunt?”

“See? There’s another reason why you should go see him. Ask _him_ , because I haven’t a clue what my dolt brothers are up to”, she said walking towards the door.

Before she walked in she looked over her shoulder and added, “Thorin is probably in his chambers. See you tonight at the feast”.

Oh sweet Mahal, you had almost forgotten about the feast. Tonight Frerin was going to announce the date of the wedding to all of Erebor. You must hurry home to change into your dress. Springing up to your feet, you hurried down the halls and found yourself in the corridor to the door to Thorin’s room.

The door was ajar you noticed, and you took a step forward to knock when your hand froze midair. Thorin stood in front of his dresser facing away from the door. Naked. You heard the sound of liquid being poured and the sound of glass clinking. Your breath hitched in your throat, the view of his sturdy, taut body bathed in the light streaming in from the windows was making your mind hazy. You watched his biceps flex as he gulped down the contents of his chalice. Your eyes traveled down his back, over his tousled black locks, the grooves of his back and finally stopped at his perfect butt. If you could see yourself, you’d see that your cheeks were flushed and your chest heaving. That’s probably why you had difficulty turning away or moving at all: you liked what you saw.

Then in the corner of your eye you something move among the sheets on his bed.

“Won’t you come back to bed, my lord?”, a silky voice filled the room.

Your eyes shot to the bed to see a slender blonde dwarrowdam stand up and walk over to Thorin, naked hips swaying

Your throat went dry. Your chest compressed like it was collapsing on itself. You watched her wrap her arms around his waist and kiss his shoulder. You took a step back, trying to contain yourself, after all, why did you care? Didn’t you promise yourself that you were going to move on? To embrace this new life you were about to start with Frerin? You knew this was going to happen…you knew you’d have to watch Thorin marry someone. But perhaps this was all too sudden and caught you completely off guard. And you are a living being, with feelings and whatnot, and matters of the heart aren’t so easily changed or faltered.

You couldn’t breathe. You tried to take deep breaths as you backed away from the door but then you heard a loud crash. You jumped when you realized that the box you held had slowly slipped out of your numb hands.

You didn’t pick it up, you just ran. You didn’t stop till you reached the stables. Saddling up your pony, you rode home as fast as the pony would allow. Some of the people yelped as they dodged your pony and some hurled anguished cries at you. But you didn’t care, you just felt numb all over and you wanted to get away from that palace.

Hopping off the pony, you ran into your house, without even bothering to tie the pony to a post. Iari and Dís were sitting in the library and were quite startled when you rushed past them and up the stairs.

You shut the door behind you and sat on your bed with your hands folded neatly on your lap. You took in a deep breath. Your mind was screaming at you, telling you were being irrational and stupid for caring this deeply. But that tiny voice you’ve pushed away into a corner, the one that has always been right, was screaming louder that you were right to be hurt, because you still loved Thorin.

You reached up and touched your cheek when you felt something wet trickle down it. Were you crying? Yes, you were. And you were irritated with yourself for crying. Serves you right for chasing things you can’t have, you scolded yourself.

There was a soft knock on the door but you didn’t have time to respond for Iari was already walking in. When she saw your tear stained face, her eyes softened, “Kud tâti, Khazush? (What’s happened, sister?)”,she sat next to you and held one of your hands.

How could you begin to explain what’s happening. What will she think of you? Instead you smiled, shook you head and wiped your tears away, “It’s just…I’m nervous for the wedding..*laugh*..it’s so close”. Iari gave you a knowing look, “Khazush, I know you’re lying. Don’t you trust me? You can tell me anything, I’m here for you.”

That almost set you bawling again but you just looked down at your hands and said nothing in fear of actually crying.

“Is it..is it Thorin?”, she asked in a hushed voice.

Your head snapped up and you stared at her with a look of surprise and fear. Iari rolled her eyes, “I spend most of my time around you, Frerin, Thorin and Dís. And you’re my sister. There’s not much you can hide from me”. You slowly began to relax, there’s no use denying it to Iari and you felt relieved that someone knew. You nodded your answer to her question.

“What happened?”, she asked softly.

You inhaled sharply, trying to still the pain in your heart before speaking, “I..I saw him with someone else. Iari..I know this is stupid..Oh Mahal knows what a clot head I am…but..”, the whole story came out in a matter of minutes and so did all your tears. Iari held you close and let you cry it all out and you were surprised and thankful that she was a sympathetic listener.

“Y/n”, she spoke when you were done, “the way I see it..you can’t do anything about Thorin now. The whole kingdom is waiting for you to marry prince Frerin and I know Frerin as well as you do and we both know that he’ll make a wonderful husband for you. I understand that it is difficult to let go of one you have feelings for. But in due time, everything will fall into place. You just have to hold on and weather the storm”, Iari said smoothing your hair. Mahal, Iari sound like the older sister, you smiled sitting up.

“What would I do without you..”,

“Well, for one you’ll be late to the feast”, she said rising to her feet. You flopped on your back and sighed, you just wanted to stay in, curl under your blankets and take a long nap. But Frerin is waiting.

Iari unhooked the dress from the metal dress form your mother had picked out for you the night before. She laid it down on the bed next to you, “I have to get ready as well. Do get up Y/n” she grinned before leaving.

You grudgingly slipped out of bed and out of your clothes. You stood before the dress and frowned at it. It was a shade of cream you have never seen before with threads of gold woven into the fabric. It had a plunging neckline and tiny balloon sleeves that narrowed and fitted tightly around your wrists, the skirt was in layers that were fringed with gems. You had little trouble getting into the dress because the stomacher had laces that tied in the front. The stomacher was of a deep gold color with intricate flowers embroidered on it in a lighter shade. The centers of the flowers bore diamonds and opals dotted the waistline. You sat at your dresser and put on a pair of gold earrings with opal drops. You had just begun to brush your hair when the door creaked open.

You saw Dís’ reflection in the mirror, “Dís, shouldn’t you be back at the palace by now? It’s late already”.

“Uh..I was just..”, she wrinkled her nose, “I met Fallas and I really don’t like him”.

You set your brush down and burst out laughing, “Neither do I. I’m glad you don’t, because maybe Iari will listen to you if not me”.

Dís sighed and walked up behind you and picked up a section of your hair, “She can do much better. He’s just another conniving weasel ”.

You agreed with her wholeheartedly, “Yes, but Dís, you don’t have to do that”, you said grabbing her hand, “I can do it”, she was a princess after all.

She slapped your hand away, “Don’t be ridiculous, this will take only a minute. But we must have a word with Iari. He..gives me a strange feeling”, she shuddered as she braided your hair in the most exquisite way.

“Maybe after the feast we can both bring the matter up…gently. She is very sensitive when it comes to him”, Dís nodded and stepped back letting you admire her work. Many tiny fishtail braids beginning around your temples joined at the base of your neck to form one intricate braid while leaving the rest of your hair free. You grabbed a jeweled hair clasp and secured your hair midway to keep it all together.

“Alright. Let’s go”

* * *

The hour was late, the announcement made, and the celebrations were almost coming to an end. Yet the music played loud, more ale kegs were brought in and people danced and chattered on.

You had danced till your feet were sore, you forgot your cares as Frerin spun you around in his arms and whispered compliments in your ear. Now you sat in one of the sitting areas in the giant hall with your feet resting on a table in front of the fireplace. You had your eyes shut, just basking in the heat of the embers.

A loud giggle had you fluttering your eyelids open, you turned your head to the side and saw a blonde dwarrowdam who was batting her lashes at Thorin. You rolled your eyes as you realized it was the girl from before. She lightly touched his forearm and leaned in to whisper something, Thorin half smirked but didn't move. He was leaning against a wall with his arms crossed in front of him while she couldn't still her wandering hands. But the more you looked at her, the more she seemed familiar, you've probably seen her in court before- probably the daughter of a high lord.

You leaned forward and grabbed your tankard and gulped it down. It was most likely unwise, because you were already quite tipsy. And maybe it was the ale talking. but you would very much like to watch that blondie trip and fall, this thought brought a shaky smile to your lips. 

“Y/n!”, you looked to your left to see Avila beckoning you to come over as she joined hands with two others to complete the circle. And as the song changed, they danced in and out of the circle, Avila held out a hand for you. You stood up, thinking that this will be your last dance for the night. Taking her hand you tried to steady your feet as you attempted to dance, but you were definitely not the only one drunk in that hall.

You stumbled down the hall trying to find your way to the stables. It had always been a little difficult given that the halls of Erebor were quite perplexing, and even more so when one is drunk.

You came to a halt in one of the torch lit halls. You groaned and leaned on one of the walls when you realized that these were living quarters for guests who came to visit. 

“So am I to assume that getting drunk is the norm with you now?”

You nearly squealed out of fright. You had thought you were alone and you didn’t hear any approaching footsteps, but even being intoxicated you knew it was Thorin.

“And am I to assume that following me around when I’m drunk is the norm with you?”, you snapped back.

Thorin raised an eyebrow and gave you a hard look before speaking again, “I was merely just making sure you were alright”.

You snorted, “Why would you care?”, had you been sober you would have never spoken to him this way. He took a few steps towards you, the light of the torches illuminated his face and you saw that he was not happy with how you were behaving.

“Why wouldn’t I care?”, he asked in a low voice.

This angered you, how could he pretend like this? “Just leave”, was all you could say, because you feared you might cross a boundary if you said more.

“Y/n, is there something you want to tell me?”, Thorin asked, his voice shook you to the core.

You pushed yourself off the wall and boldly strode up to him, his eyes studied your face and you knew you looked angry.

“Yes”.


	5. Born of Stone

“Yes?”, Thorin waited, “Go on”, he almost sounded like he was challenging you.

His form loomed over you, his jaw set firm making him look ominous, but that didn’t sway you.

You held your head high, “You _always_ do that. You just walk in out of people’s lives like they don’t matter. Well, people aren’t your playthings, Thorin!”, you balled your fists at your sides.

“What?”, he asked.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve just up and disappeared. Did you ever think that it would be hard on Frerin? You’re not just some dwarf, you’re the prince and you have duties”, your voice faltered and your gaze fell to the floor.

“Y/n..”

“No! Don’t..but..sometimes I just..”, you were tired and your mind was starting to clear but one last thing slipped out before you could stop it:

“I wish you weren’t who you are”.

Thorin took one last step towards you, you looked up to meet his gaze, tears stinging your eyes. He looked indifferent, anger bubbled up in your chest again:

“I wish you weren’t the sodding prince”, you said looking him the eye. When he didn’t reply you whipped around to leave. But of course Thorin would never let you have the last word.

He grabbed your arm and spun you back around, “My Lady, was that a confession?”, his breath fanned your cheek. You were trembling as you tried to hold back your tears. What was he trying to accomplish you wondered.

“Don’t you think I haven’t prayed to Aulë every night, begging him to strip me of my titles”, he brought a shaking finger to your cheek and wiped a tear away. You had to use all the strength you could muster to fight the urge to lean further into his touch.

“Don’t you think it’s hard for me to watch you…I…can’t. I’m not born of stone”, his eyebrows knitted and his voice was heavy with despair.

“I can’t bare to stay here anymore. These walls…the gardens, _everything_ is a reminder of you”, he laughed bitterly, “And in a few more days…I would lose you forever”. Your eyes widened and a small gasp left your lips.

“So tell me little one, how can you be so cruel as to wish me to stay”

“Thorin..”, you reached up with one hand and cupped his bearded cheek, “I didn’t know..”.

He smiled softly, but his eyes remained shadowed, “What could either of us have done? I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried to rid my mind of you. I’ve done things I wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t thought that it was my last resort. But you stayed. In my heart..in every fiber of my being”. His words were everything to you. It made you sad and unprecedented happiness at the same time. It was comforting to know that he cared and feared losing you.

You buried your face in his chest and clung to his tunic, he immediately wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his forehead atop your head. You were shaking as you inhaled his smell of fire wood and ale. He gently rubbed your back and you broke down, “I love you Thorin”, you cried into his chest, “I love you..”

His hand stilled on your back, “I’ve always known that I suppose. I willed myself into believing it wasn’t so, because I was afraid of admitting to myself that I loved this ethereal being that I couldn’t have”, he kissed you hair and cupped your chin, gently lifting your head to look at him. “I regret not telling you sooner”.

In a flash his lips claimed yours, fearing that if he waits any longer he’d never have a chance again. Even if this is to be the first and only time, he won’t let this moment slip from his fingers. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, losing yourself completely. His lips moved frantically trying to feel all of you, taste all of you like you would disappear at any second now. Your fingers were tangled in his hair, as your own lips tried to match his pace. He made sure you felt all the pent up passion, longing, love and desire he’s hidden away all these years.

He momentarily broke the kiss only to press hungry kisses on your jaw before finding your lips again. This kiss was everything you’ve always wanted.. _he_ was everything you want. His tongue flicked at your lips and you eagerly let him in and with him he brought the taste of spiced ale and smoke. He gently bit your bottom lip as his hands wandered down your hips and rested on your rear.

Before Thorin could proceed with what he had in mind, a loud commotion that sounded like glass shattering followed by a deafening scream echoed down the hall. You both pulled away startled, even though your mind was hazy, the familiarity of that voice made your stomach turn and then it hit you :

“Iari!”, you gasped as you took a shaky step forward. Gathering your wits as quickly as possibly, you ran towards the scream. It wasn’t difficult to find the room because Iari’s desperate pleas didn’t cease.

“No! Please stop!”, followed by muffled screams. What was she even doing in these parts of the palace?

You pushed on the door but to no avail; it was locked from the inside. Before panic could elude you, Thorin grabbed your shoulder and pulled you back, before taking a step back himself and kicking the heavy door down. You ran inside followed by Thorin. But you weren’t prepared to see what was unraveling in that room.

Iari was sprawled on her back with her dress almost completely ripped off her body, her face was botched with tears. Fallas had a fistful of her gold hair and was on top of her, half naked. The sudden intrusion caused Fallas to stand up abruptly only to stumble and fall to his feet.

“You filthy _WORM_ !!”, Thorin yelled ferociously as he seized Fallas by his hair. You rushed to Iari’s side, your mind raced trying to make sense it all and to think of what to do next. You cradled her in your arms, “Iari! Are you hurt?”, you asked trying to steady your voice. She shook violently and clung to your arm, burying her face in your skirts in an attempt to drown out her sobs. You reached for her skirts to pull them down when you saw the pool of blood between her legs. A stab of pain and sadness shot through you. One of your hands held on to your sister and the other stroked her hair trying to soothe her, “I’ve got you”, but you knew there was nothing you could say at this moment to make her feel better.

You had completely drowned out the world and let Iari have your undivided attention, but you looked up just in time to see Thorin’s fist collide with Fallas’ jaw. He staggered back and stepped right into the wall behind him. It was obvious that he was in no condition to fight back as he was intoxicated beyond reason. Thorin looked furious, his eyes were like two blazing forges and his breathing was uneven. He drew his dagger from its scabbard and took a step forward, fully intending to kill him right then and there. Dwarven men harbored the utmost respect for their women and any kind of abuse, may it be physical, verbal or mental was in no way tolerated.

You had no objection to watch Thorin gut this dust rat, in fact, you wanted it more than anything at that moment.

“Where did you get the audacity to even touch her, you worthless dog”, he asked in a very low rumble.

“Thorin wait”, you spoke reluctantly, but he made no sign of stopping. You sprang up to your feet and stepped in between the two. Facing a very annoyed Thorin, you grabbed his armed hand, “I would very much like to see him dead. But think of Iari. People are going to wonder and if they look into his death they might begin to suspect something. Thorin she will be ruined. Her future will be dead before it even lived.No one must know”.

“I cannot live knowing I let this filth walk the earth after this, Y/n”, Thorin growled.

“I know. But you must let him live for Iari”, you ran your fingers over his knuckles hurriedly. He seemed to calm down by less than a fraction, enough to loosen his grip on the dagger. You spun around to face Fallas who was almost on the verge of fainting, “She was only a _child _”, you said through gritted teeth, “You may live Lord Fallas, but I promise you this…I will make every waking moment of your life a living hell. No one would know why, how or who is behind the long series of misfortunes that will befall you and no one will be able to help you. You will _never_ know happiness again”.__

__Walking back to Iari, you helped her to sit up, she was still crying and when you sat next to her she threw her arms around you again. You knew this was not her fault, but you wished she had listened to you. There’s no use pointing fingers at anyone now, all you could do was try fix what’s been broken. “Iari, listen to me. Are you wounded?”, when her reply was a string of incoherent sobs, you pulled her back and and inspected her face and exposed skin. Both her wrists were badly bruised and were turning black by the minute, earlier your noticed similar bruises on her legs. Her cheek was bleeding, probably from an attempt to escape._ _

__Thorin took an awkward step forward, “Maybe you should take her to our healers. They’re the best in Erebor”._ _

__You were unsure, “What if they talk?”._ _

__“I gather you’re close with Avila, Glóin’s wife. She’s one of the healers here. She will take care of Iari and keep this to herself”, he offered._ _

__This hadn’t occurred to you, maybe because you were still a little tipsy yourself. You nodded eventually._ _

__Thorin yanked Fallas to his feet by his collar and pushed him towards the door while staying at his heels. And once they were gone you took Iari’s face in your hands, “Iari, I’m so sorry…I should have been there for you more”. She took in a deep breath, hoping to calm her violent sobs and gasps for air, “No. Y-you were a-alway-s he-here, *sob*, m-more than anyone..”, you nearly choked as you dabbed at her tears._ _

__It was true, your parents had been more involved in your life, trying to make sure you were the center of attention, the main star, because you were the oldest and had unrealistic expectations thrust upon you. Had your mother paid more attention to Iari, maybe she wouldn’t be sitting on a pool of her own blood right now. Of course they gave her everything she wanted, but that was to pacify her and sate their own guilt. It had always been you who chided and fussed after Iari. You had meant the best when you did, because someone had to push her down the right path._ _

__You were trying to tame her messy hair when Avila poked her head through the busted down doorway. When she saw what awaited her, Avila’s hand flew to her mouth, “Yavanna have mercy!”._ _

__She hurried over to your side and took Iari’s hand in hers. Once you recounted what had happened, she was completely empathetic, “My dear girl, no one on this good earth should have to go through that”._ _

__“Avi, we would be in debt to you if you could keep this just between us”, you said, praying that you weren’t asking too much. She gave you an odd look while wrapping Iari in the cloak she had been wearing, “Of course I will. And no debt owed, Y/n. This is merely one dwarrowdam helping another in her hour of need. Now, the healing wing will be almost empty because of the festivities, save for a few drunks and healers. It would be easy enough to get her in without drawing too much attention. And I will make sure to tend to her personally. I’ll have her patched up in no time”, Avila tried to smile._ _

__She helped Iari to her feet while you got up yourself. “Y/n, you better wait till morning to see her. Don’t want unnecessary attention, now do we. I will take care of her, I promise. You need to go home and tell your parents Iari is fine”._ _

__Iari grasped your hand in a flash, “Please don’t tell mama what happened. Please!”, she cried, fresh tears glistening in her eyes. You clasped her hand in yours and smiled softly, “Don’t you worry about mother. I’ll handle that. Now go", you kissed his bruised cheek and Avila walked her out._ _

__You looked around the room, you wanted to make sure there weren’t any signs of struggle in the room. You grabbed hold of the blood stained bed sheets and yanked them off then hurrying over to the fireplace, you tossed them into the flames. You stepped back as the evidence was engulfed in angry flames. Picking up the bedspread that lay abandoned at the foot of the bed you threw it over the bare bed before adjusting the pillows. Next with shaking hands you picked up scraps of Iari’s dress and tossed them into the flames as well. You noticed the shattered goblet on the side of the bed and bent to pick up the pieces, you were so emotionally drained by now that all you wanted to do was cry._ _

__“Y/n, leave that. You’ll hurt yourself”, Thorin said resting a hand on yours which held a shard of glass. You dropped it and turned to look at Thorin. Neither of you said anything for a while._ _

__“What did you do with him?”, you asked sitting down and leaning against the side of the bed. Thorin smirked wickedly, “I had some of my guards treat him to some more ale. After tonight he probably will lose his liking for it. If he remembers what happened in the morning, my guards will see to it that he holds his tongue else lest he’d prefer to lose it”. You sighed a little relieved that you didn’t have to worry about him for now. Thorin sat down next to you, “Thank you”, you said turning to face him. He said nothing._ _

__“Thorin..I mean it. Thank you for being there for me and my family”, you said tucking a lose braid behind your ear._ _

__He didn’t respond. He continued to stare at his boots. “Thorin?”, you asked gently while placing a hand on his forearm._ _

__“I don’t regret what I did”, he stated suddenly, “I know I should. But I don’t”. You retracted your hand, “Yes. It’s not fair to Frerin. He..he loves me”._ _

__“I love you”, Thorin snapped._ _

__“I am promised to him. I couldn’t bare to break his heart”, as soon as you said those last words, Thorin looked at you with saddened eyes that asked you the unspoken question. You buried your face in your hands in defeat, “Thorin. I don’t know what to do..”, you looked at him, “but I know we can’t keep doing what we did. It’s not right”._ _

__You that there in silence again till he spoke, “Did you see what was in the box?”._ _

__“Huh? What box?”, you questioned confused._ _

__“The one you dropped outside my chambers”._ _

__Oh sweet Mahal. Your cheeks felt like they caught fire, “You knew I was there?”._ _

__He nodded once, “I’m sorry you saw that. I thought..she could…she wasn’t you.”_ _

__It was your turn to be silent._ _

__“I had a dagger made for you. After the last feast I gathered that you might need to defend yourself more now that you’ll frequent the court after you…”, he couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence, “People think court life is all feasts, fun and merry making, but no…it’s a dark and deadly game where more people die than on the battlefield. Especially when one is a temptress such as yourself”, he didn’t mean to compliment you, he was only stating facts. Reaching behind him, he unhooked another scabbard from his belt and handed it to you, “When I can’t be there to protect you, may it serve you well”._ _

__You were a little intimidated by his words and also grateful. It was sheathed in and beautiful leather scabbard and it’s hilt reflected the fire’s light off its gold body and the red ruby at the bottom of the hilt. The blade narrowed as it got to the middle only to widen again and form a razor sharp tip at the end. It was unlike any dagger you’ve seen and it was gorgeous. “Thank you”, you said again in amazement._ _

__“I wish you all the happiness in the world. You and Frerin”, he said cupping your cheek. He rested his forehead against yours, gazing into your eyes. "This is the last time", he whispered before he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on your lips, your fingers gently grazed his beard while you closed your eyes, savoring the feel of his lips, preserving the last kiss in your memory forever._ _

__You pulled back and Thorin let go of you._ _

__"I must go", you said without breaking eye contact. "Yes", he replied quietly. He hesitated before standing up. He offered you his hand but you didn't take it. Instead you stood up yourself and walked to the doorway, looking over your shoulder you saw him staring at the floor._ _

__"Good night, Prince Thorin"._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what I based the dagger on (I just added a ruby at the bottom):https://www.pinterest.com/pin/86764730298522829/


	6. Wish Granted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a tad bit boring :P

_“The first they heard was a noise like a hurricane coming down from the North. The pines on the mountain creaked and cracked in the hot, dry wind”._

You had woken up with a start. Something was clawing at your sleeping mind, it was unrelenting and it persisted till you gave in and let it pull you out of your troubled sleep. You pushed off the covers hastily and threw open the doors to your wardrobe. You had to check up on your sister before your mother went in asking questions. It was difficult enough to give her an excuse as to why she didn’t return home last night. You had managed to put an end to her questions by saying that Iari had been too tired after the celebrations that Dís had invited her to stay. But of course your mother had been suspicious; it was indeed very special to be invited to stay at the palace, especially by a member of the royal family. But your mother would like to have avoided it at all costs, lest Iari, Mahal forbid, made a bad impression and embarrassed the whole family.

You were out of the front door even before your father was awake, who usually headed over to his mines at the break of dawn. You pulled your long formfitting red velvet coat tighter around you to shield yourself from the morning dew, while urging your pony into a faster pace. The roads were almost bare as most people were still asleep. It was beautiful to see the first light of the rising sun touch the tops of the tall pine trees, however you couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was coming. You smelled the danger in the air.

Nonetheless, as soon as you rode up to the stables, you forgot all about it and focused on finding Iari.

“You’re early today m'lady”, the stable boy said as he took the reigns from your hands. “Yes. I have quite forgotten something last night”, you said hopping off the pony. You didn’t linger to see the look he gave your poorly thought out story.

Trying to recall where the healing wing was, you wandered the maze of halls, thinking to yourself how daunting and dark they looked when people and music were absent. Guards stood watch at some of the giants doors and hallways, but that just added to the formidable air of the place. You saw a dwarf exiting one of the guarded rooms and you hurried to catch him before he disappeared down a hall.

“Why, good morning Lady Y/n! What can I do yer for?”, the strange hat on his head bobbed as he flashed you a grin. You felt horrible for not knowing his name when he clearly knew you, “I can’t seem to find the healing wing. Could you be so kind as to point me in its direction?”.

“I’m afraid I cannot m'lady. I do not live here and I’m new to these halls as well.”, you cursed yourself for not knowing where they were, given that you’ve practically grown up here. You just never had the need to go to the healers because your mother proficient enough in the art of healing to take care of any minor cuts and bruises you might acquire.

“I could help you look for or find someone who does know. I’ll bet my beard that prince Frerin knows where it is”, he smiled. You cringed, the last thing you needed was more people knowing you have business with the healers.

More people were starting to come out to tend to their daily activities. You bent in a curtsy, “Thank you. But I think I will look for it myself”, you smiled as he took his hat off and bid you a good day.

You kept walking and realized that you were approaching the throne room. And you were surprised to hear low voices coming from in there. They were almost whispers but you knew to whom they belonged to.

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about”, Frerin said.

“You try telling him that! Grandfather isn’t himself anymore. Father won’t listen either”, Thorin snapped.

“It’s that gold he loves more than his own children”, Frerin said bitterly.

“We can’t contain this situation much longer. Everything is hanging by a thread”.

“Maybe the elves are right. His greed might summon-”

“Don’t speak of such things, Frerin! The elves? The elves know nothing…damn them!”

You knew you shouldn’t be listening. But you hadn’t known that this situation with Thrór and Thráin was this bad. Everyone thought old age was affecting Thrór and that Thráin had everything under control. You stepped back and forced your feet to keep moving, maybe Thorin and Frerin were just overreacting. But you knew them and they weren’t known to worry unless it was truly a problem. Turning down a corner, you thanked Durin when you saw Glóin laughing with another stout dwarf.

“Y/n! Well, well, up and about already eh? Where about yeh headed then lassy?”, Glóin asked chuckling deeply.

You bowed in greeting before speaking, “I was searching for Avila but I do not know where the healers quarters are. Would you be so kind as to tell me where I should be looking?”.

“Aye, I be going there myself, I would like to escort you m'lady”, you accepted his offer.

In a matter of minutes, you were walking into a large room that smelled of herbs and sweet oils. Dwarrowdams dressed in white, with pieces of cloth over their noses and mouths were wandering from bed to bed. You were sort of glad that Iari wasn’t in any of those beds, but at the same time you wondered where on Arda she could have gone.

Avila was speaking with one of the figures clad in white, but grinned wide when her eyes fell on Glóin. She walked up to him, who took her in his arms and kissed her.

“What brings you here?”, Avila asked Glóin sounding a bit surprised.

“What? Can’t I come visit my woman?”, to which Avila raised a suspicious eyebrow. “Never mind that. Lady Y/n, here needs to have a minute of yer time”. Avila beckoned you to follow her, “The supplies are ready for you”, she winked.

She pulled you into a section of the room that was partitioned by a curtain. Behind it was a single bed, racks of bottled healing herbs and a side table with an ewer of water resting on it. You looked at Avila questioningly after eyeing the empty bed.

“I stayed with her the whole night. Her physical wounds were next to minor, the bruises will fade eventually with the help of this salve. After a bit of coaxing, she finally had a couple hours of sleep. She woke up and requested to go for a walk before anyone was up. I sent two of my helpers with her just in case. I would have gone with her, but I had my morning rounds to make".

“How did she look to you?”, you asked looking at her discarded dress that was folded on the edge of the bed.

“She’s doing her best to cope. Y-”

She was interrupted by a group of heavy footsteps accompanied by loud calls in Khuzdul.

“Dragon! A dragon has come!”

A loud sound, like an explosion shook the floor and resting dust on the fine masonry of the ceilings dribbled down. Your ears rang as you tried to comprehend the commanding shouts that followed. Glóin yanked the curtains aside, almost ripping them off their frame.

“Avila! We must leave. Now!”, he grasped her hand and yours and pulled you two along before you resisted, “Where are we going?”, the helpers were assisting the alarmed patients out the door. Panicked screams and footsteps echoed out in the hall.

“By the sound of it, we have to evacuate Erebor”, he said as another tremor shook the earth below your feet, then the sound of rocks tumbling over filled the room. “Hurry! We cannot delay!”, Glóin said pulling you forward.

“My sister is still out there!”, you said trying to free your wrist.

“Glóin, I took an oath.. to save lives. Iari is under my protection. I must find her”, Avila rushed through her words as he backed out of her husband’s grasp.

“Avila! This is not the time! I’m sure one of the guards got her by now”, he said in an impatient voice.

“I made a promise!”

Glóin pinched the bridge of his nose, “By Durin’s beard! Alright! I’ll come with you. Y/n, follow the guards or the others. I’m certain they’ll help you outside to safety”. You wanted to protest and insist that you come along with them, but the look in Glóin’s eyes forced you to think better. Maybe you’ll find her on your way out and maybe you should start worrying about your own safety.

The halls were almost empty now, save for a few guards searching for anyone left behind. Is it true? A dragon in Erebor?

“M’lady please, this way!”, one of the guards said pointing down a hallway. Picking up your skirts you ran in that direction till the hall split into two. You knew where both lead, and they both took you to the main hallway in front of the gates. You turned left and kept running, the distant pounding of what sounded like giant feet, to your horror, was getting dangerously close. 

And before you knew it the hallway before you gives way and the flying rubble knocks you on your back. There was fire everywhere. Another wave of screams and pleas ripped through the air. Your body was encased in hot scorching air and you blinked through the dust and smoke to see what had happened. Big lizard feet and a long slithering body walked across your path, tearing down walls and leaving colossal holes in the walls. Your head throbbed and your back protested in agony, but you had to move or be engulfed in the ravenous dragon fire.

Clamoring to your feet and staying closer to middle where the flames seemed sparse you tried to find an exit. The air was becoming almost unbreathable by the second, taking a few steps forward you realized that the hall was blocked by the rubble and flames were blocking the hole the dragon had created to enter through the first wall.

Fear was trying to seep into your mind, but you knew if you lost your calm you would in fact die in here. The only way out was through that hole but it was a huge risk. You pulled your velvet coat over your head to protect your hair and took a few steps back before you jumped through the snapping flames. You landed on your feet on the other side but when you noticed that the bottom of your skirt had caught fire, a little yelp left you. You rolled on the ground and the fire was out fast.

You stood up and looked around the main hall, the air wasn’t any better in here, you held your hand up to cover your nose from the thick smoke. Dwarves lay dead on the floor, most burned to a crisp and others smashed into pieces. It was a horrendous sight, you were going dizzy from the lack of air, the heat and the blood coloring the stone floors.

You might have very well fallen unconscious among the dead if Thorin hadn’t seized your arm and pulled you towards the demolished gates.

“Listen to me Y/n. Keep your eyes open, we’re almost there.”

You fought to keep the fog that crept up from the edges of your vision at bay. Surprisingly, your legs didn’t fail you. They kept up with Thorin as you both emerged out of the gates. You took in a deep breath of clean air and then another. Now that the sound of the roaring fire was behind you, a new sound filled your ears: dwarves screaming and wailing in agony and fear.

Hoards of your people were trying to get out of Erebor. Dwarves pushed and shoved trying to get ahead of you, but Thorin’s grip on your arm was like a vice because he wasn’t planning on losing you.

You got as far away as possible, till the crowd of people began thinning out as they gathered in groups in places they deemed safe.

You were panting and was in shock when you finally came to a stop near a couple pine trees that had survived. As soon as you came to a halt, Thorin’s grip on your wrist tightened and pulled you to face him. He studied your sooty face and body and when he didn’t find any life threatening wounds, he let go of you. You fell back onto a pile of dead leaves.

Thorin had turned to face Erebor, he looked on as the trees surrounding Erebor blazed and smoked. He took a few steps forward as if contemplating to go back in.

“It’s lost”, you heard him whisper.

You didn’t know what to do. You felt lost. Everything had been fine and now your home was on fire and a dragon sacked the palace. To your left, the city of Dale was up in smoke too and the smell of burning flesh drifted over to you triggering your gag reflex.

“What…happened…”, you asked choking back tears.

Thorin didn’t move, his eyes were fixed on the mountain and it took him awhile to register your words, “A fire drake from the North. Smaug. The gold..summoned it”.

Even through your distress you were able to empathize with what Thorin was feeling. You slowly got up and walked towards him and stood in silence. You saw the gash on his thigh, the wound on his arm and his chest. His face was covered in ash, his beard singed and his eyes heavy with loss and despair.

“They didn’t help us, Y/n. Wh-why? _why?_ ”, he asked through gritted teeth. You didn’t know what he was talking about so you said nothing, instead you let your fingers lightly touch his. He flinched and turned his head slightly to the side to look at you.

“Is the King safe? And Prince Thráin?”, you asked concerned. Thorin nodded, “They made it out just in time”.

“And…what of Frerin?”.

He turned his head a fraction more, “He took another troop of soldiers to defend the treasure hall. I don’t know what happened after”.

You went pale. What if he’s dead? You felt horribly guilty for some reason. You felt like the words you’ve spoken last night…your confession, wishing Thorin wasn’t the prince…somehow made this happen. “I-I..must find my parents”, you said looking down at the gathering of dwarves.

“I must look for survivors”, he said starting towards Erebor.

You walked through the rushing dwarves. Many were injured and lay on the ground with loved ones clutching on to them. Others were shouting names and some rushed to hug their children. You called out the names of your parents and sister.

“Y/n!”.

Dís walked over to you with two guards at her back, “Thank Mahal, you’re aright!”, she said grasping your hands. For once in her life she didn’t look regal, she hair and skin was sooty like yours and her silk dress was destroyed, “I’m glad you’re alright aswell! But did you see Iari? Or my parents?”. Dís shook her head and looked at the Lonely Mountain sadly.

At that moment Glóin pushed through a couple of people with Avila who lay motionless in his arms. You rushed over to him as he laid her down on a patch of grass, “What’s happened?!”. You ran a hand down the side of her face and realized that she was breathing.

“Too much smoke. She was trying to save Iari. I’m so sorry lassy..she didn’t make it”, he said bowing his head.

You went pale. Your hands were numb and your stomach plummeted to your feet. It couldn’t be true. You heard strangled sobs but you knew they weren’t yours. Dís threw her arms around you and wept into your dress. You didn’t move. You couldn’t. You couldn’t believe your baby sister was dead. No. You refused to believe it. Your head snapped up towards the entrance to Erebor waiting for Iari.

Avila stirred with a groan. Dís moved as you knelt at her side hoping she’d confirm Iari’s survival. With Glóin’s help she sat up rubbing the side of her head. Her eyes wandered till they rested on your pale face, her own face crumpled up and tears sprang to her eyes, "I'm sorry Y/n! I'm so sorry! I tried...", she flung her hands around you, pulling you closer.

So it was true then. You hugged her back, finally letting your tears fall. She was gone. You wished you could have her back, apologize for everything that had befallen her...if you could have her back, you'd never let anything happen to her again. But life didn't work that way.

"Come on! Salvage what you can! We'll need food and heat if we're going to survive.", the dwarf with the funny hat you met earlier this morning shouted over the commotion.

He was right. There are no walls or guards to protect you out here. Only the Valar knew what was lurking in the shadows. You had to have a clear mind and help where you can.

Pulling back, you spoke, "Are you alright? Are you hurt?". Avila shook her head while wiping her face.

"Don't you worry about her. I've got her. You go find your folks", he said with a slight nod. You gave Avila a faint smile before weaving your way through the mass of people with Dís tailing you.

* * *

Darkness was falling when you decided to rest. You sat down on a tree stump and let out a heartbroken sigh. Dís sat down at your feet and leaned her head against your leg. Hope was fading and you were frustrated. You didn't find your parents or Frerin. Did the Gods mean to ruthlessly rip everyone you love away from you? But you refused to lose all faith, they could still turn up in the morning.

"Might I join you m'lady?", it was that dwarf with the hat again, this time he had a stack of firewood in his arms. You nodded while racking your brains trying to remember his name. "The name is Bofur, m'lady", he smiled setting the wood down. You ducked your head, "I'm sorry..", you gently ran a hand through Dís' brown tresses. "We were never formerly introduced", he shrugged.

Soon he had a reasonably sized fire going. The dwarves had calmed down enough to build fires and huddle around them. A few were still crying and sometimes the moans of the dying could be heard.

You were tired beyond words, your feet were swollen from the excessive walking and your back was badly bruised. You slunk off the stump and shifted Dís so that her head was lying on your lap, you also shrouded her in a blanket you've received from one of the survivors.

Leaning your head back against the tree stump, you let sleep take you.

* * *

"Y/n", a soft voice stirred you from your sleep.

It was still dark and Dís still slept on your lap. With much difficulty, you opened your eyes when you felt hands cup your face and gentle kisses being pressed on your cheeks. You found yourself staring into deep blue eyes. Your head was groggy and sleep was calling again.

But the streak of red on his forehead grabbed your attention, "Thorin, you're hurt", you said before burying your face in his chest and falling asleep again.

Frerin held you in his arms, a little more than confused. He looked up at his brother who stood a few feet away with his hands crossed in front of him. Thorin shrugged before walking away.

Thorin had lost his kingdom, his kin had suffered a great deal today and there most certainly was no room for happiness tonight. And above all, he did not want his brother hurt, but he couldn't help the little smile that tugged at his lips.


	7. I Almost Had You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is way overdue. It was an exhausting week. I was a bad noodle this weekend. But anyway enjoy babies :*

Dís woke up alone on the hard ground with a blanket over her. The sun was high up the sky and the fire had dwindled to ash. Scrambling up to her aching feet she wandered through the giant camp looking for her brothers and you. The people seem to be gathering their few saved possessions and getting ready to leave. 

She found Thorin next to their father and grandfather who were both atop ponies. Thorin was nodding in agreement at what Thráin had said when she interrupted, “Adad! Where are you going? Where’s everyone going?”. 

Their eyes turned to her. Thrain smiled at her, “I will see you shortly” before nodding at Thorin and riding off with Thrór. Thorin didn’t look at her, “We must make haste to Moria. Father will rally the soldiers of the Iron Hills and meet us", he appeared to be talking to himself assessing the strategy, more than answering Dís’ questions. 

Dís looked bewildered, “Why would we need soldiers?”, she asked following him. 

Thorin came to a halt abruptly and turned to look at the little dwarfling, “You shouldn’t concern yourself with such things Dís. If Mahal is with us, there won’t be any need for soldiers. It’s just a precaution”, he kissed the top of her head before adding, “Now, go find Frerin so we can be on our way”. 

Dís was used to the obscurity of her brothers’ explanations, she had learned to cope with what little information was given to her long time ago. She asked nothing more and began the search for Frerin. It didn’t take long for her to spot him with you in his arms. 

Inching closer you heard the last of your fading sobs. Frerin gently ran his fingers down your hair. 

“You’re not alone my love. Though your family is gone, know that you have me and my family who loves you one of their own”, he said lovingly. His words didn’t soothe your pain. You feared nothing will. You felt lost without your family and hearing that they were all dead was devastating and soul crushing. They left you to fend for yourself in a world you knew nothing of. You lived your life within the walls of Erebor and where will you go now? 

You pulled back, you needed to be strong because now wasn’t the time to despair. If you sit here helpless you’re good as dead. Frerin wiped the last of your tears and kissed you gently:

“We must be off now”, he said when he spotted Dís waiting. She appreached you and placed a hand on your shoulder in condolence for she didn’t know what to say. 

You nodded and walked with Dís and Frerin to the front of the gathered people where Thorin stood with the remaining soldiers of Erebor. He gave you a slight nod before you all began your journey to Khazad-dûm. 

* * *

The months that came were difficult and riddled with many challenges, also experiences. You laid your eyes on your first orc, you had seen night raids and mothers watch their children starve. You had felt what it was truly live in complete poverty and actually feel painful _hunger_.

But of course there were moments you’ve liked. Like sleeping under the stars, walking through a field of fireflies with Frerin and watching the sunset over the Great River Anduin was breathtaking. Also the taste of water when you’ve nearly forgotten the feel of it cannot be compared to any earthly pleasure you were aware of. 

You took another sip of water from a water skin as you walked into the tiny tent you shared with Frerin. It was definitely not fit for the prince, or yourself to be truthful but you had to get used to it. There was only so much one can do when one’s got very little money. It had two piles of rags that served as beds and two tiny stubs of candle. Now that you’ve almost reached Moria, Thráin had ordered the dwarves to settle down since he didn’t know for how long you will have to be here. 

Thrain had reached your camp a month after you had set it up, with a fairly large army from the Iron Hills. Frerin and Thorin along with a few other soldiers left a few days ago to scout out the parameters of Moria. 

Dís and Avila were sitting on your pile of rags and when you walked in it was almost impossible to turn in the small space. 

“Oh, how far we’ve fallen”, Avila muttered bitterly. 

“Your brothers are back”, you told Dís. 

“I don’t know what the meaning of all this sneaking about is. What could possibly be at Moria that could be threatening. We’ve known these folk for years! I for one would like to get out of this god forsaken wilderness and back into civilization. I’ve quite forgotten what silverware looks like. Or beds for that matter", Dís said eyeing your “bed”. 

Avila smiled before standing, “Yes it would be nice to not worry about everything. Y/n, it’s almost supper time. Would you help me cook something up?”.

You nodded following her outside. Through the journey, you, Bofur, Glóin and Avila had stayed together with the royal family. All dwarves split into smaller groups to make it easier to hunt and keep track of eachother. In your little group, either Bofur, Thorin or Frerin would go hunting for food and Avila or you would cook it. In some of the more desolate areas there would be very little food and not everyone would be able to eat. Sometimes the food availability would only worsen and many would be left to starve. 

Thankfully, fruit and game were abundant near Moria.

Bofur sat near a pit of fire skinning a couple of rabbits after having plucked the feathers off of three pea hens. 

“I’ll take it from here, Bofur. Thank you”, Avila smiled taking the small knife from his hand. “If you say so m'lady”, he slid to the side allowing Avila to sit. You sat next to her and grabbed another knife and went to work on the potatoes in silence. 

“It doesn’t sound good”, Bofur said looking up from his pipe. Both you and Avila glanced in his direction. “By the sound of Thorin’s conversation with Thráin, the scout didn’t go so well”. 

Avila ripped the fur off the back of the dead rabbit with more force than necessary, “What? Are we to expect war? Did our brothers refuse us shelter?”, you gave her a look and she fell silent once more. 

“What kind of trouble are we expecting?”, you asked Bofur. He shrugged, “We’ll soon have answers”. 

* * *

Dinner had been pleasant enough as you sat with Glóin, Avila, Bofur and Dís. Avila had taken bowls of food to the King and princes for they didn’t leave their tent for many hours. Bofur and Glóin entertained the ladies with their wild stories which never seem to run out. But they always managed to bring a smile to your lips. 

The fire burned bright and smoke rose into the dark starlit sky. Moments like this, when people came together, regardless their status and titles, to share the warmth of a fire and a bowl of food, were times you would remember for the rest of your life. 

Soon you excused yourself and retreated into your tent to get some rest. You washed your hands in the bowl of water you brought in. There was no point but you tried to keep clean as best as you could. Your face, hands and feet were constantly dirty and you haven’t seen a new dress since you left Erebor. Your once pretty velvet coat and dress were in tatters and was a deep murky color. You’ve washed it a couple times whenever you saw a lake, but those were rare occasions. You took off your frayed corset and laid down on the pile of rags and pulled a decent sized cloth over yourself. It didn’t do much, you still felt cold and the ground was hard against your back event through the rags. You almost blew out the candle when Frerin walked in. 

He hadn’t been willing to let you sleep alone or let you sleep with Dís unless there was someone watching after you. Thorin and Dís shared a tent and no body had said word when Frerin and you slept together because no one cared about proper conduct anymore. Of course nothing inappropriate happened between you two. He honestly just worried about you and keeping his family alive. 

You sat up while he took his armor off and put down his weapons.

“What happened? How did it go?”, you asked. 

He sighed and was quiet for a while before he replied, “Orcs have taken Khazad-dûm and grandfather had decided to take it back”. You gasped.

“So you must go? To…war?”, you just couldn’t be able to bare anymore death.

“Yes. Come morning we will take back Khazad-dûm.”, he said walking over to you and laying down next to you. He beckoned you to come closer, you rested your head on his chest and he wrapped his arm around you to keep you warm.

“Better?”, he asked once you stopped shivering. You nodded , “but can I not convince you to stay?”.

He chuckled and pulled you up to looked into your eyes, “I’ll be fine”, he kissed you deeply while pinning you down and crawling on top of you. 

He kissed all the way down your neck, “I don’t want to speak of such things tonight, my love”, he whispered against your skin. He gently sucked on that spot and you wrapped your arms around him. He licked the outline of your bottom lip and bit down on it gently, you kissed eachother fiercely. He pulled away and flopped down next to you, in a flash he had turned you on to your side so that your back was pressed up against his chest. He kissed your neck and down your shoulder while his hand found its way down your arm and rested on your breast. You let out a small squeak in surprise. You could feel his lips curl in a smile against your skin. 

He slowly began moving his hand, grabbing a handful of your breast. He left a trail of love bites down your neck and shoulder. You found that your lips parted and little cried of pleasure tumbled out. Your back arched involuntarily, rubbing against Frerin’s growing crotch, he drew in a sharp breath and tightened his grasp on you. You froze when you realized what you’ve done, he responded with a grind on your butt. Then another. 

His hand left your clothed breast and trailed down your curves and back up again, then down towards your warmth. You were taken by surprise so you flinched away from his touch and in doing so, ground into his crotch. He groaned in his throat, he liked what you were doing to him. 

But it wasn’t intentional, this didn’t feel right to you. His hand pressed down on your crotch through your dress and your hands immediately grasped his arm and gave it a short but firm push. He pulled back at once when he understood that you were resisting. 

“I’m sorry”, he said quietly, “I’m sorry if I offended you. I just thought..that we were good as married by now”. 

You buried your face in the crook of his arm, completely torn apart. These past few months didn’t leave any room for romance or ceremonies. Your relationship with Frerin and Thorin had been put on hold - a plateau. And it meant that your feelings for both of hadn’t changed. 

“Y/n..I know you have feelings for me, and I also know love isn’t one of them”, Frerin tenderly tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear. You couldn’t bring yourself to lie to him anymore, if he dies tomorrow you couldn’t live with it. 

“Do you love him?“,there was hesitation in his voice and you could tell that it was difficult for him to ask this. You froze up and you tried to sink lower into the rags.

“Who?”, you weakly mumbled into his arm. 

He let out a low chuckle, “Don’t do that. You know who I mean”. Of course you did, but did he really expect you to admit to being in love with his brother? 

“I know you did your best to love me. And you were good to me but I can’t keep you from following your heart. It’s not fair. I will love you till the moment I draw my last breath but I don’t want you to live an unhappy-”. 

“I’m not unhappy”, you interuppted, “I want to forget him. I can’t ever be with him and I _do_ care for you..just give me some time..”, you said turning around. His lips were set in a slight smile that did very little to conceal his sadness. 

“I think I’ve taken enough of your time, my love..I will talk to father about you and Thorin”. 

“No!”, you said abruptly, “It’s not right and you know it. Your father will never agree. I _will_ love you like you love me".

You reached up hastily and held his face in your hands and placed a kiss on his lips. “I’m fairly certain that even though we’re homeless our people won’t be so quick to pardon a break in tradition”. 

“If you had the freedom to choose differently, you would, wouldn’t you?”, he asked running his fingers over your cheek, “and speak truthfully”. 

You were very uncomfortable. You looked down at the bead you’d given him resting at the end of his braid. Sadly you nodded your answer. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I never did, I never want to”, you whispered. 

“I know that”, Frerin smiled, “Jus...nothing. Forget it. Get some rest, my love", he said kissing your forehead and blowing out the candle. 

Darkness fell in the tiny tent and you lay there motionless, any hope of rest left you. You thought twice about speaking anything more and just laid there feeling disturbed and guilty. Hours passed by and you finally fell asleep an hour before sunrise. 

* * *

You had gathered with the rest of the people who weren't part of the army too them off. You stood next to Dís and Avila who's face was tear stained and red as she watched her husband on his pony. 

They began to move and the women threw flowers at their feet. You tossed your flower before Frerin, Thráin and Thrór and Frerin smiled and bowed his head at you. You vaguely wondered why Thorin wasn't anywhere in sight but before you could even register it, the sound of people parting behind you caused you to look over your shoulder. Before you knew it, Thorin’s hand grabbed your shoulder and pulled you aside to get past you and Dís. He was so close that you couldn't help but notice a familiar bead in a braid hidden under locks of his hair. It was the bead you had lost so very long ago at one of the feasts. He turned his head to the side and gave you a slight smirk before joining in the departing army.


	8. Death Is Commonplace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile huh?  
> I'm back home for the summer and I finally can work on this in peace. I'm sooo sorry for abandoning this story, but I hope to keep a steady flow of chapters coming out throughout this summer.  
> Getting back into the groove of writing was a bit challenging, so bare with me till I get the hang of it again.  
> Please comment on how I can improve and leave kudos!  
> Enjoy <3

The next two days stretched on and seemed never ending to you and most of your people. Anxiety had you on edge and you were constantly on the lookout for Thorin, Frerin and the rest. You hated that you were the stereotypical damsel waiting for your beau to come home from war, but you couldn’t help it; you wanted to know that everyone was alright. But you knew that wasn’t realistic. It was war and countless innocent people died. 

“Y/n, stop worrying so. They will be alright", Dís said walking past you with basket of berries in her arms. She seemed to be the only rational one amongst you during this stressful time, maybe it was because she was used to having her brothers and father go off to battle. Erebor had never been safe from the threat of orc attacks. 

The sky was shadowed by dusk, the air was still and cold, smoke rose into the air from many fires scattered through out the camp. You pulled the tattered shawl tighter around you as you walked towards the brook at the far end of the field. Dipping the wooden bucket in the babbling water, you pulled it out and headed back to make dinner.

“What did you find today, Bofur?”, you tried to sound quirky and free your mind from your thoughts for awhile. 

“Rabbit again, I’m afraid. Barely big enough for a dwarfling”, he looked up from the rabbit he was skinning and gave you an apologetic look. 

You set the bucket down and washed one of the rabbit carcasses in the water, “It’s alright, this is plenty. I could make a stew with the leftover bits of vegetables”.

You began slicing the meat off the bones, “We’ve been hunting in these parts for much too long. There are too many mouths to feed and the orcs have either slaughtered or scared the game away. It’s not your fault, Bofur”. 

Bofur smiled gratefully, “You’re too kind, Y/n. But if I don’t improve my hunting skills, we might not make it through the winter". 

“Why not? When we take back Moria we’d have plenty food to survive many winters". 

Bofur was most definitely not a fighter, but he didn’t stay behind because he was a coward; he was probably one of the bravest people you knew, he was left behind with a handful of other dwarves to hunt and provide protection for the darrowdam. You have grown quite fond of the dwarf in the funny hat, he had a way of always lifting your spirits.

After an hour or so, the stew was made and you took a bowl full into Avila’s tent where she was bedridden with fever. The fever had had taken a few of the dwarves and you feared that you had lost Avila too, but last night the fever eased up and she gained some of her consciousness back.

Setting the bowl down, you knelt at her side. She was asleep, her breathing was steady which was good. You grabbed the nearby washcloth and dabbed at her slightly glistening brow. She was still warmer than normal but better than she was last night.

“Are they back yet?”, she mumbled fighting to open her eyes. 

“Not yet…soon”, you smoothed her hair, “How are you feeling?”. 

“I wish I was still unconscious. At least then I didn’t feel the pain”, she grumbled. 

“Here, have something to eat. It will help”, you helped her sit up and lifted a spoonful to her lips. 

The distinct sound of returning horns in the distance pierced the calm atmosphere of the tent. You almost dropped the hot bowl on Avila’s lap, both heads snapped to the entrance of the tent. Your heart raced with excitement and anticipation, you glanced at Avila who raised her eyebrows and took the bowl from you, “Go!”.

That’s all the encouragement you needed. In a matter of seconds you were racing through the camp towards the mass of gathered people. You pushed and squeezed your way towards the front to get a better view.

The army looked much smaller, almost half the number of soldiers hadn’t returned. The ones that did return found their way to their loved ones, you could already hear the wails of the heartbroken and abandoned.

Your eyes wandered from face to face, searching for Thorin and Frerin. Everyone looked severely wounded and drained. The crowd was dispersing along with the soldiers when you at last spotted Thorin. He was covered in dirt and drying blood, his hair matted on his the sides of his head. But you didn’t care, you ran up to him and flung your arms around his neck, taking him by surprise. 

“You’re alright”, you breathed into his battered armor. He grunted in pain at the contact before slowly wrapping his arms around you. You were so glad to feel his heart beating against your cheek and hear his soft breathing. He slowly stepped back and looked down at your flushed face. His eyes were sad and he looked ten years older, he reached for your hand and grasped it gently. You felt a small cold weight drop onto your palm.

“I’m so sorry”, his voice almost faltered. 

You opened your clenched fist and your heart dropped to your feet. It was the bead you had given Frerin as a sign of your engagement. You felt numb and all you could hear was the blood rushing in your veins. It couldn’t be. 

“Tell me it isn’t so..”, you said with tears welling in your eyes. It wasn't that you couldn't handle the loss, death is commonplace in your world now, it's just that you felt like a murderous witch for toying with his heart and promising him things you couldn't provide him with. Could his broken heart have had some part in his death? Thorin’s gaze dropped to the ground, it was plain that he was trying to keep what composure he had left. 

“We lost good dwarves. The king has fallen. So has my brother. But we won back Moria”.

You squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head vigorously. Thorin was almost dizzy from the blood loss, but you didn’t notice. He sat down and a darrowdam came rushing over. 

“My prince, you’re wounded..”, she got to work at once, removing his armor and washing the blood. You barely noticed what was happening around you, you felt so disconnected from reality. 

Dazed, you slowly sat down next to Thorin. The bead in your hand felt like a burning ember that weighed the world. Frerin was really gone. 

“It’s not your fault. None of this is”, Thorin through ragged breaths. 

The pain in his voice tugged at your floating mind and you tried to process your surroundings. Thorin was leaning against a tree, fighting to stay conscious as the girl worked on his wounds. You moved to help but she insisted that she could handle it. You put the bead in your pocket and stood up to provide assistance elsewhere. 

* * *

With the King dead and his son mysteriously disappearing one night, the responsibility of deciding the fate of the people of Erebor fell to Thorin. It was decided that Ered Luin would be the wiser choice for a new settlement since rebuilding Moria into a habitable and safe home was impossible. Resources and money was needed, all of which neither him nor his people possessed right now. 

Thorin allowed a few days to drift by; long enough for the injured and sick to recover. And the day dawned when you must be on the road again.

You stepped into his tent. It was dark and foreboding, specially with the dim, dark blue light of dusk shining in through the seams of the tent. Your eyes fell on the figure that was sitting in a corner with a sword in hand. 

You felt his intense gaze on you.

“Forgive me for not coming sooner..”, you began feeling very guilty all of a sudden, after all this was the first time you were seeing him since he returned from Moria.

He didn’t move. Gathering your nerves you took small, brisk steps towards him to tend to the matter at hand. You felt around on the floor next to him till you found flint stones and half a candle. Once you got it lit, you saw that he had improved since last you saw him. You pulled out the small jar of salve from your pocket. 

His brooding eyes flickered to your hand, “I don’t need that”. 

“I disagree. So do the healers”, you glanced at his bare chest and saw that the skin around the gashes was still red although the wounds themselves had healed quite well. You dipped your fingers in the salve and brought them upto his chest. 

“You don’t have to”, his hand seized yours before you made contact with his flesh. His eyes swept your confused face, “I can do it”. 

“I know you’re quite capable. But…let me…to make up for my absence”. 

He slowly let go and let you proceed. You worked quickly and quietly and focused on the gashes and ignored his nerve wrecking gaze on you. He laid his sword down next to him. 

“It’s almost time. Are the people ready?”, he asked in a serious fashion. You nodded your reply and rested your hands on your lap once you were done tending to him. 

You searched his face, “Thorin..about that..well…why are we doing this really? If we truly wanted to rebuild Moria, we can surely get the aid of the Iron Hills and even Belegost. You know as well as I do that they wouldn’t forsaken us. Tell me for I need to know, why are we not staying here?”. 

His face hardened and his gaze wandered to the side before sighing, “You just might be too smart for your own good, Y/n”. Thorin stood up and offered you his hand which you took.

“When we fought the orcs and pushed on into the heart of Khazad-dûm”, he explained while pulling on his weathered tunic, “we saw it. Durin’s bane. A Balrog. There is no way we can get Khazad-dûm back now”. Your eyes widened and you thanked Aulë for allowing Thorin to get out alive, “I thought they all died long before”. 

Thorin shrugged lightly and turned to face you.

"And of course the last of their kind had to take one of _our_ cities", you sighed studying Thorin’s grave face, "it couldn't pick one of those Valar forsaken elf cities", you smirked. 

Thorin raised an eyebrow as his lips slowly turned upwards at the corners, "Now that's a thought". He took short strides towards you without breaking eye contact. 

"How have you been, Y/n?", he asked gently. 

You stared into his deep dark eyes searching for words, "I-I'm..alright..". 

His eyes flickered to your lips as they formed your poorly chosen words and back to your eyes. He was silent for a while before responding with an abrupt, "Good". 

"Ride with me up front", it was more of a statement than a request and he was out the tent before you could reply. 

Somethings never change and you didn't know if you should be frustrated or comforted by this fact. 


	9. Ered Luin

The day was at an end, the gentle winds were carrying the birds home and the sun was sinking in the east leaving a trail of orange tint in the sky. You pulled the cart behind you towards the back of the small house and set it against the cobblestone wall. Pushing open the back door, you stepped into the dark kitchen and flopped down at the table, letting out a tired sigh. 

It’s been two years since you reached the Blue Mountains. It had been difficult finding a place to build a settlement, your kind either didn’t get along well with the locals or it was too expensive to live in that area. And finally, Thorin chose the Blue Mountains. A few miles from Dunland and a little more south from the dwarven city of Nogrod, you happened upon a small merchant village sheltered by the shadows of the mountains. Over the span of two years, with the help of Nogrod and through hard work, the dwarves of Erebor made this village into quite a large town, making use of the trade routs and the nearby sea, many dwarves built successful lives for themselves. Few discovered mines in the mountains and made fortunes, while some who lacked the skills to do such tasks, like yourself, turned to other things.

You had chosen a secluded house away from the heart of the town and near to the sea. It was a small two storied house, big enough for a kitchen, sitting room and two bedrooms; it wasn’t much but it was enough for you. Being near the sea meant you could catch fish, harvest clams and oysters which you carted to the market and sold to fat rich dwarves. Clams and the like, weren’t a staple in the diets of dwarves back in Erebor because the sea was a long way off, so it was a “treat” food. You soon found out that you could make a lot for one clam or oyster if you targeted the right customers.

You pulled out a little coin purse and emptied its contents onto the table. Using what little light was coming through the window, you separated the silver coins from the copper.

Ten coppers and four silvers.

Well, that ought to get you through the rest of the week. On some nights, you would work at one of the taverns in the town to make few extra coins. You didn’t particularly like working there, not because the pay was bad, but because you had very little experience with dealing drunk dwarves let alone drunk men. They’d tease you, ogle you, cop a feel and even try their luck. But you put up with it because some of the wealthiest people came to that tavern and they tipped well. Just last night you had gotten a gold coin for an unwelcome squeeze on your butt and your willingness to bite your tongue on the matter. 

Putting all money back into your purse, you got up and lit a fire in the kitchen and living room. You were just about to go upstairs and step into a much deserved bath, when there was an abrupt knock on the front door. You urged your aching feet to walk to the door. 

“Oh! By the Valar’s grace you’re home, Y/n”, Avila sighed in relief the moment you swung the door open. 

“I’ve tried Thorn and Dis’ and Bofur’s, because you’re the last person I wanted to bother…I know you had a tiring day. But I have to step out to run an important errand and Gloin is still at the forges…will you look after little Gimli for awhile?”, she asked in a rush.

Your eyes fell onto the little redheaded, wide eyed dwarfling in Avila’s arms, who gurgled and smiled at you. 

“Of course, Avila. It’s not a problem at all”, you smiled taking the baby in your arms.

“I’ve already fed the little lad, so he should fall right asleep. If he doesn’t here’s his favorite toy. I know he shan’t be too much of a bother”, she said knitting her eyebrows.

“I know, I’ve watched him for you before”, you said laughing as you rolled your eyes. 

She shrugged before eyeing your outfit, “I see you haven’t changed your mind about pants yet”, she said wrinkling her nose.

“They’re practical”, you said glancing at your dusty brown pants, “I can’t be wading through the waters looking for shellfish and walking to the market and back in a dress. It’s the most aggravating thing, trust me”. 

“I suppose”, she said before giving Gimli a quick peck on the cheek and turning to leave.

You shut the door and bounced Gimli up and down, eliciting a string of giggles and happy squeals.

“Guess my bath would have to wait”, you said laughing along.

Before you could set Gimli down on the couch, there was a knock on the door again. You made a face at Gimli, “Your mommy worries too much”.

You opened the door to face Thorin. He had his hands clasped behind his back and a slight smile on his lips, he nodded his greeting before you spoke, “And what brings you here?”.

You laughed as you stepped aside to let him in. It was a good question though, because Thorin spent much of his time working at the smithy and the rest chasing down whispers of the whereabouts of his lost father. He never could spare any time to do other things, not even to just have a moment to himself. So naturally, his presence at your door delighted you.

"Am I interrupting something?", he glanced at the baby in your arms.

"Not at all. I'm watching him till Avila gets back. What did you have in mind?".

"Nothing in particular. I wished to call on you, since it's been quite sometime since I last did", he smiled apologetically.

"I understand that you're busy. You owe me no apology. We must do what must be done to get by", you shrugged as you walked to the fur couch and put Gimli down and built a cushion fort around him to keep him from falling. You then handed him his stuffed toy to entertain himself with.

"Speaking of which, you look tired. And in need of a wash", he spoke in his baritone voice which you've missed so much.

"So are you", you laughed as you studied his soot covered face. He most likely came over as soon as he finished work at the forge.

"Go on. I'll look after him till you get back”, he said taking a seat next to Gimli’s fort. 

“If you’re certain you can manage Gimli’s fiery temper tantrums”, you said giggling as you climbed the stairs.

“I’m quite sure that I can outmatch his temper”.

You looked over your shoulder and saw that his face bore a serious expression, “I don’t doubt that”, you smirked as he chuckled.

* * *

After taking a short bath, you slipped into a light dress. You sometimes missed having a couple hundred dresses and whatnot to choose from, but you had grown accustomed to having the five options you had in your small armoire. The two pairs of shoes and the inexpensive coral hair comb you saved for special occasions, were quite enough. 

As you went down the stairs, you quickly braided your damp hair into a loose rope, partly to retain the waves and partly because you didn’t want to be undone in front of Thorin.

Thorin was gently brushing a few of Gimli’s red curls away from his sleeping face. You’ve never seen him handle something so carefully before and it was a baffling scene. The second he heard your footsteps, his hand retreated.

“Did he fuss?”, you asked in a hushed voice.

“No. He behaved”, he said leaning forward in his seat.

“Well then”, you looked around awkwardly, thinking of what to say next, “you must be hungry. I’ve not made dinner, because I wasn’t expecting guests. But I-”

“Please don’t trouble yourself. I’m not hungry”, he cut you off. Since there wasn’t any room left on the couch for you sit on, he slid onto the wooden floor and beckoned you to join him. 

Sitting next to him again brought back so many memories. You sat in silence for a few minuted before Thorin turned his head to look at you.

“Y/n, I don’t deem it safe for you to be living out here all by yourself”, he said quietly, “it’s too far out of the way”.

You broke out into a hushed chuckle, “Thorin, I’m no warrior but I managed to survive out here for two years”.

“Orcs are getting bolder, for some reason five were found wandering the outskirts of Nogrod. Who’s to say they won’t stumble upon our town? You’d be much safer near the town square, should it happen”.

“Where am I going to get my clams from? And how am I going to pay for a house in the town? It’s thrice the pay I paid for this one”, you reasoned.

“Stay with Dis. I know she gets lonesome when I’m not around”, he offered unwilling to yield.

You placed a hand on his, “I am going to alright”, you said softly.

He let out an frustrated sigh before resolving to silence. He slowly clasped your hand, “I do worry about you. And I think of you everyday...it is a bittersweet torment. Might I ask of you a favor to ease my mind?”

You nodded, unable to form words. You had thought that Thorin had lost his feelings for you long before. The thought hurt because your affections for him still burned strong.

“I gather you work at the tavern near the crossroads”.

“Some nights”, you added.

“I don’t like it. I know what drunk men are like. Someone could hurt you... I don’t want their filthy hands on you”, he said tightening his grip on your hand.

You smiled weakly at him, “Thorin, you know I do what I must. There is no other work for someone like me here”.

“You wouldn’t need to work two jobs if you lived with us. I could take care of you...”, he whispered desperately.

“Thorin..I-I don’t know...”, you said looking at your lap. You looked up when you felt his forehead press against yours. He was leaning into kiss you and you found yourself doing the same.

A loud knock on the door had you scrambling to your feet. You opened the door and Avila swept in.

“I’m so sorry it took so long. You wouldn’t believe the amount of paperwork you have to clear in ord-”, she stopped short when she noticed Thorin standing next to Gimli.

“Well, forgive me my lord”, she bowed her head. Although Thorin had lost everything, people who were still loyal to him considered him their King.

“Please, think nothing of it. I was just on my way”, he said as he nodded a farewell to you and Avila. 

Once the door shut behind him Avila turned to face you with wide eyes, “My, my! I haven’t seen Thorin so flushed in..well..ever! I think he fancies you”.

“You think?”, you asked trying to contain your laughter. Avila walked over to the couch and lovingly picked up her slumbering dwarfling.

“This might be good for him. He has changed profusely. He doesn’t talk much neither is he _happy_. I do understand. Neither of us are thrilled to be away from home, and since he is the heir, it must be doubly unsettling. But what can one do, other than accept the hand of cards you’ve been dealt and make the most of it’.

You sighed. 

Avila looked over at you, “It would do you some good too”, she said gently, “Y/n, it’s been three years since Frerin died”. You cringed at his name, it still hurt to speak of him. “It’s time you moved on”.

She walked over to the door, “Just think about it?”.

You lifted a corner of your lips in a half smile before nodding.

She promptly stepped outside with a “Good night”.

“Good night”, you said into the empty house.


	10. Art

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any ideas on how I should continue this? Any help would be much appreciated :)  
> Thank you for reading, leave kudos <3  
> Enjoy!

“Over here sweet cheeks! Another round!”.

You rolled your eyes as you struggled with the five tankards of ale in your hands, you squeezed past a couple dwarves and dodged another who tripped onto your path.

The tavern was full tonight, but not unusual for a Friday. The air was stuffy and stank of ale and rum, the sound of drunken slurs and laughter was deafening and the orders kept on piling up as the night stretched on. The tavern was short staffed tonight and you and one other employee tried your best to juggle the customers efficiently.

You quickly handed out the tankards and hastily walked away to end to the others.

“Hey now! Don’t just run off, come talk to us”, the table you just served burst out laughing.

You rolled your eyes for the umpteenth time before replying, “I’m sorry but it’s a busy night, I have things to do”. On your first night working here you had told one of the chatty, handsy ones to sod off and that didn’t go over too well with your employer. You had to be pleasant and “entertaining” enough for his customers if they were to come back.

You wiped your damp hands on your tight leather pants and proceeded to fill seven tankards with beer. You prayed that they asked for beer and you weren’t muddling their order up with that of the two humans who sat at the far end.

“I didn’t want to believe the rumors..but here you are”.

You nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard that voice. Spinning around you met Fallas’ eyes. Anguish flared inside you, your mind was hazy with images of that night…of Iari and her demise. Naturally, your first instinct was to kill him. Your hand shot to the dagger Thorin had given you years before which you concealed at the base of your spine.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. We’re in public, I can easily disarm you and also you will get fired”, he grinned.

You snorted in disbelief, “I would go homeless and starve if it meant I can end your life”.

“Well the fact is you can’t. Why get yourself killed when you have so much to live for”, you couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic.

“What do you want?”, you demanded.

He leaned against the table he was sitting at, “First, how ‘bout some hospitality. This is no way to treat a customer”, he flashed his perfect teeth at you. Catching your boss’s eye, you handed him the tankard you held in your hand.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to my job”, you said abruptly after.

"I came all the way from Belegost to seek you and this is how you treat me?", he asked grasping your hand. You flinched like his touch burned your skin.

"What do you want from me?", you whispered trying to hold your rage and tears back.

He chugged the tankard and slammed it down on the table. He ran his glove clad fingers through his blond locks and replaced his quirky grin with a slightly intimidating one while he looked you up and down, "rags to silk and to rags again, huh?", he chuckled, "What do I want? There's nothing you _can_ give me anymore. Your family's riches..all gone. But you see..I didn't appreciate how I was treated at Erebor. I could barely stand or remember my name the next day. I vaguely remember hearing the flames and the screams of your dying people", he motioned you to fill his tankard and you reluctantly got up and did so.

"Nothing you didn't deserve", you sneered, "get to your bloody point".

He held up a finger and took a large gulp of his drink, which annoyed you to no extent. "It's a real shame what happened to Erebor. Our families would have been benefited mutually. Iari...", your eyes flared, "Iari would have given me lots of heirs, she would have been my little pet".

"Don't get me wrong, my first choice was you. You were the oldest, and the heir to most of the family's fortune and the most beautiful of the two. But you were promised to another and Iari was all too willing and easy".

You clenched your fists, "you had no right..no right to touch her", you managed to say.

He let out a laugh, "Ah, I guess I was spoiled when I was younger. My parents let me have anything I wanted. Old habits die hard I suppose". He glided a finger over your cheek, "I always take what I want. And I want you".

You swatted his hand away and looked at him in disgust, "I would rather eat shit".

He smirked in amusement, "Such words from a lady?".

"Fuck you", you snapped.

“Hmm”, he leaned in closer, “Like I said, I didn’t like how I was treated in Erebor and I am what you might call, a sadist", he chuckled. "And do you remember what you said to me that nigh? I shall never know happiness again?”, he let out a throaty chuckle, “I don’t believe you are in any position to do anything of the sort anymore. I, on the other hand, can make your pathetic, miserable life a tenfold worse”.

You smirked disdainfully, “What more can you take from me that I haven’t already lost?”.

“Plenty. You probably know of the power I have in Belegost. And after my marriage to the Lady of Nogrod, I have considerable power there too...to make a long story short; without our trade, your people are good as dead. I will bring your town to the ground”.

You were reeling at his words. You were trapped. “Why...”, you whispered.

“Because I can. And no one threatens me”, he smirked, “And don’t get any ideas about running away. I will still crush this place and find you nonetheless”.

He ran his fingers over your trembling chin and across your burning lips.

“Lord Fallas”, Thorin said as he dropped his heavy belt pouch between the two of you. It gave off a deafening clang as you jumped up to your feet.

“What brings you here?”, Thorin asked folding his hands before him.

Fallas widened his grin as he took in Thorin’s form. It gave him great pleasure to see Thorin reduced to this, he was covered in soot like he always was after work, his royal clothes gone and his hair a dirty mess.

“Business. It is a delight to see you again”, he said rising to his feet.

Even thought Thorin held no titles or had no land to rule over, he still looked a hundred times more kingly than Fallas did, with or without silken robes.

“I think it best that you’d be on your way”, Thorin said lowering his voice.

Fallas looked between the two of you before it clicked. 

“Of course. It’s getting quite late”, Fallas reached for your stiff hand and placed a kiss on it, “Till we meet again, my pet”.

You cringed as he smiled at you, he gave Thorin a slight nod and walked out of the tavern.

“Are you alright?”, Thorin asked gently. He immediately noticed that you were unsettled. You nodded your head vigorously before picking up scattered tankards. 

“What did he want?”, he pressed.

“Nothing”, you said wearily, all you waned to do was avoid the subject for now and get all this work sorted.

“What are you doing here?”, you asked. You hadn’t seen him for a week since your last encounter, “This isn’t your usual tavern”.

He shrugged, “thought I’d walk you home”.

Your face softened into a small smile, “I still have plenty time before we close. You go on ahead”.

“I’ve got time. I can wait”, he said walking to a shadowed corner and sitting down at a table. 

He smoked his pipe while watching you move about, serving people their drinks and food. You didn’t let Fallas bother your mind for the rest of the night because you felt _safe_ with Thorin in the room.

* * *

You had left the tavern half an hour ago and now you were a few minutes away from home. It was well past midnight, the moon was a sliver in the sky and there weren’t many stars out.

You sighed in fatigue. Thorin looked down at you from inspecting the sky.

“We’re almost there. Would you like me to carry you?”.

You laughed and then stopped when you realized that he was being serious, “I’ll be alright”.

He began whistling the tune to one of your favourite songs as you continued down the beaten path.

* * *

You flopped down on the couch and kicked your boots off. Thorin stood studying one of the walls you hung small pictures and carvings on. Most of them bore the style of the art back home in Erebor.

“Where did you get these?”

“There are painters at the market who sell those for a copper or less. They make less than anyone at the market. Whenever I see one who sells them, I buy one”, you shrugged.

“They are quite beautiful...but why?”, he turned to look at you.

“People have lost the time to indulge in the arts or anything of the like. Or have they _chosen_ not to anymore? I believe that when we lose our interest in art, we lose our humanity. That is when we truly fail as a civilization”.

He cocked his head to the side by a fraction before slowly giving you a nod. You stared at each other for a few seconds before he spoke,

“Well..I..should be getting back”, he said taking a step towards the door.

You shifted in your seat without saying anything. You didn’t want him to leave, you didn’t want to be alone. The thought of him leaving brought back flashes of Fallas and the conversation you had, and for the first time you were afraid to be alone in your house.

Thorin noticed the change in you. He walked up to you and got down on one knee so that you were eye to eye.

“What’s wrong, Y/n?”,he asked softly hooking a finger under your chin.

You sighed, “Are you sure you have to go? It’s quite late and you shouldn’t be out alone”, you tried making excuses for him to stay without sounding odd.

His amusement was plain on his lips.

“Of course I shouldn’t. You’re right. You think I could stay here for the night?”.

You smiled sheepishly before nodding.

“But, please...tell me what’s bothering you”, he searched your face.

“I’ll..tell you later”, you said averting his gaze.

He didn’t say anything more. You stood up and let him settle on the couch. After making sure he was comfortable, you put the fire out and started on the steps to your room.

“Y/n?”, Thorin called out.

“Yes?”

“You should have let me kill him that night”.

You let out a small sigh, “I know”.


	11. A Day Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I started the drabble games on [tumblr.](http://trinuil.tumblr.com/post/145202364378/holy-batshit-robin-its-the-drabble-games) Please join/submit a request so I can write you drabbles.
> 
> Please enjoy, and leave kudos! You guys give me life :)

It was midday and the sun had risen high in the sky. 

Light streamed in through your small window and hit your eye. You groaned in protest and pulled the sheets over your head and attempted to settle back into sleep. Before you could resume your dream, the events of last night came flooding back to you. You pushed the sheets off and jumped to your feet and ran downstairs. Thorin had probably left for the forges by now and you needed to head to the market.

On your way down the steps, you smelled fresh brewed tea and slowed your decent. Should you be worried? Has someone broken into your house? Was it Fallas? And why was he making tea? No way in heaven or hell would Thorin make tea. You peeked inside the kitchen.

“So you’re awake”.

You jumped and relaxed at the same time. It was Thorin. He was sitting at the table with his back to you. 

“I overslept. Shouldn’t you be at work?”, you asked sliding into the seat next to him. He nodded and looked up from whittling the little stick in his hand.

“I didn’t want to just leave you”, he shrugged.

Even though you didn’t tell him anything about Fallas, he knew you were on edge and he sensed your discomfort last night.

“But now that you’re up, I really must be on my way”, he said sheathing his dagger in his boot.

“Oh. Alright”, just thinking about walking to the market made your already sore muscles ache even more. It had been a long week. You needed all the money you could get to start re-shingling the roof and make a few other fortifications around the house. There was talk of a storm coming in the following days and you figured paying for prevention rather than the cure..which was buying a whole new house, was cheaper and probably wouldn’t kill you.

“Y/N?”

Your head snapped up to meet his soft gaze.

“Take the day off. I think you need it. I’ll send Dwalin to tend to the roof today. He needs the work”, he said placing his calloused hand on yours.

You flushed, “No I’ve got this. Besides I can’t pay for someone to do it for me. I’m only a couple coppers short on finishing the refurbishments”.

“Please, because I ask of you. Stay. I’ll pay Dwalin, he won’t ask much. And you said it yourself: you only need a few more coppers. Taking today off won’t hurt”, he said giving your hand a squeeze. 

You shook your head, “I can’t allow you to pay for my house. It isn’t necessary, I can do it myself. And how did you know about the roof anyway?”.

“I saw the shingles out back. But have you ever shingled a roof before?”, he questioned raising an eyebrow.

You shrugged, “I can learn”.

“Fine. Dwalin will teach you. It’s better to have him around in case you break a leg”, he said making his way to the front door.

You rolled your eyes and sighed as you stood to follow him, “Fine. Just..let me pay you back”.

“Sure, sure”, he said nonchalantly which assured you that he was in no way about to make you do that.

He stepped onto your front porch and turned to smile at your sleepy face, “Stay in today, read your books...go back to sleep...rest. I know Dis has been wanting to come visit. She has news, maybe she’ll drop by today”.

You flashed a bright smile, you’d like that.

“Thorin...thank you...for staying”, you said fidgeting with your loose fitting shirt.

“I-”, before you could blabber on, he kissed your forehead and took a few steps back. You smiled at him and he bowed his head.

“Good day, my lady”, and he was gone.

* * *

You were thankful that you didn’t have to be alone in the house for long. Dwalin came knocking in a few hours after Thorin left. Even in broad daylight you felt uneasy and was jumpy throughout the day. 

When Dwalin had shed his fur mantel and grabbed his tools, you followed him out. He examined the roof before looking around for a foothold to hoist himself up, then he saw you standing next to him, hands clasped behind your back and looking at him expectantly. 

“What are yer doin’ lass?”, he asked lowering his eyebrows.

“Hm? Oh! I’m..learning?”, you squeaked. You felt so small next to this giant dwarf and since you’ve only met him a handful of times, you didn’t want to upset him.

His face softened a fraction, “This is no work for a dwarrowdam”.

“I have to learn. I don’’t have anyone to do this for me”, you said feeling alone all of a sudden. You never had the need to do such things back in Erebor, you had a father who took care of these things. Thoughts of your family made your eyes wet and lips tremble.

Dwalin wouldn’t have noticed your reactions hadn’t your voiced cracked. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Lass, as long as Thorin and I are around, you will never have to touch a shingle”.

You laughed as you tried to regain your composure, “Are you certain? Will you be alright?”.

He burst out laughing, “Aye, I will be fine. I’ll ask for your help if things get out of hand. Now be off with ya”, he said giving you a slight nudge towards the backdoor 

“Go tend to yer flowers and what not...bake a pie”, he mumbled as you thought about taking offense to his last words.

He shut the door behind you and got to work.

* * *

You did enjoy yourself. After doing a few chores around the house, you settled into a warm bath and relaxed for a while. Dwalin did a fantastic job on the roof and you sent him away with your undying gratitude and a pie like he had suggested.

Since you were expecting Dis to come over, you had cooked dinner for the both of you and with the hope that Thorin would join you as well, you made one of his favourite dish. Now that you had done everything you needed to, you were now sprawled on the couch in front of the fire with your nose in a book.

You jumped when thunder cracked in the distance. You put the book down and hurried to the window next to the front door.

The sky was dark and the fading light was soften even more by the grey clouds that blocked the setting sun. The wind had picked up and was blowing leaves and twigs around your front yard with a vengeance. Big raindrops had already begun to wet the earth and you wondered why the rain had started so early.

A faint warning bell went off in the back of your mind when you saw the rain and a few seconds later you gasped and ran out the back door to save your drying laundry.

Your hair whipped around you and you fought to grab as many flapping pieces of laundry as you could. A grating sound on the roof had you wondering why Dwalin was still on the roof. The rain was coming down quite hard now.

But wait. Dwalin had left hours ago.

Clutching the sheets to your chest you whipped around to see a snarling orc slide down the slanting roof and landed a few feet away from you. It had a short sword in either hand and it growled behind a sneer.

“Well, well. My luck has turned. Looks like I won’t be going hungry tonight”, it drooled a little as it made its way towards you.

You were rooted to the earth, you didn’t have your dagger on you and you couldn’t use clean linen to defeat an orc. It swung its swords at you and you flung your laundry at him and jumped to the side, hoping for the best. It swatted the flying sheets away and lunged at you.

Managing to roll away, you began to frantically crawl on your knees. You heard desperate sobs erupting from your lips. You knew screaming will not bring you any help. No one was around for miles.

“Ooof!”, it straddled your hips and the weight pushed your tiny form into the wet fragrant soil. You couldn’t tell if the loud gushing sound was the rain or the blood rushing in your veins. But you refused to give up, you elbowed the orc in the face, which probably hurt you more than it hurt it. But the blow dazed the orc enough to buy you time to grope the ground for a viable weapon. Your hand fell on a fairly sized rock and without hesitation you twisted and struck its head. You squirmed from under the anguished orc and tried to get up and run.

You felt the weight being pulled off you and as soon as your legs were free you managed to stumble a few feet before you heard gurgling and then nothing but the rain and your racing heart.

Looking behind you, Thorin stood pulling his dagger out of the dead orc. You leaned against a tree trunk in relief while you tried to catch your breath. He wiped the dagger on the dead carcass and sheathed it before stepping over it and towards you. He still stood a good long way from you.

You were so glad to see him. He was always there when you needed him. 

You both stood motionless, staring at each other. Both drenched as the storm raged on. 

He looked you up and down, eyes following every curve of your body, the rain had made your clothes almost see through, this made it easier for Thorin. His intense gaze on you stirred your longing and desire for him...feelings that you had learned to hold at bay. 

What were you doing? 

He took quick strides towards you and you ran towards him.


	12. Impatient

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Killing two birds with one fic xD Cause I'm a lazy turd..but we all know that!
> 
> Requested by anon for the [Drabble Games](http://trinuil.tumblr.com/post/145209643341/holy-batshit-robin-its-the-drabble-games) on [tumblr](http://trinuil.tumblr.com/).
> 
>  **Drabble Games prompt** : Looks like we'll be trapped here for a while...  
>  **Word Count** : 1,475  
>  **Warnings** : fluff, smut, angst

You flung yourself at Thorin. Wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, your lips crushed together in desperation while his hands held you up.

Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled over your heads, but neither one of you paid it any heed. Your hands tangled in his sopping wet locks, years of yearning and lust seemed to come out all at once. Thorin’s fingers drug into your hips and bum, enjoying every curve of your body. He licked and sucked your parted lips, his wet beard grazed your skin which heightened your senses and his smell! Oh, his smell of wood, fire and metal mingled with the scent of rain was exhilarating and erotic. 

You realized that you were shaking but you couldn’t tell if if was a result of the raging storm you were standing in the middle of or the fact that Thorin’s hands and lips being on your body. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead on yours.

You were lost in his brilliant blue eyes, you’ve never seen him so happy before. You were watching rain trickle down his long eyelashes when he spoke:

“You’re shaking. I’ll take you inside”.

Words tumbled out of your mouth in an impatient fashion, “Take me”.

His eyes were already heavy with lust, “I will”, he said reassuring, “but not here”, his gaze fell onto the dead orc a few feet away from you two.

You sighed and kissed his neck repeatedly as he carried you into your house. He laid you down on the fur in front of the fireplace. Before you could say anything, he was making his way up the stairs.

“Thorin?”, you were very impatient. The storm only got worse, the wind howled around your house, branches snapped off and were flung at the windows and walls while rain came down in torrents on the roof.

You hugged your knees to your chest and basked in the warmth of the fire, wondering what Thorin was up to.

He came down the stairs with a towel in his hand. He knelt in front of you and kissed you once before turning you around. He grabbed hold of the hem on your drenched shirt and pulled it off you. He undid your braids and dried your hair then draped it over your shoulder and gently wiped your back.

He turned you around and pushed you on to the fur rug. His eyes swept down to your heaving breasts. He wiped your damp sin, feeling your breasts through the towel in his hand. You arched your back, inviting his wandering hands to feel more of you. His eyes flickered to yours to seeking permission as he slipped his fingers in your pants. When you raised your hips in compliance, he slid your pants off in one easy motion.

Slowly he ran the towel between your legs and down them, watching your face, enjoying your reactions. He tossed the towel to the side and pulled his tunic over his head.

You whimpered as you took in his bare chest, his perfectly chiseled body, big rippling muscles and thick black hair on his arms and chest that disappeared into his pants. You sat up and reached for him, he caught your hands and pushed you back against the fur. He climbed on top of you and kissed you with mad passion. His work hardened hands found your breasts, his touch was hot and rough, eliciting pleasured moans from your lips.

You ran your hands over his chest and down to the drawstrings of his pants. You hurriedly pulled at them.

“Impatient..”, he commented chuckling.

You pushed his pants off his hips, “No foreplay. I _need_ you”.

Thorin understood your hunger, he slipped out of his damp pants as a flash of lightning lit up the room which was followed by a deafening clap of thunder.

He pressed up against your wet opening as you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, begging him to take you. He didn’t budge, he looked at you, eyes darker than the sky outside your window.

“ _Thorin_..please”, you begged.

“You’re so beautiful, writhing under my touch..so..undone”, his voice low and dripping with desire. You whimpered feeling his hot length on your needy slit.

Without warning, he slid into you, trembling and _fast_. You cried out in bliss, he shook and groaned against your neck. He laid still, wrecked and trying to gather his shattered sanity to continue. 

“Oh Thorin...take me. Fuck me hard”, you gasped your fingers scraping his scalp.

You hears a low growl from deep within his chest before he started thrusting into you, giving you everything he had. His long thrusts aimed to feel every bit of your insides.

His grunts and your moans echoed in the room. You clawed at the fur rug while his erratic thrust quickened.

“You’re so beautiful..y-you’re mine. Finally mine”, he panted. 

“Yes!”, you burst out as he hit that sweet spot.

“I love you Y/N”, he panted, cursing in Khuzdul he spilled inside you.

He rested his forehead on your chest, trying to catch his breath. Your fingers ran over his damp beard as you closed your eyes gasping for air. He sat up and moved down kissing your legs.

“Thorin?”

“I’m not done. _You_ are not done”, he said grasping your legs and spreading them apart and pulling you down. You gasped in surprise.

He lowered his head between your legs and started lapping away around your slit but not where you wanted him the most. He stuck two fingers in and slowly pumped into you. Finally, he licked at your little pink bud.

Your head felt light like you were floating. Thorin looked up at you, meeting your eyes he slowly pulled his fingers out and sucked on them, before ramming them back in and putting his tongue back to work.

“Oh! Yeeess! Thorin!” you cried fervently as you came.

He placed one last kiss on he top of your opening before falling next to you. You both laid there listening to the storm outside, trying to heady your heartbeats. You rolled over to face him, he wrapped an arm around you as you traced the intricate tattoo on his right pectoral.

He kissed the top of your head and flattened your hand on his chest, “When did you get this?”, you asked intrigued.

“A while ago. The day I got my azyungal bead”.

You were thinking a million thoughts at once.

“Did you like it?”, you blushed.

“Getting the tattoo?”, he smirked.

“No..me..the sex..”

He tilted your head up and kissed your lips, then your nose and then your forehead.

“It was everything I imagined it would be like. And more”.

You blushed in relief, “I don’t want to be apart anymore, Thorin”.

“You have nothing to fear, you will never get rid of me”, he smiled kissing you again.

You smiled throwing a glance at the dark window, “ **Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…** ”.

“Good. That gives me time to take you again”, he chuckled kissing your jaw, “and again”, he kissed your nose, “and again”.

You giggled but then remembered something he had told you earlier today, “I thought Dis was coming today?”. 

His face changed..from happy to exhausted.

“What’s happened”, you asked concerned.

“She got engaged a few days ago”.

Your eyes lit up, “Isn’t that a good thing? Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“She wanted to tell you herself today”,he sounded like he was uneasy talking about this.

“Well why didn’t she?”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hand, “She is getting married to a respectable merchant from Nogrod. She’s happy Y/n..I _am_ happy for her. But..it all happened so fast”.

It was pretty fast, you hadn’t even known about this.

“She didn’t tell me the reason for all this rush till this morning. She was sick this morning. The healers said she almost the baby and that’s when she told me about it”. 

You gasped, but you weren’t in any place to judge. You had premarital sex not fifteen minutes ago. 

“Is she alright? Is the baby alright?”, you questioned.

“Yes, they’re all fine. I’m just concerned. I came up here today to fetch you. She’s been asking for you”

“Is she alone in the house?”, you panicked.

“No. Avila is with her”.

“We should go to her..”, you said making an attempt to sit up, but he just pulled you back down.

“Don’t be daft. You could get killed. Dis is fine, stay here with me and I’ll take you to see her in the morning”.

You nestled into his arms again and tried to forget the world and get lose in your lover’s eyes instead.

“Now, back to the matter at hand”, he smirked gabbing a handful of your bum.


	13. Red Beryl

The days that followed were blissful and calm. You stayed at Thorin and Dis’ where you looked after Dis when Thorin wasn’t around. To be able to do so, you took on a full time job at the tavern and when Thorin was done with his work he’d come to the tavern, wait for you to finish your shift and walk you back.

Every second you could spare was spent in his company. You couldn’t fathom how you had lived your life without waking up to his face, without his awkward jokes, his kisses and affections he showers you with when you least expect it. And Mahal the sex! He took you everywhere he thought was possible, every room in his house, the garden, the forge and even once in Avila’s house. You had been against it for obvious reasons, but he promised you wouldn’t get caught and how could you ever refuse him?

Dis had been wed to the young lad from Nogrod in a very small ceremony in Nogrod. She only wished her family and his to be present and Turil had been more than happy to comply to his beloved’s wishes. You had attacked the poor lad with more questions than Thorin had. You intended to find what made him tick, you wouldn’t have let Dis marry him if you thought something was the matter with him or if he wasn’t worthy. But alas..you couldn’t find anything wrong; he was a normal dwarf, with normal dreams and a perfectly normal past. You felt that his intentions were good and he did in fact adore Dis.

“You are beginning to like Turil”, Dis preened as Turil finished his conversation with you and stepped outside to find Thorin who had offered him some pipe weed. 

You rolled your eyes, “There’s nothing to _not_ like about him. Except his blond hair”.

“Well, I love his hair..and his green eyes..his smile! And the way his muscles ripple when he-”

“Alright, I get it!”, you cut her off leaving her giggling like a child.

You finished the last stitches on Thorin’s tunic you were mending and laid it down on the table before you. Since it was a Sunday and everyone had the day off from work, even you for some odd reason, Dis planned on taking a walk to the market, but she had felt ill all of a sudden. Turil had come down for the weekend to spend time with her which was fortunate because he was a healer as well as a merchant. 

He couldn’t ask her to move in with him because he didn’t have a permanent residence yet and he couldn’t move in with her because he couldn’t afford to settle down in one place till he had established himself. Yes, he was very respectable and notable but he had a little bit more work to do before he could relax and let his business go its course. A few more years he had promised her.

She sighed and ran a hand over her baby bump.

“Dis? What is it? Are you alright?”, you asked, walking over to the couch she was laying on.

“Yes, I’m fine”, she smiled, “I’m just tired. I’m always tired. I can’t remember what it feels like to not be tired”.

“I know”, you said placing a hand on hers, “get some sleep, we can go pick some flowers for that vase later when you wake up”.

“I’d like that”, she smiled.

You stepped outside where Thorin was seated on the porch, deep in thought smoking his pipe. 

You hugged him from the back, burring your nose in his hair, “Where’s Turil?”.

“Went to get some more herbs for Dis”, he said turning his head to catch your lips in a soft kiss.

“Come here”, he smiled pulling you on to his lap.

You curled up on his lap and watched him blow smoke into the evening air. You could stay like this forever.

“I should probably go home one of these days”, you sighed winding a lock of his hair around your finger.

He grunted his disagreement.

“People are going to talk”.

“Y/n, you’re sitting on my lap outside a house in the middle of the town. I believe everyone in this place knows now if they didn’t all the countless times I’ve kissed you and held your hand in public”, he said kissing you as another passerby looked at you with a look of confusion.

“If Mahal lived among us, people are going to find ways to nitpick over how he carried on”, he chuckled.

“Let them talk, my love. You are mine and I am _never_ letting you go”, he chuckled while rubbing your back.

You didn’t know why you worried. No one can forbid you from being with him anymore.

Before you could respond, one of the barmaids from the tavern you worked in hurried up to the porch, out of breath and sweaty.

“Y/n! I just ran to your house and”, she paused to gasp for air before continuing, “you weren’t there”, followed by more gasps.

You raised an eyebrow and got up to your feet, “Here, sit”, you beckoned to the steps.

“No time, you are needed at the tavern. Heloise was supposed to be working today and she’s home sick. We’re up to our necks with customers. _Do_ hurry”.

You sighed before throwing Thorin a look, “Guess, you’re taking Dis flower picking”.

He gave you a slight nod and kissed you goodbye.

* * *

It had been like any other busy night, a few fights had broken out but it was contained by the male employees. You had refrained from bashing people’s heads in when their wandering hands found their way to your body.

Thorin hadn’t stopped by to walk you home tonight, probably busy with Dis. You didn’t mind. A walk alone with your thoughts was long overdue. You turned down a row of houses when you heard footsteps behind you.

You thought nothing of it. Throwing a glance over your shoulder, you saw a green and brown hooded figure and the dimly lit night didn’t help get better look either. This still didn’t faze you, this town was always flooding with strange folk going various places. You turned down another street and was a bit worried when the man did too.

You had chosen a sparsely populated street because this was the fastest way home, but you cursed yourself for doing so now. You tried to stay calm, you had nothing to worry about; you were almost there and should the worst come to worst, you were armed. But could you take on this person? He was quite large and you weren’t properly trained with a dagger. Had Fallas sent this man to capture you? Was _this_ Fallas? Was he going to kill you?

Your mind raced, so did your heart as you quickened your pace and turned down the last street to Thorin’s house. Your pursuer picked up speed too.

You looked back and ran down the road, if you screamed now the whole neighborhood would be at your side. You were about to do just that when you tripped and fell face first a few feet away from Thorin’s porch. Gasping you clamored to your feet and sprinted up the steps and banged on the door.

“Thorin! DIS!”, you were almost in tears.

The door flew open and you fell into Thorin’s arms. 

“What in Durin’s name is the matter, Y/n?”, he asked worried.

“He’s chasing me!”, you sobbed feeling your legs turn to jelly.

“Who?”, his voice deepened.

You sobbed hysterically. You hadn’t realized how much Fallas’ threats have disturbed you till now. You truly feared for your life.

Dis and Turil appeared behind him. Turil took you from Thorin’s arms and Thorin was out the door in a flash. He sat you down on a chair and Dis did her best to calm you down.

She hugged you, held your hand and told you that you were safe. You hadn’t realized that Turil had been dabbing at your bleeding forehead till you vaguely felt the sting of one of his salves. 

An hour went by. You had stopped shaking and now you were worried for Thorin’s life. Why wasn’t he back yet?

“You worry for nothing. Thorin has taken on legions of orcs and goblins before. One dwarf is nothing. He’s probably taking his time tormenting the poor idiot”, Dis smirked.

The front door creaked open and you hurried out of the sitting room.

“There was no one I could find”, he said embracing you.

You nestled under his chin and closed your eyes. One of his hands rubbed the nape of your neck.

“Are you alright?”, he asked pulling you back to inspect your face. His eyes fell on the gash on your forehead and a flash on anger lit his eyes.

“I fell”, you mumbled, “It doesn’t hurt”.

He kissed the bruised skin just above the cut, “No one is going to hurt you now, my love”.

“Are you going to tell me what it was that Fallas told you that night?”, he asked gently.

You nodded as he led you to his room.

* * *

He listened intently, with his anger growing till he burst out in anguish, “the wretched mongrel! I’m going to wring his neck!”.

His thunderous voice sent shivers up your spine, you curled into a ball on his bed.

“None of this would be happening if I were King!”, he growled, “That little rat would _bow_ before me before I slit his throat!”.

“You are King”, you whispered.

He relaxed a little and slunk down beside you and pulled you to his chest, “you know what I mean”.

* * *

The next few days Throin watched you like a hawk. Whenever he couldn’t watch you, he had Gloin, Bofur or Dwalin drop by and check up on you. He wouldn’t hear of you stepping outside the house without anyone after midday.

You sighed drawing the curtains back again. Bofur had waved to you from the “gardening” he was doing on Thorin’s back yard.

Avila laughed at your reaction, “It’s only for a few days, Y/n”.

“It’s ridiculous, that’s what it is”.

You had told Thorin that this was a tad bit too extreme. You didn’t need to be watched every single waking moment. You felt safe enough in here.

You watched baby Gimli gurgle and bounce around on his mother’s lap. Since she was just about to leave with Dis and you were going to be home alone for awhile _and_ it wasn’t past midday, you thought of running an errand.

“I’m going to step out for a bit”, you said picking up your fur coat.

“Alright, be back soon. I’ll have Dis back before four”.

You closed the front door behind you ever so quietly lest Bofur hears. Taking long strides down the path you smiled to yourself: a moment of freedom at last.

“Where yer headed off to, milady?”

“Gha!”, you spun around to face Bofur who was wearing a cheeky grin.

You groaned.

“To my house. I can’t let it fall into disrepair, I’ll check in on a few things, pick up some clothes and be right back. Okay, see you in a bit”, you turned on your heel and made for the street.

“Hold up there missy. I can’t let yer go that far”

You groaned again, “But Bofuuurr!! It’s still light out”.

“Hmm. Not for long. Looks like rain, don’t yer think?”.

“Durin’s tits! That’s what I think! Thorin told you to keep me here, didn’t he?”.

“Such language from a lady?”, he chuckled.

“Why..why does everyone keep saying that? I don’t curse any more than Dis does!”, you whined frustrated.

“I’m only teasing. If yer really want to go that badly, I suppose I can come with”, he said shifting the wonky hat on his head.

You accepted knowing that this was the only way you’ll get to go home.

* * *

Living in the middle of the town with Thorin put you in the immediate vicinity of every public building you would ever need access to. You hadn’t realized you lived so far away from everything till now, when you arrived at your door step a little more than winded. How had you done this every morning?

Bofur insisted that he’s stay outside while you finished up inside. 

Turning the key, you pushed the door open and stepped into your living room.

“Oh no”.

Everything was upturned, your chairs and tables lay on their sides. Your knickknacks lay broken and scattered on the floor. Your couch was shredded and its feather stuffing covering everything like snow. 

You unsheathed your dagger and walked to the kitchen, stepping over the the clutter. The pantry cupboards were pulled apart, broken plates and dishes littered the wet floor. The back door was swinging open in the wind, the lock was clean broken off. You held the door still to stop the unnerving sound it was making. Bofur walked up to the door from the backyard and peeked in.

“Lass..what is all this?”, Bofur asked rather alarmed.

You laughed bitterly, “My secret admirer”.

“What?”, he stepped past you and excavated the place before moving upstairs.

You yanked the door shut and jabbed a knife in door to keep it shut.

Dropping your head into your hands you sighed. How are you going to fix this? Where will you get the money to? And will you ever feel safe here again?

Bofur moved fast, he walked into the kitchen, “It appears there were at least four and who ever they were, they’re not here now”. He saw your distressed face and his eyes softened.

“Lass, you’ve nothing to worry about. You have Thorin, Dis, me and a whole lot of other folk who care about you. Even Dwalin who took a mighty big liking to you. You are not alone”, he moved closer and placed a hand on your shoulder, willing you to be strong.

“You should sell this place and move closer to town. You ought to have done that sooner. Take what you can now, I’ll see what I can save”.

You nodded and took a few steps before stopping, “Bofur? How _do_ you sell a house?”.

“Like you sell anything actually”, he shrugged, “the problem is how do you sell _this_ house? The only one who’s crazy enough to live this far out is you lass”, he grinned.

You groaned for the umpteenth time that day.

“Don’t worry about it. Thorin will find a way to do it nonetheless”.

Hurrying up the stairs you found that a few of your dresses were ripped to shreds and your mirror broken. You gathered the remaining three dresses, a pair of pants and stuffed them into a satchel along with your hair comb. 

You though the fat that your bed remained untouched while everything else was destroyed was a bit odd. Looking closer you saw a piece of parchment on your pillow with a red beryl gem courting bead on top of it.

_I knocked, you weren’t here. I hate having to watch you from afar. This game of ours will end soon. Here’s a gift from me, don’t say I never gave you anything. The next time we meet, I want to see you wearing it._

_-F_

You shuddered at the thought of meeting him again it’s been a few months since you last saw him and it still made you uncomfortable. You didn’t even touch the bead, picking up your satchel you ran down the stairs and dragged Bofur out of that house.

* * *

Bofur had stayed with you till Thorin got home and he told him of your house and made plans to see it. Both Thorin and Dis were properly horrified and relived beyond hope that you hadn’t been there when it happened. 

“Oh! I’m so glad you’re going to be living with us!”,Dis grinned, “You’re the best kind of company”. You sat around the fireplace with Dis after supper while Thorin smoked his pipe outside.

Dis cringed and gasped in the middle of a thought.

“Are you alright?”, you seemed to be asking that a lot around here. 

“Fine. Just..cramps”. Dis was not the strongest when it came to childbearing. Her pregnancy was complicated and she had needed a healer more times than was normal during this early on. But she was coping well and stayed strong for her baby.

Once she settled back down into her chair you smiled at her, “Do you think it’s a boy?”.

“I think it’s a girl”, she smiled, “a calm, quiet little girl who won’t keep her mummy up at night with her bawling”.

“Did you and Turil agree on names?”

She sighed, “No. I like Aliel and he wants to name her Moreth. He thinks Aliel sounds too elvish”, she rolled her eyes, “What do you think?”

You shrugged, “It could be a boy”.

“Impossible. A mother’s intuition is always right”.

“You’re not a mother just _yet_ ”, you laughed.

Before she could retort Thorin burst in to the room looking pale and angry at the same time. Before he spoke, his eyes flickered to Dis and seemed to think better of upsetting her in her current condition.

“Y/n. Can I see you outside?”.

You followed him while your mind worked overtime to figure out what you’ve done to cause him to react like this.

He shut the door behind him and flung something at you.

You gasped and barely caught it. It was a crumpled piece of paper, you knew what it was before you opened it.

You were right, it was the parchment you found in your room. The courting bead rolled off the paper and you didn’t bother catching it.

“ _This_. Was here on the doorstep. What is this?”, his voice shook.

“Fallas trying to scare me. What else?”, you said crumpling it up and tossing it to corner of the front yard.

You searched his face trying to understand him.

“A courting bead?”, he spat enraged.

Then it clicked.

“You can’t possibly think that there’s something going on between us?”, you cried in disbelief.

He stared you down, “I don’t know. Is there?”.

“ _Thorin_. You can’t mean it! He raped my sister, threatened me, destroyed my house and is stalking me! Why in the world would I agree to court a psychopath like him? And if that’s not enough, he’s married!”.

“I don’t want to wake up one day and find that after giving you my heart and soul, you’ve been taken by another”.

“You won’t. Because I’m with you and I want to see this through to the end. Because you’re my One”.

He instantly regretted everything he just accused you of. 

“Amralime...”, he closed the cold space between you two and tried to hug you but you stepped out of his reach.

“But if you doubt my loyalty, I don’t think I ought to stay here. Because what of my feelings? Shouldn’t I be afraid of getting hurt too? I have more reason. How could you even think that of me?”, your voice trembled.

“Forgive me. I was..afraid. That note took me by surprise and I didn’t know how to react. Of course you wouldn’t betray me. I _know_ you..”, he reached out again, his hand trembling lest you turn him away again.

“You’re my precious gem. More pure than starlight”, he caressed your cheek stepping closer, “And I am a stupid stupid dwarf who pales in comparison to what you deserve”.

He rested his forehead on yours, “You deserve the world. All the treasures of this earth”.

You offered him a half-smile, “There’s no need. I just need you to trust me”.

“I do. With my life”, he kissed you gently.

“I am honored to be your One. You are more than what I deserve”.

He kissed your smiling face over and over, “Am I forgiven, my One?”.

“I’ll think about it”, you grinned before opening the door and walking back into the house.

Thorin followed shortly after kicking the courting bead that lay on the floor to a dark corner of the yard.


	14. Grand Gestures and Such

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one :O

A warmth on your neck stirred you awake. Hands wandered over your hips as you mumbled incomprehensible words.

“It’s five in the afternoon love. You’ll miss work”, Thorin said kissing your neck.

Your eyelids flew wide open, “Mahal, is it really?”, you turned your head and one of kissed landed on your lips. 

“Mhmm. I hadn’t the heart to wake you, till now”.

You groaned closing your eyes, “I’m still tired”. You laid there still and began to drift back into sleep.

Not for long though, you were rudely awakened by a lick on your thigh. Pulling the covers off, you saw Thorin between your legs. Your nightdress was bunched around your waist and he spread your legs further apart and began licking at your little bud. You gasped, grabbing a handful of his thick black hair.

“My love, what are you doing?”, you smiled.

He swirled his tongue around your clit, sucking leisurely. You squeezed your eyes shut, raising your hips and sighed in pleasure. One hand gripped his hair by the roots and the other clawed at the bed sheets, nails threatening to rip right through.

The soft scraping of his beard against your thighs, the gently graze of his thick fingers on your calves added to your euphoria and brought you closer to release. Then all of a sudden he retreated. 

You opened your eyes to see him smirking down at you.

“Why did you stop?”, you whimpered.

“You’re going to be late”, he chuckled.

“Thorin, how could you be so cruel!”, you moved his hand from your thigh to your opening, urging him to finish what he started. He grinned at you and kissed your belly while his fingers plundered your insides. Returning his tongue to your clit, he gave it long, satisfying licks. He curled his fingers, hitting that spot in you. The feeling in your legs left, your breathing was labored you called his name frantically.

He groaned against your slick flesh, “Your taste..I can never get enough of it”.

You bucked your hips, letting him have everything you had before screaming to the Valar as he gave you your release. 

Thorin kissed your belly one more time before sitting up and wiping his wet beard.

“You soaked the bed, love”, he chuckled flopping down next to you. Still reeling from the orgasm you hooked a leg around him and kissed his shoulder. 

“I wish I had the time to repay you”, kissing him a few times you stood up.

“You can when you get back”, he playfully smacked your bum while adjusting his pants as you walked towards the bathroom.

After a brisk wash, you sat in front of the mirror while Thorin looked on in awe as you let down your hair which your had pulled into a knot to keep dry.

You began to undo your braids when you noticed a foreign braid just behind your temple. It was done in a very familiar style and held in place by a metal bead with a few tiny gems in a simple design along with the sigil of the house Durin. You caught Thorin’s eyes in the mirror. He must have put it there while you were asleep.

“Thorin..”

“Do you like it?”, his cheeks had a touch of crimson to them.

You walked to him and straddled his lap while embracing him, “Did you make it?”

He dipped his chin in a nod, “They’re not the best gems. I will make you a better one..one deserving of you when I..have more money”.

You shook your head, “I love it. It’s perfect. Oh! I wish I could give you one”, you thought about the hours of work he put into this, it meant more than any trinket anyone had given you in your life.

“I don’t need one. I know I’m yours”.

* * *

You waited tables, juggled trays of drink and cleaned up vomit, blood and spit; the usual. 

“Y/n? Are you quite well?”, one of your fellow barmaids stopped you and inquired.

“Um. Yes..I think. It’s just a bit warm in here”.

“It’s not that bad. Why you’re sweating like sinner before the gates of heaven! Goodness, maybe take a break?”, she took the two trays from your hands. 

“No-I”, she was gone, “need the pay”, you said to no one.

You wiped your drenched brow and headed outside. The cool night air somehow made no difference. You cursed your luck when your head spun, you probably had the blasted flu.

* * *

You ended up leaving before your shift ended. Thorin wasn’t here yet to walk you home but you left anyway. Your senses were on alert, you took the safer roads and arrived home safely.

Thorin asked a couple of worried questions when you stepped through the door to which you answered promptly for you knew vagueness irritated him to no extent.

“Lie down. Rest”, he said walking out of the sitting room.

And you did just that. Shaking your boots off, you slunk into the couch to rest your light head.

“I have some of your things”, Thorin said reentering the room. Walking over to you, he handed you a stack of parchment.

You sifted through them while a big smile grew on your lips; they were the paintings that had hung in your sitting room. Thought of saving anything had left you when you had seen your defiled house, you had only wanted to leave.

“When we lose our interest in art, we lose out humanity”, he quoted you back to you with smile.

“Indeed”, you laughed, “Thank you. But what were you doing in my house?”

“Couldn’t sell it in the state it was in before. Dwalin, Bofur and I cleaned it out and replaced the locks”.

Oh.

“Thorin, I wouldn’t be able to repay you f-”

“You’ve nothing to repay”, he took the paintings from your hands and kissed your forehead, “sleep”.

Before you could insist Dis burst into the room with Avila behind her, “We have a surprise for Y/n!”, when her eyes fell on you she slapped a hand over her mouth.

“Y/n! What are you doing back so early?”, she asked.

“I wasn’t feeling well”, you propping yourself up on your elbows, “What’s the surprise?”, you asked raising an eyebrow.

Avila stepped forward and unfolded a dress. It was pale powder blue dress with elegant lace that lined the sleeves, a basque waistline and the boat neckline. Pearls dotted the sleeves that finished in a ruffle around the wrists. She also held out a gold silk sash to tie around your waist.

You were speechless.

“Why?”, you managed to gasp.

“You haven’t forgotten, have you? It’s Durin’s Day this weekend and you aren’t missing the celebrations this year!”, Dis grinned.

“It was Thorin’s idea to get you a new dress. He paid for the fabric and pearls. Dis and I did the sewing”,Avila said handing you the dress.

You looked at Thorin who stood silently in the corner of the room, “You needed another dress”, he shrugged.

“Do you like it?”, Dis asked clasping her hands together.

“Oh! Like it? I love it! Thank you, all of you”, you carefully held the soft fabric in your hands. 

“Thorin, you shouldn’t have”, you felt guilty deep down, he had spent so much on you when he shouldn’t. He wasn’t exactly rolling in Erebor’s riches and every copper he earned was through hard work and sweat and he had more important things to send it on.

“I wanted to”, a slight smile ghosted his lips.

* * *

You shuffled your feet nervously as you stopped outside the door. You smoothed your hair back and folded your sleeves further up.

Okay, let’s just pray he doesn’t laugh at you.

You almost choked as the heat of the forge hit you when you stepped into the doorway. You never got used to it. The loud rhythmic clang of metal on metal echoed off the walls, accompanied by the sizzle of hot metal cooling off in water.

You stepped in to the smithy and like always you couldn’t help but admire the swords, shields and pieces of armor that decorated the tables, walls and floors. Probably waiting to be picked up.

Two forges were burned bright in the dark room, providing the only light save for the sunlight that streamed in from the front door. You saw Dwalin mercilessly hammering a thin piece of metal. A sword perhaps? You edged your way closer, unheard by him or the apprentice who was working at the other forge.

You stood at a safe distance behind him with your hands clasped, watching him batter a shape into the metal. You needed to be fast because you only had a window of roughly three hours before Thorin showed up to work. But you were unsure of how to begin the conversation or even disrupt his work.

Craning your neck, you leaned closer because his hand was blocking the view. He raised his hammer when he saw movement behind him and did a double take before exclaiming:

“Sard a goat! Lass, what are yer doing here?”, he said dropping his hammer on the anvil.

You laughed, “Nearly scared the beard right off you, didn’t I?”.

“Scared? HA. If it suits your pretty fancies, darlin’”, he chuckled wiping his sweaty forehead on the back of his sleeve.

“Thorin ain’t here, if that’s who yer lookin’ fer”.

“I-I know. I’m here to see you”.

He raised his thick eyebrows, “Me? Yer flatter me. Whatever for?”.

You wrung the ends of your tunic trying to ease your nerves, “I was hoping you’d help me learn how to use a forge? Please, please don’t turn me away”.

“Lass, why on earth would you need to work a forge? And why not go to Thorin?”

“That’s the thing. I need to make a courtship bead and I want it to be a surprise. He’s done so much for me, this is the least I can do”.

Dwalin looked like he was going to refuse you, after all he didn’t believe in a woman taking on man’s work. Dwarrowdam usually bought courtship beads or had the males of her family fashion one for her to give her significant other.

“Why don’t yer just buy one?”

You shook your head, “The ones I think he deserves are too expensive for me to afford. I want this to be just as meaningful as the one he gave me. I got a few gems, not much but enough to make it look..acceptable”.

“I suppose you wouldn’t agree to me making it for yer?”, he tried again.

You smiled in agreement.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “If yer lose an arm or bash yer skull in, I had no part in this infernal plot of yers”.

You grinned and surprised him with a hug around his waist.

He was taken aback, “Alright, enough with your feminine balderdash. Let’s get to work”.

And work you did. Not much, however. You spent most of the time picking out a metal that suited your needs. Once you found a piece, Dwalin taught you how to hold it properly using prongs to heat it. But you overheated it a couple times and made it way too brittle. You had just about given up in frustration when Dwalin laughed and slapped your back a little too hard.

“You can’t become a master smith in two hours lass. Next time will be better. Now off with yer before Thorin gets here”.

You thanked him and started walking home, you had plenty time before you were needed at the tavern. Considering it was your first day you were proud of yourself for not losing an arm, like Dwalin had said. You managed to get away with a minor burn on your wrist and a bruised finger when you doped an ingot on your hand.

The rest of the day ran smoothly and in no time you were in bed, with Thorins arms around you.

He was dozing off and you were watching the candle throw dancing shadows on the walls and listening to the crickets chirping outside. You’d though you had heard a noise outside and your senses were put on alert, but there’s no need for alarm; if there was any danger, Thorin would have sensed it, his hearing was unheard of and it helped you sleep better at night.

He stirred and ran his hands over your stomach, then up your arms and down again till he was holding your hands in his. 

“What keeps you awake?”

“Did...did you hear something?”

“No”, he was more awake now as if he were listening more keenly.

“I’m sorry if I woke you then”, you nuzzled into his hair.

“You didn’t”, he said sleepily.

You lay silently, waiting for him to fall asleep. His steady breathing and the small circles that he drew on the backs of your palms with his thumbs, were soothing, but you weren’t sleepy.

“Why do you have bruises and a burn on your hands?”, he asked shattering the silence.

You never thought he’s notice, they weren’t big bruises or anything.

“Work”

“Did someone hurt you?”, he asked raising his head off the pillow.

“No. I hurt myself..clumsy me. Slammed a door on my hand and burned myself on a stove”.

“That’s new”, he said relaxing back into the pillow while soothing the hurt skin with his fingers.

You eased out of his arms without him noticing. You smiled down at his sleeping face. Thick lashed resting on his cheeks, hair splayed in a halo on his pillow, his bare chest covered in thick curls of hair, rose and fell gently. His lips were inviting as they parted slightly when he involuntarily clenched his jaw.

Gently, you moved a curled lock of hair off his forehead which caused him to readjust his hand. His big, taut muscled rippled along with his movements and you realized you forget that he was in fact a huge dwarf and could crush you in an instant, what with his monstrous temper.

But you knew he from experience that he was capable of unfathomable gentility and care for those he loved. 

Something stirred in your core.

You kissed his chest, and when he didn’t stir you kissed your way down the trail of hair, he hummed in his sleep. You stopped at the top of his pants, the laces already undone, you slowly pulled the front flaps of his pants to the sides while watching his face.

You felt like a minx for doing this while he slept; you wanted to see his reaction. You placed a kiss on the tip of his already hardening length, then proceeded to take it all in your mouth. You watched a smile grow on his lips like the sun breaking out through the clouds on a rainy day.

He lazily looked down at you through his lashes, smiling brighter and coming awake.

“This is a sight to be woken up to”, he ran his fingers through your hair, softly pulling at the roots.

You took suckled on him and pulled back as he grew into his full length, you let him drop out of your mouth with a pop.

He rewarded you with a throaty moan. 

“Do you wish to sleep?”, you licked his length playfully.

“Not anymore. Not with the picture of you doing _that_ branded in my memory”.

“What do you wish me to do?”, you smirked deviously.

“Never has Aule crafted a dwarrowdam who’s a bigger tease than you”, he groaned beautifully while gripping the base of his hard length. 

He gave it a few quick pumps, “suck me dry”.

You sat up, “keep touching yourself”, you whispered while you slipped out of your night clothes at a painfully slow pace. You bit your lip watching his hand work on his shaft, his eyes wandered your naked body, groaning as your hands slid down your breasts and between your legs.

“Mahal, you’re going to kill me”, he growled, his hand picking up speed.

You leaned forward and laid a hand on his, making him stop. You move it away and hover over his erection gently blowing on it.

“Woman, I swear you wouldn’t like what’ll happen if you don’t stop”.

You couldn’t help the smug giggle that left your lips. You took him in all the way to the hilt in one sudden move that left him shouting obscenities and gasping for air. You groaned at one particular Khuzdul slur that you found to your liking, he bucked his hips in response.

Swirling your tongue around his sensitive head you, began bobbing your head, taking much of him in as you can. Your tongue caressed the underside of his length and was pleased to taste precum there. He shuddered in pleasure as you brought him closer and closer to his much desired release. 

His fists tightened on your hair, he groaned your name..he was so close..

You let him drop from your mouth and a frustrated growl erupted from Thorin’s lips as his head snapped up from the pillow to see what hindered you from giving him his release.

“Soon, love”, you purred while straddling his hips.

You positioned yourself over his throbbing length and slowly impaled yourself on it, throwing your head back in hedonism you gasped his name while your slick walls convulsed around him.

“Y/n, you feel so good..yes, that’s it ride me. Take what you need from me...you little wench”, he slapped your bum as you rode him like your life depended on it. You kissed him with fire burning in your heart, you ran your tongue along his, bit an sucked on his lips.

His fingers dug into the flesh of your hips, helping you ride him. The fluttering in your veins and tummy was getting intense till it seamlessly transitioned into a tightening sensation, if felt like the moment right before you fall in dreams. 

He began thrusting fervently to meet your hips, slick wet sounds echoes in the room along with curses and the pants of both your names. You exploded around him when his fingers found your bouncing breasts and pinched your nipples a few times.

You screamed his name as your body went limp and your mind fogged with clouds and pulses of pleasure.

He was chasing his own release he desperately flipped you over and turned you on your front and buried himself in your warmth. You gasped as his thrust brought you back to earth. Arching you back you let him take you.

“Come for me my king”, you whispered, still out of breath.

He bit down on your shoulder, beads of sweat dripped down from his brow on to your skin, his arms quivered as he struggled to hold himself up.

A string of curses tumbled from his lips, one shout of your name and he spent himself in you. 

He let out a loud sigh as he rolled off you and stared at the ceiling, panting and dazed. Thorin slid an arm under you and pulled you closer as you yelped in surprise.

“I hope that’s enough to put you to sleep, amralime”, he smirked.

“Oh, it is”, you said kissing his beard, “but maybe one more time?”.

He raised an eyebrow, “you insatiable minx. Maybe after I catch my breath?”

* * *

Durin’s day was just two days away and the whole town was abuzz with preparation and the mere anticipation for the Dwarven new year. Carts of flowers were scattered around the main square, where people put time and effort onto beautifying the place, tents were pitched and kegs of ale, rum and mead were brought in abundance. The women had been preparing food for the event since three moons ago, so you suspected that this was apt to be a grand function indeed. 

The last few new years, you’ve spent at home, too tired to celebrate or the fact that knowing Thorin wasn’t going to be present robbed you of any enthusiasm for it.

But this year was going to be different.

You stuffed the crust of bread in your mouth and followed it with a piece of lemon tart. While Thorin still slept, you could go to the forge and work on the bead, so you hurriedly ate your breakfast.

“Good morning, Y/n. In a hurry are we?”, Dis chirped as she walked into the kitchen.

“Mornin’”, you mumbled through a full mouth.

“Wh- Y/n? Is that lemon tart?”.

“What of it?”, you snapped a little too aggressively. You really just wanted to get out of here.

Dis raised an eyebrow, “You hate anything lemon. Especially tarts”.

You shrugged, “So? I can change my mind”.

She narrowed her eyes, “You’re pregnant, Y/n”.

You nearly choked, “Yeah and elves have two tails”, with a roll of your eyes you wiped your fingers on your pants.

“The might. But you’ve been overly tired, snapping at people, sick and sweaty...oh and when did you last bleed?”.

Your throat went dry. Was it possible? You counted the days.

“It’s..it’s just a little late”, you reasoned.

“Have you been ill in the mornings?”.

You nodded reluctantly.

“There you have it. Oh, don’t look so flabbergasted Y/n! What did you expect? You two roll in the hay more times than one could shamelessly admit.”

You raised your eyebrows in horror.

Dis rolled her eyes, “It’s a small house. These walls aren’t exactly the thickest”.

You shuddered in embarrassment. 

“Are you certain?”, you asked burring your face in your hands.

“I’m fairly certain”, you peeked from between your fingers to see her gesturing to her large swell of a tummy. 

“You should rejoice, Y/n! A baby heir for Thorin and a little niece or nephew for me!”

Tucking a lock of hair behind your ear you smiled, “I-I _am_ happy. This is just not how I imagined how any of this would go”.

“I know. But you can only make the best of it”, she said giving you a sympathetic look.

“Would..our child be..a _bastard_? We can’t be a proper union..”, you whispered running a hand over your tummy.

“I should think not!”, Dis cried sternly, horrified that you would even think such a thing, “Thorin would wed you right now, traditions be damned. And all the rightful titles would go to your child, a descendant of Durin and the prince or princess of Erebor. Don’t speak such nonsense Y/n, my brother, nor I, would abandon you or your child”.

You managed a weak smile, “Thank you”.

She gave you a small nod, “Now, I believe you were in the midst of hurrying off”.

You gathered your thoughts and hopped to your feet and you were off to the forges.

* * *

You were setting the small sapphires and crystals in the bead you had painstakingly made. Swiftly, but surely your delicate hands managed to find drop the gems in the right indents while your mind was a thousand miles away. 

You were going to be a mother. Your nerves were shot.

As much as you would love a baby, especially Thorin’s baby, you hadn’t a clue about raising one. And neither you or Thorin had the time to look after one, or the money to spend on its necessities. It was terrifying to think about; what if you are a bad mother?

“Lass, are yer alright?”, Dwalin asked looking over his shoulder at the the bench you were sitting at.

“Hmm? Oh..yes. I’m quite alright”.

He nodded and went right back to hammering.

You watched him beat the living daylights out of the piece of metal he was crafting into a shield.

It was an unusually warm day and it was hotter than usual in the smithy and when you had stepped in you had been greeted by Dwalin’s shirtless chest.

“You have a lot of tattoos”, you had commented. He was covered in them, his chest, abdomen, arms and even halfway up his neck. You’ve seen the ones on his hands but you would have never guessed _this_.

“You’ve got keen eyes”, he had said sarcastically.

“Lass?”, you looked up from your bead, “would you like to learn how to beat a shield into shape?”.

Your eyes lit up, “yes!”.

Walking over to the anvil, he let you take the prongs and the hammer from him.

“Alright, now let your back do the work when you swing lassie, do not put weight on your wrist”.

He watched you swing and make a poor clang on the metal, The hammer weighed an oliphant and a half.

“That’s alright, try again”.

You swung again and before you could strike, Dwalin stepped behind you and adjusted you arm.

“There. Now force it down using your muscles _here_ ”, he prodded your back.

He held the hammer over your hand and brought it down with a vengeance.

Wait. You were pregnant. Should you be doing this sort of labor? Was it good for the baby?

You relaxed your hand and Dwalin stepped back a little, his hand still on yours, “Are yer sure you’re fine? Yer seem a little distant today lass”.

You sighed and looked him in the eye, “I’m pregnant Dwalin”. It felt good to _tell_ someone.

You could have slaughtered a cat and feasted on its insides and Dwalin would have reacted less. He stared at you with wide eyes and his mouth opened.

“I-I...am sure it’s not mine”, he managed.

“Y/n, what are you doing here?”.

Both, Dwalin and you looked at the doorway where Thorin stood with an unhappy expression on his face.

“What do you think you’re doing?”, he demanded again.

“Mahal be damned if I knew”, Dwalin muttered letting go of your hand.

Then you realized what this might have looked like; Dwalin all flushed and shirtless, standing really close to you while holding your hand.

“Oh, no, Thorin. It’s not what it looks like. Dwalin was teaching me how to make a shield”.

“And why in Durin’s name would you need to know that?”, he asked trying to sound calm.

“Sod off Thorin, I ain’t after yer woman. She needed help making yer a damned courtin’ bead. For Mahal’s sake!”, he growled picking his hammer and getting back to work.

You picked up the finished bead off the workbench and walked up to Thorin.

“We have a lot to talk about”, you sighed.

“It appears we do. Dis said you had news”.


	15. Constellations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Dwarrow Scholar](https://dwarrowscholar.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/about-dwarven-women-and-children/) deducted that the gestation period for dwarrowdam is most likely four years, but I took the liberty of shortening it down to two, cause reasons.

Thorin walked next to you, his lips set tight and eyes focused on the street before him.

You fiddled with a lock of your hair trying to swallow the knot in your throat. Oh dear, how are you going to begin this conversation?

Clearing your parched throat, “Did Dis tell you what it was about?”.

“No”, his voice was flat. He couldn’t be still irked about the whole ordeal with Dwalin, surely? It was a misunderstanding and Dwalin said so himself.

He came to a halt in the middle of a bustling square, where people were carrying on with their duties. You leaned against a nearby statue of a swan and waited for him to begin.

He finally met your eyes after a pause that seemed to last forever.

“Why didn’t you come to me? I could have taught you how to work a forge”, he grumbled.

You tried to suppress your smile.

“Or do you think Dawlin is more capable than I am?”.

“No! Of course not. I wanted to surprise you because you’ve been surprising me with all these gifts...I just wanted to do something nice for you”.

Stepping closer to him, you took his hands in yours. He eventually let his stiffness recede and pulled you into his arms and kissed your nose and then your lips.

“You shouldn’t have”, he ran his hands down your arms and rubbed your bruised fingers. He reached up behind him and undid the loose knot he had his hair up in, letting his black locks tumble around his shoulders.

“Please”, he guided your hand to his glossy hair.

You hesitated, “Right now? Out here?”, you glanced at the people around you.

“Right now. Right here”, he breathed into your hair.

Pulling back you got to work. Your fingers worked quickly and gracefully to pull a lock of his hair into a braid that matched yours. Reaching into your pocket, you pulled out the bead and fastened it at the end of the braid.

You ignored the looks people gave you as if you were performing some sort of obscene sexual act for all to see.

“There”. you smiled at him.

He held the bead between his fingers and marveled at it, “It’s beautiful. I have never seen such exquisite craftsmanship in all my life”.

You smacked his shoulder, “Don’t tease! I know it looks like something a warg chewed up”.

“Not to me. It’s perfect. I wouldn’t have any other bead. Not even if it were crafted by Aule”, he smiled kissing his was up your neck and to your lips.

You blushed furiously, hiding your face in his chest.

Hooking a finger under your chin, he tilted your head back and placed on last tender kiss on your lips before asking:

“Now, what is it that you wanted to speak with me about?”

The tightness in your chest returned so fast that it knocked the air out of your lungs.

“W-well..”, you began weakly. You paused and took in a deep breath.

“Y/n?”, he searched your face with knitted eyebrows, “what is it?”.

“I..*nervous laugh*..what is your opinion on babies?”.

He looked _so_ confused, “Uh. They’re alright I suppo-”, his eyebrows shot up as realization dawned on him.

“You can’t mean?”, he gripped your shoulders firmly. You could only smile at him, still unsure of his reaction.

“You can’t mean to say that you are bearing my child..”, he examined your face to make sure you were in earnest. 

“I am. Are you pleased, my King?”.

“ _Pleased_?”, he choked out a laugh and squeezed his eyes shut. Worry picked at the edges of your mind.

He opened his eyes to reveal clear, sparkling blue eyes that radiated happiness. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“I am beyond pleased. I am the happiest being on this planet”, his deep laugh warms your body.

“Y/n..”, his hands lightly trembles as they slid down your body and rested on your belly, “thank you..this is the most precious gift anyone has ever given me”.

“ _We_ made the little darling”, you giggled wrapping your arms around his neck.

* * *

“I made it in a shade of lavender so its gender neutral”, Avila gushed handing you a crocheted baby gown. Your lap was already overflowing with coifs, swaddles and small baby shirts, courtesy of Avila, Dis and your workmates. 

Even though you were slightly overwhelmed, you were grateful nonetheless.

You had attempted to make dresses and such yourself, but you rarely had the time to make much. And besides, you had plenty time.

“Thank you, Avi”, you said admiring the delicate patterns. 

“You know, maybe it’s time you took time off from work? It’s not like you’re carrying just any baby...you have to be careful”, Avila said redoing a braid in her brown hair.

You groaned, “I _am_ being careful. Thorin makes sure I am careful and I can’t take two years off work! Why..I’ll be nothing but a helpless mooch to Thorin”.

“Poppycock! You and I both know that’s not true. Women shouldn’t be working when they have husbands, that’s what Gloin says”.

“He’s not my husband”, you stated plainly.

“Well he ought to be. No point in dallying about now... _surely_ he knows this”, she said shaking her head.

“I have spoken to him about it”, Dis piped up looking away from her book, “he has plans”, she smiled, “You wouldn’t have to wait long, y/n”.

You knew that deep down. And if he asked of course you wouldn’t refuse; this was what you had always wanted..what you’ve been dreaming about for a long time.

“I won’t pretend like I don’t know what people are saying about us”, you said quietly. 

Unknowing to you, Dis threw Avila a sympathetic look. They say that since the prince you were to be wed to was dead, you moved on to the next prince, who is now conveniently, the King. They say that you had planned this from the start, used some sort of witchery to seduce the princes. That you were a harlot. You only wished you had the power to bring upon such destruction that befell your people. Why, you would be the most powerful being in all of Arda. But alas, you had no such talents. 

These words were reserved for the vile tongued that lived among the good-natured people of your town. Most believed that the King truly did love you and you him. And those who knew you personally knew you weren’t the type to hatch sordid schemes.

“Pay no mind to them. They love to bash people around, old wives with nothing better to do”, Dis said, being the only other person in your friend group who knew how you felt. They didn’t take it well when they learned that the princess was pregnant at such a young age and as hard as everyone tried to keep the fact that she married after conceiving, it got out.

Avila nodded sagely, “The day we can stop the waggling of their tongues, is the day I become a hermit. It’s just not going to happen”.

Turil walked in through the front door and Dis tried to clamber to her feet.

“Don’t”, he commanded walking over to her and pulling her into an embrace. Before you could spout a greeting, two other dwarves entered through the open door carrying something bulky between the two of them.

“Where does this go, my lord?”.

“Y/n? In yours and Thorin’s room I suppose?”, he smiled.

Dis replied for you, “Yes, it’s to the left down the hall”.

“Oh!”, you gasped in awe when you got a better look at the object. It was a large cradle with a hood and rockers.

“Turil, this must have cost you a fortune!”.

“It was the least I could do for the future prince”.

Turil threw a small money bag at one of the dwarves which he caught it with ease, “Afternoon, to ye folks”, he said closing the door behind them.

You walked into the room followed by Avila.

“This cost him a pretty penny alright”, Avila marveled.

You just gawked at it. Even your late sister’s cradle hadn’t been this grand. It was made of red oak, smothered with carvings and runes. Beautiful lace hung from the sides in layers upon layers that reached the ground.The hood was fringed with crocheted lace and a satin curtain. It was complete with a large frilly pillow and soft silky bedding. 

You ran your hand over the intricate patterns on the wood and thought about the little life that was growing inside you right now. That little life would be sleeping in this cradle in two years, that thought spread warmth through your chest.

Neither you nor Thorin had to spend money on the baby yet, cause you had wonderful friends who tented to those needs. But that didn’t keep Thorin from spending his spare time crafting toys and trinkets for the baby, some ridiculous toy would catch his eye at the market and he’d slap his money down for it in a heartbeat. 

A smile made its way across your face, he was going to be a good father, a caring one who spoils his children to no end.

“I thought we’d have a sleepover of sorts tonight!”, Avila burst out with a laugh to break the silence.

You raised a questioning eyebrow.

“You, Dis and I. At my place since Gloin won’t be back till dawn and Turil is going to join Thorin at the tavern tonight. We can dress and head out for the Durin’s Day celebrations in the morning together”.

You grinned, “That sound like fun”.

And it was fun. You prepped each other’s hair for tomorrow using sweet smelling hair oils and tongs to curl and set your locks in rolls around your heads. You scrub ferociously at your skin to look as clean and groomed as you possibly could. Later Avila shared with you her creams and treatments she had concocted. 

“It smells of orc”, Dis said wrinkling her nose.

“Gloin says the same thing”, Avila said tutting, “it works miracles”.

“If you say so”, Dis said lathering the questionably pink goop over her cheeks and nose.

You were sitting patiently watching her while your own mask finished drying, “gorgeous”, you laughed.

Dis stuck her tongue out at you and continued layering on the goo, “stings a little”.

“That’s now you know it’s working”, Avila explained.

A distant explosion left Dis yelping. 

Avila looked out of the window, “Fireworks”.

“I suppose some nitwit set one off by accident”, you mused.

“Frerin loved fireworks”, Dis said smiling before looking up at you mortified when she realized what she had said.

You brought yourself to smile, “It’s fine. He was your brother, you mustn’t be afraid to speak of him”. This was the first time you’ve heard her mention Frerin since his death. Neither you nor Thorin discussed him between the two of you. Not because you wanted to forget him - there’s no way either of you will forget him, but because you didn’t know how to address the topic.

“I didn’t want to bring up memories”, her feeble apology was not necessary.

“I remember him fondly. Memories of him don’t hurt..not anymore at least”, you smiled.

Dis dipped her chin in agreement.

“Was that Gimli?”, you asked pricking up your ears. You could have sworn you heard a thump.

Avila listened too.

“I don’t think so. I don’t hear anything”, she said after a few seconds.

“I’ll go see, just in case”, you offered getting up from the bed.

You walked down the small dimly lit hall into the sitting room where the last embers burned in the fireplace. Seeing nothing you turned right and opened the first door in the hall and entered Gimli’s room.

The little toddler was fast asleep in his cradle. His breathing was steady and he seemed to fine. The half opened window was letting in a draft. 

The blanket lay at his feet, you pulled it over his tiny body and walked up to the window to close it. A powerful gust of wind blew the sheer drapes in your face. You gasped pulling at them in haste because you thought you saw a figure standing outside the window. 

Freeing your face from the blasted drapes, you look out the window and see nothing. You pull the window shut and slide the bolt home. You were startled and you had a weird feeling..your skin crawled and the fine hairs on the back of your neck stood up. Pulling the drapes across the window, you looked around the room. Yanking the closet doors open, you made sure no one was in there. Were you being paranoid? Maybe. Did you have good reason to be? Most definitely.

You crawled around on your knees, checking under the cradle, the tables and behind chests. 

“Y/n? What on earth are you doing?”, Avila’s sharp whisper had you snapping your head in the direction of the door.

“Do you think someone is in here?”, you asked in a serious whisper.

“Yes, Gimli. Now come on! We have more things to do”.

You sighed and followed her shutting the door.

“I thought I heard something. And I thought I saw something outside”.

“You have to relax, Y/n. I would know if someone broke into my house. I’d hack them to pieces with Gloin’s axe”.

“You shouldn’t leave Gimli’s window open”, you grumbled.

“I never open it”, she said shaking your comment off.

* * *

It was a beautiful day to celebrate. It was midday and the sky was blue with the occasional white fluffy cloud, the wind was gentle in the golden trees and the October chill was surprisingly bearable today. You made your way down to the town square with Dis and Avila, dressed in your fineries and hair adorned with the most sophisticated braids.

Flowers saved from the summer season decorated the lamp posts, statues and the nearby store fronts. Kegs of alcohol were stationed at regular intervals around the square along with food stalls and tables. A stage was set up where a band performed songs and played lively tunes on their lutes, lyres, viols and drums. The air smelled delicious; spiced apples, smoked ham, fruit pie and the distinct smell of warm buttered rum, all mingled together.

The merrymaking had already begun. Dwarves were partaking in games, there were pony rides for the children and drinking games for the adults among many more. Group dances sprung out of nowhere and laughter along with loud chatter was everywhere.

Avila returned to the two of you with two tankards of rum. You hadn’t even noticed her leave.

“Neither of us can drink that Avi. Who are you going to give that to?”, Dis asked with a cock of her eyebrow.

Avila laughed, “Who said I was going to give these to anyone? I was pregnant for two years and this is the first time I’ve been out since. I am drinking _all_ the rum here”, she took a huge chug, “you ladies can watch”.

You groaned while Dis tutted. Your fingers twitched to take a tankard off a table and indulge. But never mind, there were plenty ways to have fun. 

“Milady!”, you spun around to face Bofur who was holding two large trays of food in both arms. You bowed your head with a laugh, “A little way in over your head, huh Bofur?”.

“’Tis not a problem. But would you like some honeycakes?”, he held out one of the trays.

“Yes!”, you grabbed three and proceeded to stuff your face.

“And you princess?”, he offered, but Dis reached for the raspberry biscuits.

“Turil and Thorin are over on that side, if you were wondering”, he said jerking his head in the direction of the majority of the kegs.

“I’m going to get more food before I head over”, Dis said finishing her biscuit, “Avi, want to join me?”.

“I will in a moment. Just have to fill these up”, she shook her empty tankards.

You weaved your way through the crowd of people in the middle of the square who were dancing and spinning each other around. You scanned the area Bofur had mentioned and you zeroed in on a small gathering of dwarves. You stood on your tiptoes to catch a glimpse of what was going on. A cheery whoop erupted from the crowd along with words of encouragement.

You could have sworn you heard Thorin’s laugh. Pushing your way to the front you saw Thorin seated at a table with another dwarf playing a heated game of gwent, that blasted card game you loathed. 

Thorin laughed, obviously quite tipsy, as he slammed his hand of cards down on the table and took an alarmingly big swig of his drink. The other dwarf groaned loudly as Thorin collected his dues. 

“Forget this”, the other dwarf said throwing the cards away, “I bet I can take you on in other ways”, he laughed placing his elbow on the table and offering Thorin his hand.

Thorin held up his hands in a “come at me” gesture before taking his hand.

You snorted, this dwarf has no idea who he was up against.

The cheers grew louder, you narrowly escaped dripping ale and other splashes of drinks that were flying everywhere. 

Thorin threw most of his strength at this dwarf and he held up surprisingly well. He pushed against the stranger’s hand, tendons shook and his sinewy muscles rippled and flexed under his thin tunic. You involuntarily licked your lips at his display of strength. 

The edges of his mouth twitched and his forehead wrinkled in determination while his opponent grunted and clawed at the table with his free hand.

With one final exertion, Thorin slammed the dwarf’s hand down on to the table, throwing him off his stool.

Thorin burst out laughing as he stood slapping him on his back and pulling him to his feet. The crowd of people shouted Thorin’s name amidst their thunderous cheering. 

“No hard feelings. Get the lad a drink!”, Thorin chuckled.

Then he spotted you standing there with a proud smirk on your face.

“There she is”, he grinned drunkenly.

He walked over to you and snaked his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. A few whoops echoes among the people before they began to scatter.

“My girl”, his breath smelled strongly of mead. 

His lips hovered over your smiling ones while one hand trailed over your tummy. You stood on your toes to close the space between your lips. He chuckled into the kiss, deepening it, drinking you in as if you were a drink of sweet mead yourself. 

You begrudgingly pushed against his chest and pulled back, “behave”, you whispered against his beard.

“It proves a challenge when you’re so beautiful. A diamond among rocks..”, he placed kisses along your jaw and neck.

“You’re drunk, my King”, you murmured trying to hold him back. You wanted him to ravish you then and there, but you had your modesty and his dignity to uphold. 

“Not drunk enough”, he joked, “care for a dance, my lady?”, he held out his hand and you took it eagerly.

* * *

“What are you thinking of?”, you asked lazily.

The sky had turned a deep blue-black shade and stars twinkled down at the exhausted party goers. The sun had set a little less than an hour ago and a full moon rose above the Blue Mountains. The merry, upbeat music had slowly transitioned into soft, soothing flute and lute music that was oddly nostalgic.

Braziers crackled and glowed around the square, couples strolled through the streets and grassy knolls while fireflies glinted in the grass. Some slow danced and many lay on the grass, regretting drinking too much. A few ponies drew carts filled with hay and squealing children getting ready for the last of the fireworks.

You had secured a patch of hay for you to rest your aching feet. Now you lay cuddled against Thorin’s chest, he had one of his arms around you and one tucked under his head. 

“Many things”, he said dreamily. 

“You are going to have a hangover the size of Arnor in the morning”, you said kissing his cheek. He chuckled. He knew you were right, he had spent the whole day maintaining a steady flow of mead and rum to his belly.

“I am thinking of my little warrior and how I came to be so lucky”, he said rubbing your belly.

“You think it’s a boy?”, you asked curiously.

“Maybe. I will love him or her either way”, he sounded very happy indeed.

“You are going to be an amazing father”, you mused as both of you fell into silence while admiring the stars and listening to the calming music.

“Soronume glows bright tonight”, he commented rubbing your arm.

“What’s that?”.

“The Eagle of the West”, he traced the constellation in the air, “It was put there by Varda along with wilwarin, the butterfly and Menelmacar, the swordsman in the sky”.

“Hm. Can you also read the future from the stars like some claim to?”.

He grinned, “I’m not a sorcerer”.

The hiss of fireworks made you look away from him. They exploded in the night sky in red, green and white sparks. You sat up with your eyes on the sky.

Thorin didn’t move. He didn’t care for fireworks, he only had eyes for you. He watched your lips part in wonder and your skin glow with the light of the fireworks. Your chest softly rise and fall in that blue dress.

“I don’t need the stars to tell me that you are my future”, he smiled in awe.

“Hm?”, you asked lost in the beauty of the exploding lights, the different patterns and colors completely captivating you.

You clutched Thorin’s hand when one firework burst into a spiraling wheel. You looked back at him in disbelief and did a double take when you realized he was staring at you. 

He was sitting up, “This moment is as perfect as it’s going to get, I suppose”.

You offered him a questioning look when he squeezed the hand you had on his. Retrieving it, you gawked at him.

“I-”, he began to ask the question.

“Yes!”, you gasped.

He grinned from ear to ear as he slipped the mithril band onto your ring finger. You marveled at the white gems and diamonds that beautifully suffocated the band. It looked like Thorin picked a star out of the night sky and placed it upon your finger.

“It was my mother’s. The only thing I have of her..”.

The fireworks slowly died down but you were still lost for words.

“Thorin..are you certain you want me to have this?”.

“I can’t think of anyone more deserving”.

You crawled closer to him and caught his lips in a warm, loving kiss. His hands gripped your shoulders and laid back down in the hay, pulling you with him. Kissing his nose, you smirked wickedly at him.

“Maybe we should head home?”, you proposed rolling your hips against the slight tent in his pants.

* * *

Pulling the laces of your corset loose you walked into Thorin’s room. He had promised he’d only be a moment while he checked on Dis to see if she got home safe.

Your eyes immediately fell on the wall opposite the door. Walking up to it you cracked a smile; Thorin must have used your absence last night to put up your paintings.

The door shut behind and you spun around on your heels with a grateful smile.

* * *

“Y/n, did you knock something over?”, Thorin asked, stepping in through the door.

“Y/n?”, he looked around the empty room.

His worried eyes fell on the shattered vase on the floor that used to sit on the dresser. The little chair was turned over on its side and the window flapped in the gentle wind.

“Y/n!”, he looked in the bathroom then proceeded to search the room. He ripped the crumpled covers off the bed, he was panicking. 

He took a step away from the bed and stepped on something hard. He bent and picked up a hair bead. You had been wearing these today. A whole handful of these beads were scattered near the window.

He had no doubt now. You were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno should I end this here? Sounds like a good back story to why Thorin is pretty grumpy and pissy..  
> Your thoughts?


	16. The Dead of Winter (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-con stuff, so be warned. The story takes one hell of a dark turn in this and the next chapter. People who aren't into that stuff...I'm sorry!!! :(

Thorin knew where he must go. He knew the second he realized you were taken. Anger bubbled up from the pit of his stomach whenever he imagined Fallas’ hands on his wife, which was all he could think about.

In the middle of the night, he gathered some of his best men; Dwalin, Gloin, Balin, Bofur and Bifur. He had to sate Avila with a brief account of what happened in order to get Gloin of out the house. She had been devastated.

His men didn’t question his decisions, they would follow him to the end. So when he said that he was going to rescue his wife from a very powerful Lord, they just nodded.

A day’s ride later he arrived at Belegost. This was not going to be easy, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. He would burn the whole city to the ground if he must to get to you. He couldn’t raise an army for this, but he sure would put everything he had into trying.

* * *

After being in the back of a cart for two days, tied and blindfolded you were shoved into a room where you tripped and hit the cold stone floor.

You were exhausted from kicking and resisting everyone who touched you and pushed you about. So instead of panicking or getting up, you laid there motionless while you tried to gather your wits. Your body ached and you were tired.

Rolling onto your back, you brought your bound hands to the blindfold and tugged it over your head. Previously, when you’d attempt to do so someone would yank your hands back and give you a sharp knock on the side of your head.

You sat up weakly and looked around the empty room. 

It was a small room with a stone walls, one window with iron bars across it, a reasonably sized bed and a wooden bathtub. The walls and floors were bare and it looked like a slightly better prison cell. But you’ve dealt with worse.

Even though you didn’t recognize the man who had grabbed you, you didn’t need to bother yourself because you knew who brought you here and why. You just needed to figure out a way to get out of here.

The large iron fringed door slid open after a knock. A mousy looking dwarrowdam walked in carrying a tray of food and a dress draped over one arm. The door shut behind her and you heard the sound of a heavy bolt sliding home.

“Lord Fallas requests that you wash and eat before you meet with him”, she said setting the tray and dress down on the bed with a nervous smile. She walked over to you and untied your hands after wrestling with the knot for a while.

“I hope you find everything to your liking, milady”.

You threw her a look of disdain and she ducked her head in apology before knocking on the door to open it and disappearing.

You rubbed your bruised wrists, noticing that the skirt of your dress had been ripped in some places. 

On the first day, they had shoved a crust of bread in your mouth and given you a drop of water. But the whole of next day you had been deprived of water and food, you were ravenous. Clambering onto your feet, you staggered over to the bed and scarfed down the little cakes and the slice of bread with a wedge of cheese. You didn’t pause to savor the taste, you stuffed your face to relieve yourself of the painful gnawing in the pit of your stomach. So he wasn’t going to starve you.

Chugging the tumbler of water you dipped it in the bucket next to the tub and drank more. You sat down a little out of breath from all that fast chewing. A hand rested on your belly, you prayed your little gem was alright. You were lightheaded for many reasons, you laid down on the bed and took deep breaths trying to make the room stop spinning. 

A good long while passed by. 

You did your best to not give into panic, it wouldn’t help you and definitely won’t help your baby. Thankfully, your head had settled and you were breathing normally. Thorin won’t leave you here. You wouldn’t let him keep you here.

There was another knock on the door, a louder one.

You sat up to find a daunting dwarf dressed in armor standing at the door. 

“Come with me”, he said in a gruff voice. 

You didn’t hesitate to respond, “No”.

“Listen lass, ya either walk on yer own two feet or I drag ya there by yer hair”.

“I don’t want to go anywhere. Leave me be”, you said more firmly. What could you possibly gain from speaking with Fallas?

The dwarf patiently walked over to you, his heavy boots thudding on the floor. You shrank back as he got closer. He roughly grabbed your wrist and yanked you towards the door with more force than necessary. 

You tried to shake him off you, but he was three times bigger than you; Fallas had given this some thought. You were lead down a hallway, a couple more dwarves stood around wearing the same armor as the dwarf who was pulling you along. Fallas’ guards.

The hallway was definitely leading you underground. It divided into two halls after a while, the dwarf lead you down the left hallway.

“You mind loosening your grip?”, you asked wincing from the pain.

He only tightened it instead in response.

Two other guards stood outside a massive door and they pulled it open when they saw you approaching. 

The asshole dwarf gave you one final push through the doors and he let the doors shut behind the two of you. The room you stood in was a masonry masterpiece. Thick, embossed stone pillars were scattered around the vast room, woodwork with gold incorporated into it adorned the walls and furniture. 

“My Lord”, the dwarf guard made your presence known.

You craned your neck to see who he was speaking to. In the corner of the room was a raised dais with a large, decorated low lying bed. Expensive blankets were tossed off and Fallas sat up, smoothing his tousled blond hair he smiled at you. 

“Leave us”.

You were mildly surprised to see two naked dwarrowdam quickly grab their discarded clothes and hurry out the door, followed by the guard.

Fallas grabbed a robe off a chair and draped it over his shoulders and sauntered over to you. 

“You’re finally here”, he grinned.

Your face was expressionless.

“You’re not happy”, he stated frowning. Keen perception.

“You’re not going to be happy here”, he said placing his hands on your shoulders, making you flinch.

“You’re here for my pleasure”, he smiled.

You looked him the eye, “If you’re going to kill me, I-”

“Oh no, no! I’m not going to kill you. I need you”, he said stroking your cheek.

“Why”, you bit out.

“Because I’m a collector of the arts too”, he smirked running the pad of his thumb around the rim of your lips. 

His eyes traveled down your body and you’ve never felt more naked in your life. His hands dropped down from your face to the stomacher of your dress. Before he could touch you, your hands seized his.

“Thorin will come for me. And when he does, he will rip you apart”, you said trying to keep your voice from cracking. He gave you a half smirk before shaking you off and proceeding to touch you.

“I received word that he has indeed reached Belegost and demanded your release”. Your heart leaped with joy and your lips dared to smile.

“No one knows anything at Belegost, I’m afraid. We aren’t in Belegost after all”, your heart plummeted to your feet. But Thorin won’t give up, you knew that. “Don’t look so glum, Y/n. You’re here with me”, his lips grazed your jawline, “He’s nothing compared to me. But I’d love to see his face when I take you. I might have that arranged...would you like that?”,he chuckled into your skin.

You pulled back in rage and slapped him across his face before running to the door. When pushing didn’t work you tugged at the handles, “let me out!”, you hammered on the the wood with your fists.

Fallas dragged you away from the door and pushed you on to a chair. You looked around for something to defend yourself with while he rubbed his bearded jaw.

“I’ll let that one slide since this is your first day. Anymore of that and I’ll break your ribs, you hear me?”, he roughly grabbed your chin and glared at you.

The cursed room was strategically void of sharp or movable objects. 

His eyes softened and picked you up. You squirmed in his arms, “Put me down”.

He laid you down on the bed and you did your best to not touch much of it. He quickly shed his robe and loosened the lacing of his pants. You avoided looking at his face, you glared at his feet. Could you fight him off? You won’t let this happen.

“Please, don’t do this. I’m pregnant”, you pleaded.

“Good. Now I can’t get you pregnant”, he pushed you flat against the bed and ran a hand over your chest and down the valley between your swelling breasts.

“You’ll hurt the baby”, you tried to explain.

“Why should I care about some forgotten King’s bastard child?”, he ripped the lace off the gold stomacher and yanked it from under you. You curled up in an attempt to shield yourself from his eyes and touch. 

He slid a hand over your calf and higher till he had a firm grasp on your thigh, he forced your legs apart while you resisted with every ounce of strength you could muster. 

“The more you resist, the more pain you’ll feel”, his cold voice pricked your skin. He knelt between your open legs and pulled you against his bare chest and held you there while his fingers worked on untying the lacing on the back of your dress. Your face was buried in the thick tuft of blond hair on his firm chest, you fought the urge to cry when he tugged the dress loose. He pushed you back down and reached for the neckline of the dress, you slapped his hand away.

He grinned, looking pleased, “I must admit, forcing myself on you is half the fun”. He slapped you hard blurring your vision and making your ears ring, 

“I suppose I’m just returning the favor”, he pulled the dress off your shoulders and off your arms. You groaned in pain as you tried to push him off you and when you finally realised you were exposed, your arms flew up to cover your chest. He leaned in and claimed your lips, biting and sucking more than kissing. You remained motionless. He moved down your neck, biting hard enough to badly bruise you. Tears stung your eyes. 

His arms ripped your hands away from your chest and pinned them at your sides. You squirmed as he got closer to your breasts. Remembering your free feet, you tucked them under his torso and pushed him away. He was taken by surprise, but of course he wouldn’t let that stop him, with some difficulty he pulled the dress off your hips and straddled you. 

“Looks like we’re going to have to skip the foreplay since you’re not in the mood today”.

He grabbed handfuls of your breasts and kneaded them while rubbing his hardness against your panty clad slit. With a hard tug, he ripped your pantied off, with his other hand he freed his throbbing erection.

“Please don’t...please”, your tears spilled down your cheeks.

He forced your legs open and held them steady around his waist, he sucked on the flesh of your neck and chest as he positioned himself at your entrance. You screamed in pain and shame when he rammed into your dry opening. He groaned like he enjoyed your pain. He didn't give you time to adjust, he kept tearing away to your insides. You squeezed your eyes shut trying to imagine being somewhere else...anywhere but here. Images of home...Thorin’s house took form in your mind. Playful banters with Dis and Bofur and Thorin’s arms around you.

Fallas thrusted erratically into you as you laid there unmoving with your eyes closed. You felt nothing, you were numb and it brought you no pleasure. Choosing to remain motionless was probably the smart thing to do, to reduce injury to yourself and the baby. You opened your eyes by a fraction and hissed in pain when you felt teeth sink into your shoulder.

He grunted as warm blood dripped onto his lower lip, he lapped at it making you grit your teeth. His fingers dug painfully into your hips while his thrusts quickened, violently shaking your form. Backing up enough to sit back, he gripped your throat, almost depriving you of air. He groaned loudly when he spilled into you, he was still spurting when he pulled out and laid his length against your warmth. Thick ropes of semen shit out, coating your stomach and neck.

He fell limp on you, panting and sweating. 

You weakly pushed against him and to your surprise he rolled over. 

“You don’t seem to be pleased”, you heard his amusement in his voice.

“You do not have the capability or the virility to please me”, you spat bitterly.

Wiping some of his seed from your tearstained cheek you asked, “Can I go now?”.

He shouted something in Khuzdul, you jumped startled by the volume of his voice. 

The door opened and the same dwarf who had brought you here appeared. 

“Take her back to her quarters. Do what you will with her, but don’t damage her pretty skin”. You slipped into your dress and sat back down on the bed. You didn’t want to leave with this man, you were tired and in pain, you didn’t know what he was going to do.

Fallas turned his head to look at you and laughed, “I’m sure he’ll be gentle. I’ll see you again tomorrow. You’ll get to have me inside you again”. You burned with anger at his remarks, you shot up to your feet and before you could step away from the bed, he gave your bum a hard slap.

“I will kill you. I will put a dagger through your heart”, you said calmly without facing him. 

He chuckled behind you, “Of course you will”.

You walked past the guard and out the open door, he quickly flanked you. Remembering the way back to your room, you walked ahead of the guard and waited for him to unlock the door. Once he did, you stepped inside and waited for his to follow you. He didn’t.

Instead his locked the door behind you and left you to your peace. 

Relief flooded you and you quickly shed your clothes and clumsily climbed into the tub. More tears and sobbed escaped you while you grabbed the sliver of soap and furiously rubbed at your skin. You wanted to get him off you.

A strangled wail left your lips. Why, Aule? Why is this happening? Water sloshed around you as your arms worked frantically to scrub your chest and neck till your were turning scarlet. You didn’t realize that you were sitting in the tub for over an hour trying to clean yourself.

“Milady”, a squeak came from the door.

Your head snapped up and saw the mousy dwarrowdam from before. She stepped in and hurried over when she saw the state you were in. She gently reached for you hand, you flinched away.

“No! Don’t touch me”, you cried.

“Milady, I only want to help”, she said looking at you with her doe eyes.

She tried again, more gently, “let me help you”.

You let her take your hands away from your body, she took the soap from your fingers and washed the suds off you. 

“Come on”, she helped you to your feet and out of the tub, draping a towel over your shoulders she made you sit on the bed. She patted you down and held out the slip of the dress that she had brought in earlier. You stepped into it and sat down, a little reloved that you weren’t all that naked anymore.

She began undoing the drenched braids in your hair and you let her, but when she moved to undo the braid Throin had put in your hair, you grabbed her wrist, “No”.

She nodded understandingly, using the towel she patted it dry as best as she could and dried the rest of your hair. 

“I will have them change the bath water, milady”, she smiled.

"I’m not a lady. You don’t have to call me that”, you said staring at the floor.

“What would you like me to call you?”, she asked hesitantly.

You didn’t reply. You didn’t want to talk anymore.

“I’ll bring up your supper in a bit..milady”, she said after a while and left.

Night had fallen and the room got a little chilly but what with no fireplace or brazier you could only curl up under the rough blanket and keep warm. You didn’t know how long you stayed in that position, but you fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

You woke up shivering, there was definitely a draft in here. On top of that, you were starving. You turned your head to side and by the light of the moon you made out a tray of food by the foot of the door. You hopped down on to the cold floor and knelt at the tray and ate whatever they offered you. The tray sat on a thick blanket. The girl was not like the rest of the people here.

After eating, you picked up the blanket and slipped under the covers again with the new blanket over them. You felt significantly better and it wasn’t that difficult to slip back into sleep.

* * *

The next morning you woke to the sound a knock. You had forgotten where you were and looking around reality punched your right in the gut. The mousy girl was back with more food.

“I hope you slept well”, she smiled shyly.

You moved to get out of bed and winced in pain that emanated from various parts of your body.

“I’m sorry”, she said handing you a slice of toast and butter.

You chewed in silence. 

“We here have all been where you are”, she said solemnly.

“What is your name?”, you asked looking at her properly for the first time. 

“Roh”.

“Y/n”.

She picked up your tattered dress off the floor and folded it.

“What do you mean “we”?”, you asked after a while.

“There are quite a few dwarrowdam here, and a few human women. They too are..prisoners”.

“Why do you get to walk around?”

“I suppose I earned Lord Fallas’ trust, like some of the others”.

“You’ve never tried to escape?”

“Once”, she pushed the sleeves of her dress back and relived deep pink brands on her forearms. The symbols were similar to those adorning the guards’ armor and tapestries in the halls. 

“There is only one way out. Through a door on the main level. I am only allowed on the lower levels. There is no leaving. I’m sorry”

“How old were you..when..”, you gave her a sympathetic look.

“I was just a dwarfling. I’ve been here twenty years...I dare say that I don’t know another life other than this”, she smiled meekly.

“I’m sorry”.

“I would like to feel the grass under my feet again. And the wind in my hair..why, I’d quite forgotten what that feels like”, she was dreamily looking out the narrow window.

“Will..the guards not help?”

“They’re just like their master. They take what they want from us and treat us like animals”.

You sighed. 

“I won’t lose hope. There are people out there looking for me”, you said twisting Thorin’s ring around your finger.

“If I may bestow a piece of advice?”, Roh asked twisting a lock of her red hair.

“Hm?”

“Win his trust. Life gets easier when you do”.

“Why are you nice to me? I could hold you hostage and demand my release, why do you trust me?”, it was true. You were stronger than her.

She laughed, “Lord Fallas would like that. Another life to replace...a new toy. He wouldn’t care”, she shook her head, “And you wouldn’t do anything of the sort. You are not a person who’d do that”.

Her green eyes bore into yours and you it dawned on you that she was no wilting flower.

“Now”, she said picking up the tray, “get dressed. Lord Fallas wishes to see you”.

You wanted to crawl back into bed and pretend none of this is happening.

Roh knocked on the door and turned to you, “It’s only till he goes away to Belegost. We have some time to ourselves then”, she was trying to lift your spirits. The door opened and she was gone.

You pick up the dress Thorin had made for you and contemplated on putting it on. It was comforting to wear it, it was the closest thing to a hug from him. But instead you laid it under your pillow and put on the purple and lilac dress Roh had brought in yesterday. You had to be strong, even if it’s going to be difficult.

If you were to win his trust, every detail counted. You twisted your hair into a rope braid and coiled it around your head and finally tucked your courting braid into it away from sight. Then you waited to be escorted to his chambers.

* * *

You pulled your dress down and tried to stop your face from contorting in pain. 

“You were good today”, Fallas said wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you back against his chest. You fought against the urge to kick him in his balls. His beard tickled your ear and his teeth nipped your neck. You turned to face him with a slight smile, “I’m glad you liked that”.

His eyes searched your face, “Hm”.

“Is there anything else you need my Lord?”

“No”, he took a few steps back and fell back on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows, he continued, “But I do have news for you”.

You cocked your head slightly.

“Thorin didn’t take no for an answer when my men turned him away from my home. In the middle of the night he broke in with his men and my guards didn’t let anyone leave alive”, he smirked wickedly.

Your throat closed up and your head spun. But you refused to fall apart in front of him. Clearing your throat you spoke, “Well, if that’s all, may I leave?”.


	17. The Dead of Winter (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! Distressing stuff ahead..I mean, it's not that bad..but be warned all the same.  
> Hope you enjoy!   
> Comment and leave kudos <3

Weeks passed by.

Your body grew accustomed to the violent plundering it was exposed to many times a day. It would have seem that the rest of the prisoners have been ignored by Fallas as you became his favourite toy. He made you do unspeakable things, did unspeakable things to you because it made him happy. Some days you felt like you were on the verge of dying,

He had some of his men take turns fucking you while he watched, he had whipped you on more than one occasion, he had made you make love to other dwarrowdam to get him off. To keep track of the obscenities he put you through would be folly. The only reason you held on was the fact that you knew your baby was still alive. A couple days ago, you noticed a slight swelling around your belly, and since you were quite certain your meagre diet was not causing you to gain weight, it had to be sign of life in there.

You didn’t complain about or resist Fallas’ inhumane actions, you at the most only hesitated for a fraction of a second. You needed to get out of here to ensure that Thorin’s baby survives and furthers his bloodline. You weren’t quite sure if Fallas had spoken the truth about Thorin. He was most likely trying to rile you up or crush your spirit. But at the same time you couldn’t help but wonder if he had indeed been telling the truth. 

When Fallas would leave to tend to his other duties, you would have a moment of peace and it was the most joy you could experience in this place. You would have at most a week away from him, but his guards made sure you weren’t just lounging about. SInce he got back fairly quickly, you were sure that you weren’t that far away from Belegost. 

The rude dwarf guard who accompanied you to and from your quarters was doing the same today. Because of his very prominent scar across his eye, you had taken to calling him Scarface, in your head at least. Fallas was about to leave for Belegost and he wished to enjoy your company one last time and now you were heading back to your room.

You stepped in and was roughly pulled back out of your room by your hand. You gasped as you turned to face the stoic face of Scarface. Mentally sighing, you awaited his assault, this was going to be your first with him.

He gripped your hand tight and slid the Thorin’s ring off your finger.

“No!”, you made a lunge for him which he countered with a sharp push against your shoulder which sent you toppling back into your room and the door slammed shut. You hurled yourself at the door, pounding and shouting “Give it back!”.

Fallas hadn’t given your ring a second glance. Gems were of no use to him. Of course the filthy, thieving guard probably wants to pawn it at some local shop. You lost your wedding ring. You were crushed and it stung more than the open wound on your cheek or the scratches on your back. 

“Y/n!”, a muffled voice called from outside the door and you stood back as it flung open. Roh walked in looking concerned.

“What’s the matter Y/n?”, she asked inspecting your pained face.

“He took my ring!”, you wailed.

“Who?”

“The big lumbering oaf of a guard!”

Roh backed up into the open doorway and looked both ways, “He’s gone now. Oh, Y/n you should have hidden it. You know what the people here are like”, she tried to calm you.

“I shouldn’t have taken it. I knew I’d lose it”, you sobbed.

“People lose things all the time”, she rubbed your back, “Things are for losing. Let it go. He could have taken a lot worse from you”.

You sniffed as you stared at the open door.

“Why aren’t they locking it?”, you asked curiously.

“You did it. You are free to walk outside your room”, she grinned.

You gawked at her, so soon?

“I know what you’re thinking, He only let you do so because you behaved and because you’ll be watched very closely”. She meant you still had quite a way to go.

“Bu-”, you were cut short when your tummy churned painfully.

“Y/n?”

“Y-yeah..I-”, you shrieked in agony before completing your thought.

You collapsed to the ground but Roh managed to break your fall.

The wind was knocked completely out of your lungs when searing agony gripped you.

“Something’s wrong”, you cried clutching her hand.

Roh’s eyes swept your body trying to figure out what was happening, “Where? Oh-”, her voice was frantic.

Your hands clutched your tummy feeling faint. You felt warm liquid between your legs and in seconds blood seeped through your dress and pooled around you.

“No!”, you gasped. _No, this can’t happen._.

A scream left your lips when your insides twisted and contracted violently. 

A guard stepped before the door and walked away after muttering, “Not another one”. You felt yourself cramping up.

Roh wiped your tears away and smoothed your hair while saying anything and everything that she thought would soothe you. And just like that, the cramps and the convulsions stopped, leaving behind sore muscles and a puddle of blood on the floor.

You laid there breathing heavily while you processes what just happened.

“I lost the baby didn’t I?”, you asked in a choked voice.

“I’m afraid you did”, Roh said sympathetically.

You lost the one thing you had left of Thorin. It was an innocent life, a life that wouldn’t come to see the light of day. 

“I lost my baby”, you cried.

“Hush now”, of course Roh couldn’t begin to comprehend your devastation. But she was doing the best she could to comfort you.

“I’ll help you out of these clothes. The sooner you get out of them, the better you’ll feel”. No you wouldn’t. Your problem wasn’t getting blood on your clothes, your problem was your broken heart, your shattered dreams and your dead baby. But you complied.

She helped you to your feet, a sharp jolt of pain shot up your spine and a sickening splat was heard in the room as something hit the floor between your feet. Squeezing your eyes shut and enduring it, you stood while Roh unlaced your dress. Your head was spinning but you didn’t say so. 

She peeled the dress off your bloodied skin and dropped it to the floor. Taking your hands she lead you to the bath tub and you slowly stepped in. You pulled your knees to your chest and rested your cheek on them. 

“I’ll be back with a new dress”, you vaguely heard Roh say before hurrying over to the discarded dress and out the door, shutting it behind her.

You didn’t cry. You couldn’t anymore. The pain was too much that it was numbing you and was causing your lungs to collapse.

You needed to stay alive for your your baby and now you couldn’t find a reason to. Even if Thorin was alive, how were you going to explain this to him? And how can you go back to him after being...tainted? He deserved so much more and the only reason you would have gone back to him before was to bear his child and nothing else.

The iron banding the edge of the bathtub caught your eye. You ran your fingers over the sharp, uneven edge. Your thoughts drifted. If you end things now, you could be _free_. No one will hurt you again.

You dragged your wrist vertically down the edge, but it only left a pink scratch. More pressure? Before you could try again, Roh entered the room again. She saw what you were doing and immediately understood what you were about to do.

“Y/n, stop!”, she hurried over to you and yanked your hands away from the tub. You put up a weak fight.

“Leave me be!”

“I won’t let you kill yourself”, she snapped.

“I don’t have anything to live for! I am ruined! I have no one..”, you wailed.

“Stop it!”, she hissed, “don’t you think I haven’t thought about doing the same? I have more reason than you”.

You cried silently.

“You’ve told me about your friends, Dis, Avila and Bofur. And Thorin. Remember him? You said he’s out there looking for you. Do _not_ give up”, she brushed your hair back and forced you to look at her.

“What if he’s not?”, you sobbed.

“You need to live. The only thing I remember of my mother is her telling me how precious life is, You cannot die. I have faith that I will get out of here one day and I intend to live till I see that day. And I beg you to do the same. This is not the end. There’s more to our lives, I know it”, her green eyes lit up with hope and determination. She looked so sure and you wanted to believe her and be as optimistic but right now you just couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

“I know how you feel. I might not know how it feels to lose a child, but I know how it feels like to lose everything. To have everything taken from you and feel like the world is at an end. I also know how difficult it is to think that things could get better. How could they? Your heart is broken. But I need you to trust me..”, her eyes silently begged you.

“Trust me when I say that things get better. You will heal and you will smile again. You won’t die here”, she squeezed your hand in assurance. 

You blindly placed your trust in her.

* * *

A few days passed by since. You had been allowed to walk around and you had made it to the entrance to the main floor which was a heavily guarded room. Getting through those guards would take a lot of strength...strength you didn’t have. 

But your time with the guards had given you a glimpse into the weak points of their armor. Maybe you could use that to your advantage? Fallas was getting back tomorrow and if Mahal was with you, you could be gone before then.

You were carrying a basket of clean sheets. You were cleaning the chambers with a few other dwarrowdam today. 

When you neared a guard who stood watch at the door of a prisoner, you pretended trip and dropped the basket at his feet. 

“Oi watch it! Clumsy git”, he barked.

You bent your head started to pick up the sheets with a small, “sorry”. Luckily, some of the sheets fell on his feet, “pick em up”, he growled. You moved swiftly watching his face through the corner of your eye. Once his boots were free, his gaze was redirected on to the wall in front of him. You quickly and nimbly unsheathed the small dagger concealed in his boot and slipped it in the basket before picking it up and proceeding.

* * *

Night fell and you watched the snow glitter against the moonlight through your small window. It was time.

You slipped out of the dress you were wearing and put on the dress Thorin had given you to wear on Durin’s Day instead. It was ripped in some places and dirty, but it made you feel safe in and it represented freedom in some ways to you. It was like Thorin would be helping you make your escape. You let your hair down and tightened your courting bead around its braid. Lastly, you put on the fur mantel you had procured from a corner in this dungeon you were in. It was the dead of winter and it was going to be cold. Especially when the wind picks up later tonight. You had no boots, just a flimsy pair of kid slippers but they’d have to do.

You stepped outside and slowly closed the door and made your way to Roh’s room. It was late at night and since Fallas wasn’t here many of the guards didn’t bother with regular rounds, insisting that these dwarrowdam had no wits to sneak out nor the guts. You didn’t bother knocking, you entered and saw her looking out the window intently.

She whipped around surprised to have any visitors at this hour. 

“Y/n, what are you doing here?”

“I’m leaving”, you said quietly.

“So I see”, she said taking in your attire.

“Roh, come with me”, you suggested.

She smiled and shook her head, “You are going to need stealth on your side. If you had me by your side you’d be at a disadvantage. I’m afraid I’m no good with weapons or stealth”, a slight flush crept to her cheeks.

You would have pushed her more but you couldn’t guarantee her safety or yours for that matter. The only difference was that you didn’t care if you died trying to get out or put in chains for the rest of your life. You had to try. You couldn’t stand to be here, trapped like an animal anymore.

“Thank you”, you said bowing your head in respect.

“For what?”

“For everything. For giving me hope. For being a friend”.

“Please, think nothing of it”.

You walked over to her and hugged her, “I will be back for you”.

“I wish you all the luck in the world”, she pulled back and smiled that half smile of hers.

You noded once and opened the door, “I’ll see you soon”.

Walking down the hall, you slipped past some guards who sat playing gwent and downing a few tankards.

You hurried to end of the second floor and peeked into the room that housed the door to the main floor. Three guards stood watch.

Alright, you needed to be brave. A small voice in the back of your mind screamed that this was the most stupid thing you’ve done. You couldn’t back down now.

Taking a deep breath, you held your chin up and walked into the room. 

“What are ye doin’ here? Go back, ya crazy wench”, one of the guards snapped. 

You kept walking till you reached the middle of the room, the guards stepped forward. “I’m warning you!”, he growled.

You pulled out your dagger and readied yourself to attack. A hand came down on your shoulder from the back and twirled you around, snatching your dagger away from you in the process.

“No!”, you screamed looking at Scarface. He held you by the scruff of your mantel. He sheathed it in his boot. He asked for an axe from one of the guards in Khuzdul. 

You were shaking. He was going to murder you right here. It was all over.

The guard complied and handed him the one he held. Scarface glared at you and showed you aside before hacking away at the guards who had stood in your way. They put up quite a fight, but Scarface was a slaughtering machine and much bigger than any of them.

You could only stand there gawing at what was unfolding in front of you. It didn't take long for him to cut them down. He pulled the axe out of one of them and turned to you.

“Please don’t kill me”, you whispered shrinking back.

“You couldn’t wait, could you?”, his voice was deep and thunderous.

“Wait for what?”

“The King would have been here in a matter of days, but you threw the pan off course”, he narrowed his eyes.

“The King?”, who was he talking about?

“Thorin”.

“He’s alive?”, you gasped.

“Of course, why wouldn’t he be? He is close”.

A new surge of hope and happiness you haven’t felt in weeks spread through you. 

“Why are you helping me?”

“I serve my King and Queen, even though I have to seek employment in unsavory places. A dwarf must make a living”, a flash of shame flickered in his eyes and it was gone just as quickly.

“Come, we mustn’t delay”, he pushed the doors open and lead you up a set of stairs and down a more hallways till you reached a big black iron door. 

“Go north from the yellow tree. Keep going and you might find Thorin or if you don’t you’ll find the town of Helmth, people there will help you”. He looked down and quickly shook his boots off.

“Those slivers of parchment won't get you far. Take mine”.

You stepped into the large boots and shrugged, “They’re a bit big”.

He bent down and pulled the binding s of around the boots tight around your legs and secured them. You could move without them slipping off.

“Thank you”, you said placing a hand on his arm.

“Nevermind that. Off with you”, he yanked the door open and a gust of icy wind blew in your face. He handed back the dagger to you.

“Let the others go”, you said looking back at him.

“I cannot. I’m sorry”, he shouted over the howling wind.

You sighed and staggered off into the storm. It was a full blown blizzard and the snow went past your thighs. How in the world were you going to find a yellow tree in all of this? 

The snow came down hard and the cold had numbed your face a good long while ago. You squinted to see through the veil of snow as you kept going. It felt like you’ve been waling for hours when you spotted a tall tree. It was the only tree that was growing for a couple miles. Walking over to it, you dug at the snow covering the bark. Was it yellow? It was some sort of murkish beige. That’ll do.

You located north using the very dim stars. Durin the Deathless always points north. You thanked Thorin mentally for telling you that. 

Falling down was annoying and caused you to slow down quite a bit. You only prayed that you won’t freeze to death before you found shelter. The darkness wasn’t helping either. But did you regret your decision? No.

A shrill howl was carried towards you on the wind. What was that? You looked around, but of course your visibility was bad so you kept walking.

* * *

You were too cold. You couldn’t feel your fingers and your ears were aching, probably on the brink of falling off. All you wanted to do was stop, but stopping would mean you were good as dead. 

A snarl came from a few feet infront of you. You stopped short and tried to make out what it was. You stumbled back. A looming form stepped forward and you saw that it was a warg, as while as the snow and its rider a pale orc. More wargs with riders appeared behind him. 

“Azog”, you choked. What was he doing this far West?

His gaze ran up and down your body. Perfect time to be decked to the nines with sigils of the house of Durin. As if he read your mind, he roared something in black speech and the only word you could make out was “Durin”.

Three other wargs snarled viciously and stepped forward. 

Run, you urged your legs. _Run_.

Clawing at the snow you sprinted as fast as blizzard would allow. Blood curdling howls echoed behind you. 

It didn't take long for the wargs to catch up to you, one snapped at your feet and sent you tumbling onto the snow. You shreked when it caught hold of your mantel and shook you by it. Another snapped at your arms, you dodged and sank your dagger into its side while kicking the warg at your feet. The dagger was not enough to take it down. You shrugged off your mantel and crawled away quickly. Rising to your feet you forced yourself to run. 

Pained yelps and growls split through the air. You looked over your shoulder and saw that the wargs weren't chasing you anymore. You looked around desperately.

“Y/n?”

You heard a faint voice. But it was gutwrenchingly familiar.

Shivering harshly, you took weak steps froward to see through the falling snow.

“Thorin?”.


	18. Mine to Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these are taking forever, I'm trying to change colleges and that's been a real pain.  
> Hope you like this, I'm planning on writing two more chapters :)  
> Leave kudos and comments! <3

Thorin dismounted his pony and waded in the snow towards you. In one motion he had you in his big arms, warmth surrounding you. Your fingers curled into his thick fur mantel. He nuzzled into your hair whispering incomprehensible things.

“Thorin”, you sobbed. It was him. It was really him. It was his warmth that shrouded you, it was his snowflake covered cheek he pressed against your hair. He was here.

He hushed you and just held you close. 

“Thorin, though I am as elated as you to have found Y/n, I must advise that we best find some shelter. There might be more wargs about and the blizzard will only worsen”, Dwalin piped up from the back.

Thorin took his mantle off and draped it over your shoulders and helped you up onto the pony before climbing on himself. Pulling you close to his chest, he kicked the pony into motion. You snuggled deep into his big fur mantle and sighed in exhaustion and happiness.

Bofur smiled at you from his pony welcoming you back without words.

“Azog”, you remembered, “I saw Azog”, you spoke over the sound of the wind.

Dwalin snorted, “The girl is delirious. Let’s get her warm”.

“Are you not cold?”, you asked weakly while looking up at Thorin. He merely shook his head as he kept his eyes on the road before him. 

Oh. Alright then. Maybe you shouldn’t fight the sleep pulling you down into darkness. So you didn’t.

* * *

Sleep was blissful. For the first time in two months you slept _well_. So well, that you didn’t even stir when Thorin moved you from the pony to the floor of a cave they found.

You would have slept right through the storm, even though the ride back to Ered Luin, if not for Thorin’s voice. You always found his voice comforting and it should have lulled you deeper into sleep, but the note of anger in it pulled you out of your dreamless slumber. You stirred in his oversized mantle.

“Thorin, you ought to look happier to be with Y/n again, is all I’m saying”, Dwalin tried to explain.

“Happy?! How can I take pleasure from seeing her like this? She is black and blue all over!”, he growled and then brought his voice down incase he woke you. You turned your head and saw that Gloin, Balin, Bofur and Bifur were all huddled in the opposite side of the fire that you laid next to. Dwalin and Thorin stood at the entrance of the cave and from the look and sound of their spat, Dwalin wanted to get Thorin out of the cold and next to the fire incase he froze to death. But as usual, Thorin was being hardheaded.

“Leave me be. I’m fine”, he rumbled.

“Thorin”, you rasped in your sleep-heavy voice.

He whipped around and took quick, long strides to kneel down next to you. Propping yourself up on your elbows, you reached for his hand.

He enveloped you in a loving embrace, “Oh, my One. Forgive me..”.

“Lads”, Balin cleared his throat and they all moved deeper into the shallow cave.

You wound your fingers in his hair and kissed his cheek, “You’re ice cold”, you said pulling back slightly, “sit by the fire”, you plead.

He shook his head, “This can’t even be a fraction of what you felt”, he was punishing himself. You cupped his face in your hands, running your thumbs over his bearded cheeks you smiled, “My love, I am fine now that I’m with you”. He looked more tired than you’ve ever seen him. His face was pale, his eyes had dark circles under them and they wore a deeply tortured look that harrowed your very soul.

“Look at you”, he whispered running his thumb over your bruised cheek, months ago you would have winced but now you barely felt it, “worried about me, when you’re the one deserving of all concern”. You smiled amidst your tears.

“I thought I lost you..I looked everywhere for you”, he sounded dazed.

“You found me, I am here”, you shushed him and placed a light kiss on his cheek.

He chuckled bitterly.

“We have to go back”, you said as your thoughts drifted to Fallas’ keep.

“Absolutely not!”, Thorin snapped while examining your face to see if you’ve lost your senses.

“No you don’t understand...there are more just like me. Thorin, we need to help them”, you begged.

“More?”, a look of disgust shrouded his features, “Y/n...it's a miracle you got out alive, I won’t let you go back there”.

“I had help”, you half smiled.

“Indeed”, he clasped your hand in his and slid a ring on your ring finger and it didn’t take you long to realise that it was the ring he had given you on Durin’s Day...the ring Scarface stole from you.

“Oh! How?”, was all you could manage.

“Olmeth served my father. He knew I was looking for you and when he realised who you were, he got this to me a few moons ago. And he proposed a plan”, he smiled and ran a finger down your jaw, “which had some complications, I assume”.

“He told me of no such thing”, you defended yourself, “he ought to have spoken more”.

“He isn’t a dwarf of many words”.

“Why were you out in the blizzard? You could have waited it out”, you asked.

He chuckled, “Yes, that’s the first thought that crossed my mind: to wait the bloody storm out while the light of my world withered away”. He rested his forehead on yours, “No, I would have crossed the Sundering seas for you in the middle of the monsoon”. You buried your face in his tunic and inhaled his scent which you’ve missed so much.

“Y/n...I’m going to take back Erebor. Not only because it's my birthright, but because I want to protect you from everything”.

Your heart skipped a beat, “Thorin that’s-”.

He hushed you, “We’ll speak of it later”. But that didn’t calm your worries.

He was quiet for a while. He ran his rough hands up and down your back and you were lost in the safe haven that was him.

“What did he do to you?”, his deep voice was thick with disdain and hate. 

Your grip on his tunic tightened, “Thorin..”, you silently plead with him to not make tell him any of this. “Y/n..what did he do to you?”, he asked more slowly but with a piercing note of determination. “Did he touch you?”, his voice wavered, “I know you don’t want to talk about this yet. But I need to know”.

You squeezed your eyes shut as a sob escaped your lips.

“So he did”, his pain and sadness was apparent in the way he said it.

“I won’t let him get away with this..with any of this”, anger dripped in his tone. You pulled back, “He’ll be back tomorrow and when he finds out I’m gone, he’ll flee the place”.

He stood up, “Bofur!”. You turned your head to see him walk over to you two.

“I need you to take Y/n back to Ered Luin”.

“What?”, you gasped wiping your tear stained cheeks, “I want to come with you”. You needed to see the light fade from Fallas’ eyes, you wanted to see him suffer for all he’s done to you.

“I won’t have you or the baby harmed”, he said sternly and a knot rose in your throat.

“Thorin’s right lass. They’ll be alright, I’ll take you home”, Bofur looked at you with that familiar twinkle in his eye.

“Thorin I need to tell you something”, you began with your hands shaking and mouth drying up.

He pulled you to your feet and grasped your shoulders,”I know. We have a lot to talk about. But you are right, we cannot delay longer. Go home, I will come back to you”, his eyes flickered to your lips but kissed your nose instead. You wanted to say it...get it over with, but how could you just blurt out something like this?

He picked up his sword which had been lying against the rocky wall of the cave. Strapping it around his waist he asked the others to come forth.

You bent and picked up his fur mantle and held it up for him to slip into. Once he did, you fastened the clasps and smoothed the fur.

“How will you get in? There’s only one door”.

“Don’t ye worry yer pretty little head about that”, Dwalin grunted while swinging his axe over his shoulder, “We’ll get in - door or no door”.

“We’ll have Olmeth’s help”, Thorin said heading towards the mouth of the cave.

“Get her home safe, Bofur”, he turned to look at you once more before untying his pony. Then he was gone. He was swallowed by the white storm with the others flaking him. 

You stood there with your hands nervously fiddling with the ripped seams of your skirt.

“Y/n?”, you fell back to earth with a start.

“Hm?”

“You’ve been standing there for quite some time now, lass”, he chuckled from his seat by the fire, “come eat something”.

You sat down next to him and took the bowl of stew from him and ate in silence for a while.

“How are you doing?”, you inquired.

He puffed on his pipe as he answered, “I am well. Still the same you left me. Though I can’t help but notice that the same cannot be said for you”, he looked somberly at your tired face - despite the sleep you'd just gotten. You knew he wasn’t talking about the physical injuries, his kind soul saw beyond that.

“I don’t know how anything would fall back into the way they used to be”, you sighed, letting go of your calm demeanour. 

“I understand, something of this sort takes time and a lot of support from good friends”, he paused to smile at you, “and to my knowledge you have plenty of both the things”.

A grateful smile ghosted your lips, “I know. But Bofur...it’s also coming to accept _myself_ and the things..I did. I-”, you shook your head. You weren’t ready, you couldn’t voice your feelings just yet, not even to a friend.

“When you’re ready lass, we’ll be here to listen. And _no one_...not a single one of us thinks any less of you for anything you did to survive. This wasn’t your fault”. You bowed your head in gratitude. 

You ate the rest of your food before asking about Avila and Dis.

“They’ve been worried witless. It took Thorin, Gloin and Turil to talk Avila out of coming with us. Believe me, it took everything Dis had to keep from putting up a fight herself, but given her condition she knew it wouldn’t do much good for any of us”.

You laughed, fond memories flooding your mind.

“It’s been quiet without you. Everyone’s been miserable, but Thorin...I’ve never seen a man so lonesome and wretched”. The mere thought sent your tummy twisting.

“I’ve missed all of you too”, you said placing a hand on his.

He gave you a light squeeze before digging in his bag.

“Get comfortable, the storm will last till the morning”, he said handing you a fur blanket of your own

You wrapped it around yourself and leaned against the wall.

“I swear I saw Azog out there”, you said remembering the life threatening encounter. 

“You couldn’t have”, he said softly, “He was killed in the battle of Azanulbizar, Thorin severed his arm himself”. You knew the story all too well. But you knew what you saw, and you were just as uncomfortable with dismissing it as a mere figment of your imagination as you were with accepting his survival.

“What if he survived?”, you asked lowering your voice.

“If indeed survived, we’ll know. He wouldn’t rest till us Durin folk are dead so we’ll hear word of his lurkings and such”, he said shaking his head.

“But I am telling you right now”, you argued.

“Lass”, he hesitated, “I pray you won’t take this the wrong way..but when we found you...well..”, he rubbed the back of his neck, “You weren’t exactly in the best of conditions..”.

You held your head up high, “what are you saying?”.

“You could have been seeing things...you probably associated wargs with Azog?”, he tried to find an explanation. You weren’t mad at him for coming to that conclusion; you had escaped the keep of your rapist, wandered in a freezing storm for hours on end and nearly lost a leg to a pack of wargs. You said no more for a while, lost in thought.

“Bofur?”, you yawned, “did you find a dwarrowdam you fancy?”.

He laughed heartily, “No, I’m afraid not. I haven’t had the time to pursue anyone. Besides, I’m not that good with the ladies. Why do you ask?”.

“You’re going to make some lucky girl very happy one day”, you smiled.

A light blush coloured his cheeks, “Well I don’t know about that, but right now I’d like to prolong that smile on your face”, he said reaching for his handheld harp.

He gave it a light strum, “I know you like the lyre, but this would have to do for now”, he plucked the strings forming the beautiful notes of one of your favourite songs. Your head felt at ease as you heard music for the first time since Durin’s Day. The music was a slow beat and soothing tones that slowly lulled you to sleep.

* * *

A day later you stood before Thorin’s house. Nothing had changed, the rich blue door still stood on the porch and the house still sloped down, running into the ground. Your old life.

“Well, go on then”, Bofur said with a grin.

You raised your hand to knock but before your knuckles hit the wood, two voices from the inside started squabbling. You cocked your head just before the door flung open with a very flushed Dis standing in the doorway, while Avila stood on her tiptoes in the back trying to peer over Dis.

“I knew it was you!”, Dis cried in relief and happiness. Her eyes were glistening as she flung her arms around you.

“Ooof!”, her weight was unexpected and knocked you back, but Bofur was there to lightly push you forward. Avila threw herself into the mix as well, “Oh, Y/n!! We’ve missed you so!”.

You hugged back, a laugh breaking free.

They pulled back and Dis had your face in her hands, turning and examining it with a worried look. She saw the bruises and cuts but resolved to just giving you a sorrowful twitch of her lips and an invitation to enter, for lack of better words.

“Lass. I’ll be out and about, just give me a shout if you need me”, Bofur said with a tip of his hat.

“Thank you”, you said smiling at him before stepping into the house.

The sitting room provided that much craved feeling of home and the safety of a friendly house.

“Let me just move my things”, Avila said rushing to the sofa where pillows and bedding lay strewn. 

“She stayed over to keep me company”, Dis said picking some of Avila’s clothes up off the floor. 

“Amad!”, you heard little Gimli squeal from behind the sofa.

“What are you doing back there little one?”, Avila asked fishing around over the backrest of the sofa and scooping him up in her arms.

“Oh!”, you crooned, happy to see him. He threw you a bright smile as Avila placed him in your arms.

“Y/n!”, he smiled. You lightly bounced him in your arms while walking over to the sofa to sit down. As much as you were happy to see his sweet innocent face again, you couldn’t ignore the pang of sadness you felt when you remembered your loss. When Avila handed him a wooden toy he settled into your lap and got lost in his imagination. 

“Y/n?”, Avila looked at you questioningly.

You took a deep breath and began catching up.

* * *

Three days passed by with no sign of Thorin or the others but this didn’t scare you. On the sixth day, a little worry began to settle in.

“Bofur, do you think they were captured?”, you asked looking up from your needlepoint work. He sat in the kitchen with you and Dis, whittling a chunk of wood into a bear while Dis read her book.

“I wouldn’t worry about them too much lass. They’re taking on other dwarves not a hoard of orcs”, he gave you a fond smile, “These things take time though”.

SIghing, you dropped your face into your hands, “I shouldn’t have let him gone without me”.

“How could you have possibly have defended him?”, Dis asked amused.

You looked up and narrowed your eyes at her, “I put this idea into his head, the least I could do is have gone with him”.

“He would have gone had you brought up the other lasses or not. He was very determined to give you justice, Y/n”, Bofur said picking at a stubborn splinter on the bear. 

“Oh, would you look at that!”, Dis said slamming her book shut in annoyance. You glanced up at her in surprise to see her looking out the kitchen window, “It started bloody snowing again! I’ve just about had it with living above ground. We never had to deal with this nasty snow business in Erebor!”, she got up and violently stirred the soup she was letting steep over the fire.

Bofur raised his eyebrows at you and you stifled a giggle, but you did agree with her. Snow was quite inconvenient.

“Your sudden outburst wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Turil won’t able to leave Nogrod with the snow coming down, now would it?”, you smirked. She sighed.

“I haven’t seen him in three weeks. He hasn’t written me. What if he’s dead? What if he’s with someone else?”, her voice quaked.

“Now hold on a minute, Dis!”, you said taking the spoon from her hand and setting it down, “Take a deep breath. He’s doing no such thing”, you assured her.

Bofur chuckled admiring his bear, “Ah, I hear pregnant women are prone to all sorts of emotional turmoil”.

Dis shot him a withering look to which he cheekily grinned.

“I know it can be hard. But Turil will come back when he can. And raven don’t fly well in the snow, you must be patient”, you said making her sit down and tending to the soup yourself.

“I know you’re right. Sometimes...reason leaves me in the blink of an eye”, she admitted throwing a glance at Bofur.

“I’m surprised you don’t seem to be having any of these problems”, she said smoothing her dress over the heavy baby bump, “Lucky”. An empty feeling rose in the pit of your stomach as your heart sped up; if this was luck, you would have given anything to be unlucky.

“This is done”, you said tapping the spoon on the side of the pot and laying it down. 

“I think I’ll take a bath before dinner. I’m not that hungry anyway”, you said feeling the need to be alone all of a sudden. “I’ll set the table”, Bofur offered cheerfully. “Don’t be long now, the food will get cold”, Dis retorted.

You entered the room you share with Thorin and shut the door. Facing the room you realised that you were hyperventilating. You had thought that you could get past this, that you were recovering. Walking over to the crib and kneeling by it, you sniffled your keep your eyes from watering. All the toys Thorin had bought for your child was heaped in a mountain in the crib and the delicate little clothes were folded neatly at the foot of it in piles. 

Unfolding one of the gowns you felt the guilt seep through the wall you had built to contain it. You couldn’t help but feel that this was your fault..you should have taken better care of yourself. 

Clutching it to your chest you laid on your side in a ball and squeezed your eyes shut. And you finally let yourself feel the full wrath of your sadness.

* * *

After crying yourself to sleep on the floor, you woke up to the soft call of your name and a gentle caress. The room was dark, you had slept deep into the night. For weeks Fallas had haunted your dreams, his burning touch shook you awake while you screamed your voice sore. So it was no surprise you were dreaming o him again tonight when you were woken. You gasped opening your eyes feeling your skin damp with sweat.

You turned your head and found yourself gazing into Thorin’s eyes. You were sitting and had his face in your hands in the blink of an eye.

“You’re alright!”, you cried in relief.

“I am”, he smiled kissing your temple. The clouds outside the window parted and the light of the moon bathed the room in its cold light. You saw his face was dirty and patches of blood was drying on the side of his face and hair.

“Are you hurt?”, you asked looking closer and down at his body.

“No, it’s not my blood”, he said lightly. But you proceeded to push his mantle off his shoulders and inspected his blood stained tunic. “Maybe a few scratches”, he pulled your hands to his lips and kissed them, his lips were chapped and dry from the harsh winter winds. 

“We did it. Officials from Belegost will be informed of Fallas’ doings soon. His people will suffer for all of it because he is too dead to do it himself”, Thorin reached behind him and pulled out the dagger he had given you back in Erebor. You took it from and gazed at it; the edge of the blade had some dried blood on it, “He won’t hurt you ever again”, Thorin’s tone sounded flat and emotionless. 

You’ve been told revenge got you no satisfaction. But why did you feel a bit lighter? Maybe you wanted justice for the others...maybe you truly believed he was complete evil and that he deserved to die a thousand deaths. Whatever the case, you felt calmer.

You nodded your thanks, unable to voice your gratitude, “W-what of Olmeth and the other girls?”.

“Olmeth was killed before we could get there. The other guards turned on him for mutiny I suppose”, you were dismayed at the news, he had been a ray of light in the chasm of despair you were plunged into.

“The other prisoners were set free. Some chose to stay as witnesses for when the officials arrived. Many went in search of their homes”.

You flung your arms around him and buried your face in his hair, his arms encircled your body, “Y/n, Dis says you haven’t been eating. You ought to for yourself and the baby”. Your body tensed and he felt it.

“Y/n?”, he pulled back and looked at you questioningly while trailing his hands to your tummy. He looked down at his hands before looking up at you again.

“There is no baby”, you sobbed looking into his expectant eyes, “I lost it”, your strangled cries broke his heart. His first reaction was disbelief and in the moonlight you could see the color drain from his face.

“When?”, he managed to ask, his voice wavering.

“Back in..his keep”.

Thorin retrieved his hands and leaned forward, hiding his face in your lap. You tangled your fingers in his hair and bent down to rest your forehead on the back of his head. “I’m sorry”, your sobs were becoming more intense by the second.

“I’m sorry”, you repeated it as if it will somehow bring your baby back.

Thorin sat back up again, his face crestfallen but you could see that he doing his very best to be strong for your sake. “Amralime, you have nothing to apologize for”, he sounded exhausted, “ _I_ am sorry, it was my duty to protect you”, his eyes were glossy.

“I failed you”, he shut his eyes and drew shallow breaths, “You were mine to protect and mine to love. I let you slip right through my fingers”.

“I’m here”, you said clearing your mind and placing a hand on his.

He said nothing. 

“I promised myself that if I made it out, I would stay with you till I had our baby and I would leave you”, a faint expression of alarm crossed his face.

“Your queen shouldn’t..be someone like me”, you tried to form appropriate words, but your dry tongue failed you. 

“Someone like you?”, he repeated trying to fathom what on earth you were trying to say, “someone who’s the will stronger than a thousand men? Smarter than all the wise men of Arda? More beautiful than the first rays of the sun over the tops of the Misty Mountains? Someone who is the the very fabric of my soul?”, he tilted your head to make your gaze meet his.

“That’s who you are. That’s who I love, and who I want as my Queen”.

“But..I’m.. _damaged_ ”, you whimpered against his hand.

“So am I. Everyone is in one is one way or another. Strength is forged in adversity. But you are not defined by your past. I will stay by you and we will get through this together...if you’ll still have me?”, the corner of his mouth turned up slightly. 

You fell forward, your face hitting his hard chest as your hands rested on his pectorals, “Oh Thorin”, you mumbled into his tunic, “I don’t deserve you”.

“You deserve the world”, he lifted you in his arms and walked to the bed to lay you down. He sat next to you and brushed a few locks of your hair away from your teary face. “We have forever to try again”, he said trying to give you hope.

A smile graced your lips and it lifted his heart. 

“Kiss me”, you whispered. Thorin had refrained from kissing your lips since he found you and you hadn’t been in such a hurry to either. It was the guilt that ate away at the both of you and the self doubt. A spark in the depths of his cerulean orbs rekindled as you reached for him. His arms pulled you off the bed in a flash and held you close to his chest as his lips locked on yours unceremoniously. Your arms wound around his neck and your eyelids blissfully slid shut, letting yourself get lost in him.

First, his kisses were haphazard and urgent, demanding to taste every inch of your mouth like he would perish should he go another second without it. Then they slowed in to gentle caresses that conveyed his love and passion for you. You tasted his salty tears on his lips, the heady taste of tobacco and pipe weed and the unmistakable taste of _Thorin_. Your nails scraped against his scalp, ruffling his hair and releasing the scent of dried blood and sweat into the air. Breaking the kiss you peppered kisses along his beard and then the shell of his ear. “I love you Thorin Oakenshield”.

“And I you, my One”.

“Would you like me to draw you a bath? I can help you wash”, you offered.

He merely shook his head, “I’ll manage. What I need is for you to rest”, he pushed you back down against the pillow and pulled the bed covers over you to keep the chill out. 

“Don’t take too long, my love”, you said snugly from under the furs.

“I won’t”, he lit a fire in the fireplace and disappeared into the bathroom. but not before making sure the windows were locked securely.

You listened to the water running, the fire crackling a few feet away from you and the gentle howl of the wind outside while snowflakes pelted the window softly. Warmth surrounded you in your cocoon of blankets and furs and pretty soon Thorin slid in next to smelling like fir and clean linen. He kissed your lips one more time before wrapping his arm around you and pulling you close. He fell asleep at once, it was most likely the most peaceful sleep he’s had in along time - if he’s had any at all. 

You were content with watching his steady breathing, his calm, vulnerable air that shrouded him and the soft set of his lips. Your fingers ran over his bare chest, avoiding the scratches and a few gashes, all the while making a mental note to run to the apothecary in the morning to get something to soothe them with. You played with the smathering of hair on his pectorals before you were interrupted by Thorin’s abrupt snoring. You giggled affectionately and kissed his cheek which didn't stir him from his slumber; deep, throaty snores still rumbled from his chest. One of your hands found his that rested on his stomach, you caressed his stubby, work ridden fingers and tucked your head between his and his shoulder. 

And for once, you didn’t dream of Fallas. You dreamt of nothing.


	19. The Difference Between Frosting and Icing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorta kinda smut. XD I apologize for the typos and such cause I rushed this >.

The first buds of spring were peeking through the myriad of emerald green shoots. A light drizzle had dampened the fresh green trees and the stones of the porch you stepped on to. 

“How wonderful it is to hear the songs of birds again”, Avila commented coming up the path to your house.

“It truly is”, you smiled at her.

“Is everything ready? I don’t see no wagon. Are they running late?”, she asked concerned.

“The rain probably slowed them down a little. Come in, she’s expecting you”.

Slowly, you had slipped back into the groove of things, with lots of help from Thorin and your dear friends. Thorin discouraged the idea of getting your old job back at the tavern, instead he secured a job for you at the apothecary down the street where you worked with Oin as a herbalist. He took a great liking to your enthusiasm for knowledge and your knack for growing plants. In mere weeks you knew how to use over two hundred types of herbs, fungi, and shells. The proper extraction and preserving methods and how to retrieve honey and wax from a beehive without getting stung. 

“I hear your experiments with oyster shells was a success”, Avila said raising her eyebrows, “Who’d have thought crushed oyster shells could have such tremendous healing properties”

You shrugged, “I’ve been around quite a few oysters, it was a hunch”.

“Be careful Turil!”, Dis shrieked from her bedroom.

“Woman, I’m going to be deaf before we set foot out of this house”, Turil retorted carrying yet another chest of Dis’ things into the sitting room.

Turil had finally bought a house in the mountains of Nogrod. The thought of Dis leaving saddened you beyond grief but she’d be happier there with all the servants she could need and protection she and the baby required. 

“I wouldn’t need to yell, if you’d let Thorin help”, Dis said indignantly following him out. “Oh, wife of mine...I could lift ten of these without breaking a sweat”, he chuckled placing the chest down and pulling Dis into a warm embrace.

“Avila, please do come visit”, she said walking over to her.

“Of course, I must see if you are well taken care of”, Avila said throwing Turil a mocking smile to which he snorted playfully. 

“Here’s some things I baked for your trip up to the mountain”, Avila handed Dis a basket shielded by a cloth, she took it gratefully.

“I suppose that’s the wagon now”, Thorin said from his glum corner in the sitting room. He wasn’t happy to let his little sister go; it wasn’t a matter of trusting Turil, it was something that ran deeper than the being bound by blood.

He walked past you and out the door, accompanied by Turil.

Dis held her temples between her hands, “Do you think I should wait till the baby is born?”.

“Well, it’s too late now”, Avila said slowly.

“It’s just nerves”, you said taking her hands in yours, “There’s a whole year till the baby gets here. Next spring, I’ll come up to stay and take care of you”, Dis wiped the look of anxiety off her face and replaced it with a thankful smile.

“And you’ll be below ground. So no snow”, Avila added helpfully.

Dis laughed as two dwarves walked into the house to start packing the wagon. All three of you stepped outside to join Turil and Thorin who were in deep conversation with each other.

You stood next to Thorin while watching the dwarves load the wagon. For a small person, Dis sure did have a lot of things - mostly because Thorin made sure she was well tended to even with the little money he made. 

Once the wagon was all packed and the dwarves paid for their help, you pulled Dis into a hug.

“Write me often”, you mumbled trying to contain your emotions.

“I will”, she blubbered before giving Avila a hug as well. She moved to Thorin where he stood with his arms crossed and eyes burning craters into the ground.

“I expect an invitation to your wedding soon”, she sniffed trying to make light of the situation. 

His eyes shifted to meet hers, “I still think you oughtn’t go till the baby is born”.

“Stop your bellyaching Thorin”, Dis said sternly, “It’s only a day’s ride, you’re just going to miss me”, she smiled smugly while wiping her tears.

“Aye. Whoever is going to boss me about now?”, he cracked a wry smile in an attempt to cast his gloominess aside.

“Don’t you worry about that, I’ve given Y/n strict instructions on how to”, she said wrapping her arms around her brother. Thorin embraced her back. You smiled adoringly at the sensitive moment. 

“Fine. Go, I hope for fair weather and pleasant travels for you little sister”, Thorin said placing a hand on her shoulder. She bowed her head and let Turil help her onto the front of the wagon. Turil hopped on next to her and urged the ponies into a trot.

“Don’t fall off!”, Thorin called out harshly to which Dis rolled her eyes and waved at the three of you. You stood outside till the rolling wagon was a mere spec in the distance.

“Well, I must be getting back to Gimli. I left him with Gloin, and who knows what sort of damnification they both are upto”, Avila said looking a little horrified.

“You best be off then”, you laughed. She bowed her head and hurried down the path. You turned to go inside with Thorin walking next to. Stepping inside, you immediately felt that something was missing.

“It sure is quiet without her”, you commented sadly.

Thorin chuckled, “Without a doubt”.

You smacked his shoulder playfully.

“What do you say you come with me to the forge today? It would be be better than staying home alone”, Thorin proposed flopping down on the couch and pulling his boots off to swap them for his work boots. 

You considered it, “Wouldn’t I be a distraction?”.

“Yes. The best kind of distraction”.

You grinned, “Let me just put on something more appropriate”, you said looking down at your floral print dress.

Retiring to your room, you rummaged around in one of the chests and pulled out some pants and a chemise. You laid them down and pulled at the lacing of your dress. Slipping it off your shoulders and on to the floor, you reached for your pants and stopped short when you caught a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror over the dresser.

The bruises had faded and all that remained were deep scars that marred your once perfect skin. You ran a finger over one of the scars just under your neck. The fact that you could remember the details of how every single one of your scars came about. The memory of pain and humiliation never abandoned you. Your fingers slipped down over one of the longer scars between your breasts that ended over your belly button. A soft sigh left you.

“Y/n?”.

You jumped, seizing a nearby robe and shielding yourself as best as you could.

“Thorin!”, you gasped, “what are you doing here?”.

“It’s my room too”, he said quietly while sauntering over to you. You stepped back and collided with the dresser behind you. “Thorin, I’ll only be a minute more”, you stuttered trying to avoid his gaze. You felt guilty for having shied away from his intimacy, but he seemed to have understood and never pushed you into doing anything. You permitted kissing and the small caresses he so affectionately gave you, but you hadn’t the courage to go any further.

He slowly reached for your shoulders, you held onto the robe with all your strength. He very gently pulled you into his arms, pressing you against his chest, “why do you hide from me?”, he whispered into your hair.

“I can’t bear it. Don’t turn me away, the one who loves you the most in this accursed world”, he kissed your ear and trailed his hands down your bare arms, over the smathering of half moon scars left behind by fingernails. Your whole body stiffened.

“I-I..I’m not..”, you whimpered against his chest. No, this wasn’t fair. You weren’t being fair or rational. You were to be his wife and you couldn’t deny him the pleasures of the marriage bed, he was a living being with needs. And for so long he’s complied to giving you time and space to heal. You trusted him more than you trusted yourself. But your body...

“I’m afraid”, you confessed.

“Of me?”, he asked with a hint of pain in his words.

You shook your head as you pulled back, still holding the robe to your chest.

“Tell me..show me, make me understand”, he said looking into your eyes.

You took a deep breath and let the robe slide down just above your breasts, exposing your chest to him. His eyes travelled over the bared skin, once he had inspected every inch that was made available to his eyes, he glanced back at your face, “I don’t understand”.

Your cheeks burned as you were forced to voice your deepest fear, “I’m not beautiful enough for you anymore”, you voice shook with emotion.

“Amralime...”, he breathed in disbelief, “you think your scars make you less desirable to me?”, it was a rhetorical question but you found yourself nodding while looking down at your feet.

“Nothing could make you less desirable in my eyes, my love. You are just as beautiful as the day I fell in love with you, my desire for you still drives me to the brink of madness”, his finger under your chin redirected your gaze at him, “If you felt otherwise, then the fault is mine. Let me rectify it”. He held your face between his hands and claimed your lips in a heated kiss, your eyelids fluttered shut and your body laxed in bliss. He broke it just as you felt your legs being to falter.

“Show me all of you”, his breath fanned your cheek, raising gooseflesh while his husky tone stirred embers in your core you had thought had been put out long ago.

You barely hesitated as you stepped back and let the robe fall off your body onto the floor. Holding your arms by your sides you looked up at him. His eyes ran down your body, following every curve, drinking your beauty in. Eyes full of awe, he reached out to you. Your hand met his and guided him to your tummy, your hand covered his and slid it up along your skin till the swell of your breast stopped anymore movement. He shut his eyes, his breathing became uneven and he leaned in to rest his forehead against yours.

Slight increase in force swept his hand over onto your breast, his breath hitched in his throat. You waited for him to take command, but he didn’t move.

“Touch me Thorin”, you whispered.

He opened his eyes to find you looking expectantly at him. His fingers contracted around your flesh, his warm skin enveloping your breast with tenderness. A satisfied sigh left your parted lips.

He bent his head and kissed you, lightly suckling your lip while wrapping his free arm around your waist, pulling you close once more. His hand trailed up your spine and rested on the nape of your neck. He was enjoying your body and you knew this for a fact when his arousal brushed against your thigh.

Thorin made this about you. He pleased you over and over again, and you rediscovered the pleasure of being made love to. How good being touched by the one you lost your heart to felt..it blurred the lines between heaven and earth.

You fell back against the bed, breathing hard but not yet fully sated. His taut biceps rippled as he crawled up to you on the bed. You lazily pulled at his pants, the only article of clothing left on his body - you wanted to free his aching manhood. His hand grasped yours:

“No. Not today”, he pinned your arm down on the bed next to your head and brought his mouth down on your neck, nibbling and sucking a path down down your belly, you held your breath in anticipation. He placed a hot kiss just above your opening. You raised your hips, offering yourself to him.

“Take me”, you begged, not once breaking eye contact. 

“I don’t want to rush you. I think this is enough for today”.

“No. It’s alright, I need you”, your eyes plead with his cautious ones, a moan bubbled in his throat. He couldn’t deny you when you were sprawled out on his bed, flushed, wet and pleading so sweetly. He gave a barely noticeable nod - at least you hoped it was a nod. He crawled on top of you and sat upright without putting any weight on you.

Your hand reached for the laces of his pants, instead of untying them you slid your hand down over the bulge that was straining against the fabric. You cupped it and gave it a quick tight squeeze.

“Oh, Y/n..”, he groaned as his head fell back, black hair tumbling around his shoulders, his body shaking, You gave it another fond caress to see his adam’s apple rise and fall as he swallowed another moan. You knew it would be cruel to tease him any longer, you pulled the laces undone and pushed his pants off his hips. His length curved up against his belly, throbbing and begging for attention. He looked down at your lustful eyes, the way you arched your back, inviting him to claim you had him gritting his teeth to restrain himself from ramming into you right then. 

He took his time making sure you were comfortable and never rushed anything. When he filled you, it was heavenly - you saw lights spotting behind your eyelids, a loud moan amidst a string of gasps for air had Thorin seizing all movement.

“Did I hurt you?”, he asked concerned.

You shook your head, “No, no. keep going..please”, your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him close to make him drive further into you. 

“Don’t”, he growled, “I don’t want want to lose myself”. “Not going to hurt you”, he grunted while fully sheathing himself in you at a maddeningly slow pace. 

“Let go”, you moaned in his ear, “I trust you. I am yours”. He didn’t disappoint, he made love to you like he was taking you for the first time. Thorin was gentle and careful but at the same time passionate. When he spilled inside you, his growls and sinful cursing mixed with the warmth in your womb sent your over the edge, clinging onto his strong body, trembling and crying out to him.

He fell next to you, equally spent and exhausted. You cuddled next to him while he kissed your damp forehead then hid his face in your hair.

“You can’t sleep”, you giggled, “You’re already late for work”. Thorin sighed into your skin.

“I suppose I need a bath now, I don’t want to keep you waiting”, you said sitting up, “I’ll come to the forges when I’m done”.

“Hmm”, Thorin pulled you back down onto the bed and kissed your lips.

* * *

Thorin had left a while ago and you had just stepped out of the bathtub with a smile on your lips and a spring in your step. Throwing on the outfit you had picked out earlier, you sat in front of the mirror and dried your hair while humming a tune. You could finally look at your reflection in the mirror without feeling remorseful or uneasy.

You were just about to rebraid your hair when you heard something like a faint knock on the front door. Thinking twice about ignoring it, you walked out of the room and up to the front door to open it.

Your mouth fell agape and your eyes widened in disbelief when you saw who it was.

“Roh!”, you gasped as he smiled bashfully.

“I wasn’t sure if this was the right house”, she fumbled for words.

Without a word you hugged her, “You got out”, you sighed in relief having often wondered what had become of her. 

“I did”, she smiled once you pulled back and invited her in. 

“What are you doing here?”, you asked unable to think of a better question.

Roh was looking around in amazement and pure curiosity from her place on an armchair, “Well, after we were freed, I stayed back with a few of the others to confirm the events that took place in there”, she said with the cheerful spark vanishing from her eyes.

“My parents died the night I was taken and do not remember any of my relatives. I didn’t know where else to go”, she said meeting your gaze, “I waited out the winter in the keep and I headed out a few days ago. I remembered one of the rescuers saying that they were from a town South of here and figured they were your friends. I didn’t exactly know how far south he meant but this is the first town I happened upon. It didn’t take a lot of asking around to find your house”, she grinned.

“I understand that Thorin, the prince you spoke of, was the one who lead the attack”. you nodded, “Where is he now? I wish to thank him and offer him my loyalty”.

“He will return in the evening”, you said brushing her comment off and turning to more serious matters, “Do you have any money? A place to stay?”.

“The officials gave us a few gold coins for our cooperation, I hope it will last me a while till I find some work”.

“You can stay here”, you offered.

“I appreciate the offer, but I cannot”

“You are a dear friend and the reason I am alive today, I insist”, you pressed.

“I do not wish to burden anyone, I think living on my own is the best way to learn and experience the world I’ve missed out on”, she shrugged.

You wanted to changer her mind, but it was her choice and all you could do was help her, “Is the world everything you hoped it would be?”, you asked gently.

“It’s a lot different from what I remember it to be - but then again I was very young...it was so long ago”, she shook her head, “It’s beautiful. There’s wonder and enchantment around every corner. My walk here was...unbelievable”, she said her eyes sparkling again.

You laughed, “I understand the feeling of loving the outdoors more than the indoors”. Her eyebrows shot up, “Oh, I do love your house. It is so extravagant”, you wondered what she’d make of Erebor if she ever did see it.

“We could go outside, if you want”, you smirked.

“Yes?”, she sounded excited.

Seeing Roh wading in the wet grass, completely ignoring the path was like watching Gimli having his first encounter with a windup toy. She bent down to examine a ladybug on a tulip, quiet as a mouse she gently touched it with her finger only to watch it fly away, startled.

Roh did a doubletake when she saw Bofur tip his hat to you as he walked down the road, probably on business.

“That hat..I know you!”, she said a little too loudly. Bofur stopped and cocked his head before his eyes widened in recognition. He walked up to the both of you, “Lass, I’m glad to see you alright”. You put two and two together and figured he was the one who told her to go south.

“What are you doing here?”, he echoed your question from before.

“She’s my friend. My only friend. I didn’t know where else to go”, Roh said throwing you a glance.

He took his hat off and bowed, “Bofur, at your service”.

“Roh”, she lightly curtsied.

“Bofur”, you said suddenly, “is that job at the bakery still open?”.

“I suppose. I could drop by and inquire about it”, he said a little confused.

“She needs to work if she’s going to live here”, you explained.

“Y/n..I don’t know the first thing about baking..or cooking”.

“It’s simple lass, rule number one: don’t sweat into the dough while kneading it”, Bofur said with a grin.

You threw him a horrified look, “That’s disgusting”. Roh snorted with laughter.

“Aye, I’ve seen it happen at the bakery behind ol’ Garhet’s house. It’s enough to put you off bread”. Well, you no longer will be going there again.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Avila and I will teach you before you apply for the job. It shouldn’t take long”.

“If memory serves, it’s an apprenticeship”, Bofur said thoughtfully, “I’m assuming that knowing the basics would be enough and there is no competition to get into baking nowadays”.

Roh gave a confident nod.

“I’m headed that way now, you could come with me”, Bofur offered.

“Hm, I suppose I could”, she smiled, “Y/n? Care to join us?”.

You shook your head, “I’ll fetch Avila and set up the kitchen to teach you how to bake when you get back”. 

“I won’t be long”, she said following Bofur.

* * *

You sat in the living room flipping through a book of recipes while Avila instructed Roh in the kitchen. 

“Roh...what on earth did you flavor the cake with? Taste this”, you heard Avila’s shrill voice.

“Oh. I used..oh no, these bottles look exactly alike!”, Roh whined in her defence.

“Vetch plant extract? Really now, didn’t you smell it when you poured it in? You must have your wits about at all times in the kitchen, else you’d lose a finger or set the whole house ablaze”, Avila lectured. You meant to throw the vial of vetch plant extract out but it had slipped your mind so you felt that you were to blame partially.

The two had gotten on well, but Avila didn’t take teaching anything lightly. She strived for perfection. “Start over. This time try to keep from spilling the batter everywhere”. You giggled at how bossy such a small dwarrowdam could be. 

The front door opened and Thorin stepped in bringing some of the evening air with him. “You’re home early”, you smiled.

“I left early because you didn’t show up after saying you would. I was worried”, he said looking mildly irritated.

“I’m sorry, but Roh showed up at our doorstep, I couldn’t just leave her”, you explained. he was quiet for awhile, most likely trying to remember who Roh is.

“I was trying to get her ready for her job”.

“She’s staying?”, Thorin asked which surprised you - he usually didn’t give a toss about people’s doings. “Her apprenticeship comes with room and board, yes she’s staying in this town”.

He looked down at the book you held in your hands, “Do you think that’s wise?”, you lowered your eyebrows.

“Wouldn’t she be a reminder of everything bad that happened?”, he asked cautiously.

“No. She’ll remind me of the good that’s still in the world. The kindness”.

“I’m just thinking of you”, Thorin said apologetically.

“I know. I love that you care, but she’s alone in this world. You’ll like her”.

He sat next to you and took the book from your hands and flipped past pictures of cakes and pastries, “What are you doing”, he asked curiously.

“Y/n, did you find the recipe for dragontail pastries?”, Avila called walking into the the sitting room.

“Yes, but I didn’t find the recipe for gooseberry frosting though”.

“Well Thorin did”, she said holding her hand out for the book.

“Hm?”, Thorin was clearly not paying attention as he handed it to her.

“I thought that was icing”, you said confused.

Avila rolled her eyes, “It’s a stark difference Y/n”.

You threw your hands up in defeat, “I don’t care for either. I like my cakes to be dressed in whipped cream”. Thorin gave a light chuckle. You lightly jabbed him in his side when Avila turned to leave.

* * *

It was almost a year later, Dis’ baby was due in two month and you had travelled to Nogrod with Thorin and the rest. Why did everyone go? Because you were getting married.

It wasn’t a huge celebration, it was for your close friends and to finally unite as one. Thorin decided that he wanted to have it above ground in a field in the valley and when he reclaimed Erebor, he wanted to give you a grander celebration within the walls of his ancestors. A subject he’s been bringing up quite a lot in the past few months. Whenever he did, you tried to keep the conversations brief, the last thing you wanted was to have him running off on a fool’s errand to fight a dragon. You were content with your life - you desired no gems or gold. You had everything you’ve always wanted: your One.

Your guests surrounded you in a circle as you stood at two ends of the circle. Like tradition demanded, you made your own gown. It was fashioned using off-white lace and fell around your white silk kirtle. You wore a simple flower crown made with peonies, daisies and sprigs. Thorin wore a royal blue tunic with his house sigil embroidered on the back, he had a section of his hair tied back away from his face and it lit up his grinning face. 

Balin stood in front of you ready to begin the ceremony, as you didn’t have a father he had offered to do it. It was a beautiful day to get married; the trees were at their greenest, the flowers were in full bloom and birds chirped around you while the occasional butterfly fluttered past you.

Balin began to recite the zarb and once he finished, you both met at the center of the circle and Thorin circled you and your guests cheered at his promise to protect you in his halls.

“Thorin, do you accept Y/n in your halls and do you promise to guard and love her for the rest of your life?”, Balin asked. Thorin knelt and accepted. He stood and took your hands in his and you two recite the seven blessings before moving on to the vows.

“Ni dûmê zasamkhihiya zahar, ni kurduzi zâmkhihi azhâr. (In my Halls you will find a house, in your heart I will find a home.)”, Thorin said fondly.

“Ni dûmzu zâmkhihi zahar, ni kurdumê zasamkhihi azhâr. (In your Halls I will find a house, in my heart you will find a home.)”, you replied a light blush reaching your cheeks.

Balin handed Thorin the ring you had worn for so long; his mother’s ring. The band had etchings claiming to belong to the Durin’s folk so now you were truly a Durin when he slid it up your finger. Next you take the simple gold band from Balin and slip it onto Thorin’s finger, it must be void of any of your house’s marking to symbolize that you leave everything behind to be accepted into his clan. 

You undid the courting braid in his hair and instead braided the locks of hair on either side of his head just over his ears. He put two in places you couldn’t reach - so only he could braid them.Once you downed the pint of “marriage-ale”, the ceremony was complete and the people cheered, throwing flowers at the happy newlyweds. 

Usually, the ceremony is followed by a seven day long feast but you had to cut it short to a day. The day was spent in much joy and happiness. Much merrymaking happened: dancing, drinking and eating in copious amounts was something dwarves instinctively knew how to do - and do it well they did.

You rested your feet while sitting next to Dis and watching the others dance and chatter drunkenly. Tapping your feet to the beat of the music you threw Thorin a smile as a dwarf clapped him on his back. He grinned from ear to ear, you rarely see him exhibit such emotion so carefreely, he even accepted Avila’s offer to dance and you watched him spin her around and dance lively.

Roh walked over to the both of you and presented a generous piece of cake, “Whipped cream, no frosting or icing”, she smiled. You accepted with a laugh, “My thanks”. She had grown into a great baker and offered to do most of the baking for your wedding. 

“You shouldn’t enable me”, Dis whined, “I’ve almost had two whole cakes already. Not to mention the pastries and..dear god, I ate a whole leg of boar”, she groaned between mouthfuls of cake. “It was only one leg”, Roh comforted.

“It was the size of my head”, Dis cried. You smiled in sympathy, “Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re pregnant...you’re allowed to eat”.

“This is not the baby”, she said running a hand over a tummy, “this is fat”, she said sadly.

“Nonsense”, Turil said coming up behind her, “You’re beautiful”, he said kissing her. Dis wrinkled her nose, “And you’re drunk”. 

“That, I am, milady”, he slurred, “But that doesn’t make you any less alluring”, he plopped a sloppy kiss on her neck. “Care to dance?”, he asked.

“No. I’m supposed to stay off my feet for the most part. Y/n, are you going to finish that cake?”, you didn’t get to reply when Dis screamed. Turil was carrying her in his arms and was swaying gently to the music, “Put me down you clod! You’re gonna kill us three”. Turil laughed, “There’s no way I will drop you”.

Dis sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder, “You look a damn fool”, she said it lovingly.

“ _We_ look like damn fools”, he grinned.

“You look like you’re envious, my love”, you jumped when you realised Thorin was standing right next to you. “Would you like me to carry you as well?”, he asked kneeling down on one knee, he smiled sweetly at you. 

You smirked, “You can carry me back to our room later”.

He hummed under his breath which sounded like a growl, “I look forward to it”.

* * *

A month and a half later you were in Dis’ room, holding her hand while her screams split through the night. A midwife and two healers were summoned to and they were hard at work; burning herbs, making her drink things and tracking her contractions. You were there for moral support while Turil paced the halls outside in quite a state. Thorin had to go back to the town to resume work at the forge but he would be sent for soon.  
“You’re doing so well, DIs”, you praised while dabbing her sweaty forehead with a wet washcloth.

“I’m going to die!”, she whimpered after releasing a guttural screech. “Hush now, you are not! That’s not what the Dis I know would say”.

“That’s because the last contraction killed her”, you cringed as she yelled a curse involving the bumhole of a goat.

“He’s never spilling in me again!”, she barked in anger while clutching your hand.

“My lady, you have to push now”, the midwife said from between Dis’ legs.

And after thirteen hours of labor, she pushed the little bundle of joy out in less than half an hour. The cries of the new baby were heard echoing down the halls of the house. 

The midwife handed you the baby wrapped in a soft piece of cloth, you swallowed the knot in your throat and quickly handed the baby to the very eager mother. 

“It’s a boy”, the midwife said.

“Oh!”, Dis cooed over him, holding him delicately. “He’s perfect”.

Turil pushed the doors open and when his eyes fell on the baby, he breathed a sigh of relief before hurrying over to the bedside.

“Meet our son”, Dis smiled.

“Son? I knew it’d be a son”, he grinned running a hand over the wee baby’s tuft of blond hair, “He’s perfect”.

“That’s what I said”, Dis said sniffling.

“Well, we don’t have a name for him”, Turil said gazing in awe at him.

“Y/n..”, you were startled out of your little daydream about having a little one of your own. 

“Remember when we were still in Erebor, I asked you what you’d name your son?”, Dis smiled softly.

“You remember that?”, you asked surprised.

“Of course. You said you’d name him Fili. May I name him that? He looks so much like a Fili”.

You felt a little tug on your heartstrings. When you were pregnant you knew the chances of having a boy were a lot higher than having a girl, so you were set on naming him Fili. But once you lost him, you couldn’t name your next child that; even if he never lived, he will always have a place in your heart. Dis wanting to name her baby Fili was different from you naming another one of your children that. This was he would be out in the world, a little part of him at least.

“I would be honored Dis”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the wedding customs from the [Dwarrow Scholar.]()  
> And your scars are beautiful - physical or emotional. Embrace them because you're beautiful nonetheless. :) <3  
> Much love you guys <3


	20. Bittersweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, I know this is long overdue..I’m not the best blogger or the best multitasker. I hope you enjoy the last chapter and find it in your heart to forgive me XD Also this is one heck of a long chapter.

"Fili!”, you cried chasing after the little dwarfling, “If you don’t get back here right now, I’m going to tell your Amad!”. A mischievous laugh bubbled out of Fili as he dodged your dive for him.

“Y/N!”, Thorin thundered when he stepped into the room and saw you running about. You froze in your tracks.

“How many times have I told you to rest”, he upbraided angrily while stomping across the room over to you, “You shouldn’t tire yourself”, he gently pushed you on to an armchair. 

“I’m not tired”, you said trying to steady your labored breath, “besides, you scaring me isn’t going to help me rest either”, you smirked.

“I wouldn’t have to if you’d just do what I ask you to”, he grumbled.

You sighed in defeat, “Fili refuses to take his medicine”, a soft giggle was heard from under a table. Fili tried to make a break for his room. He had to run past you when he was scooped up by Thorin.

“I’ll have none of that”, Thorin said while grabbing the spoonful of fish oil and stuck it in Fili’s mouth. “If you are to be a good warrior, you must grow strong”, Thorin smirked at Fili’s scrunched up face before setting him down on your lap.

You wrapped your arms around the little darling and brought him as close to you as your swollen tummy would allow. “Aunt Y/n! Let’s go outside”, he said smacking his lips to rid it of the awful taste. 

“I said if you behaved and drank your medicine, we could go outside. You didn’t behave now did you?”, you asked raising an eyebrow.

“No”, Fili said quietly while Thorin ducked into the kitchen. Fili reached up and touched your cheek, “I don’t like how it tastes. It’s difficult to be good when it tastes so awful”, he said looking regretful. You stifled a laugh as you cradled him in your arms and placed him on the floor before standing up yourself.

“Come on”, you held your hand out to him, “Let’s go down to the sea”.

He squealed in delight as he dragged reached for your hand.

“Fili, drink this”, Thorin handed a cup to the little lad, “Orange juice”.

Fili thankfully gulped it down to drown out the aftertaste of the medicine.

“Come with us? We’re going to the beach by my old house”, you said cheerfully.

“Is that wise? You shouldn’t be walking long distances”.

“The baby isn’t due for two whole years and it’s a peaceful walk. Besides, I promised Fili a trip to the beach when he got here”, you said making puppy dog eyes at your husband. 

“Pwease, uncle?”, Fili joined you.

Thorin scowled at his boots before sighing, “I suppose it’s alright if you take a few breaks”. Your face lit up at the thought of a walk after being stuck inside for so long. Ever since you told him that you were pregnant, he had gone to great pains to make sure you stayed off your feet as much as possible and indoors. He made you comfortable, he brought you books, art supplies and flowers regularly. He even cooked for you. Despite your protests, he pampered you to extremes. His efforts weren’t unwelcome of course, but you were perfectly capable of walking down the road without hurting the baby. The only thing he permitted to do was some of the light work at Oin’s apothecary where you worked. You spent some of the time harvesting plants and mixing ingredients for his experiments.

You walked in silence for awhile, just admiring the town and then the tranquility as the houses thinned out indicating the outskirts.

Fili skipped along ahead while you intertwined your fingers in Thorin’s and followed. 

“Fili, slow down”, Thorin warned and the little one obeyed by stopping at a rotting log and inspecting it while you caught up.

“It’s been so long since we went for a stroll together”, you mused watching the the wind ruffle the tall grass on either side of the winding path.

“That’s because you’re safer in the house”, Thorin stated plainly.

“Are you saying I’m not safe out here with you by my side?”, you asked teasingly.

“No”, he said slowly while trying not to preen too much. You laughed and placed a quick kiss on his shoulder.

“How did Fili’s lessons go yesterday? I quite forgot to ask”, you said looking fondly at the pouncing blond head before you.

“He has Durin blood in him, that much is certain”, he smirked, “He took a shining to all sorts of weapons”.

“Weapons Thorin?!”, you cried in horror, “He’s only a wee lad! Barely twenty one”. 

“I didn’t let him play with them”, he said defensively, “I showed him the types of weapons he could learn to wield one day but we stuck to sparring with the wooden swords”.

“Is that the..sea?”, Fili called over the sound of the crashing waves. He came to a halt as if he was afraid of the object of his anticipation. It was understandable, many dwarves don’t encounter the sea in their lives, mostly because they didn’t sail west and they dwelt underground and fished in streams. Had you not left Erebor, you yourself wouldn’t have seen it either.

“See? I didn’t need to take a break”, you said smugly. Thorin merely grunted without bringing up the fact that you had taken double the usual time it takes to get here. 

“Well come on then”, Thorin said hoisting Fili on to his shoulders and walking towards the beach. You glanced at your old house in the distance which was now inhabited by a newly wed couple from the Grey Mountains. Although you cherished the memories you had made there, you cannot say you missed it.

Fili held on to Thorin’s braids and looked on in awe at the stretch of sea that glittered under the rays of the evening sun. The sea was calm today and the gentle waves licked the golden sands as it brought with it the smell of salt and a gentle breeze. Thorin kicked off his boots near a boulder and discarded Fili’s too before venturing in towards the water. He lifted Fili off his shoulders and held him just over the waves.

Fili’s gaze was transfixed on the rolling waters. Curiously he stuck his tiny foot out and dipped it into the cold water letting out a happy gasp. Thorin let him stand on his own all the while holding on to his hand. Fili grew bolder by the second and pretty soon he was comfortable playing in the waves as if it were his bathtub back at home. Picking up your skirts you waded in the water next to your husband. 

The water was pleasantly cold against your skin and the sand soft under your feet.

“Good riddance”, Thorin mumbled under his breath.

“Huh?”, you asked looking away from the waves and searching his face. He was looking off into the distance at what you could make out to be an elven ship probably from the port at the edge of the Grey Havens.

You half smiled and gave him a slight jab in his bicep. 

“Aren’t you at least a little envious?”, you asked watching the white ship growing smaller by the second. Your question was met by a bewildered look, “ _Envious_? Of _them_?”.

You graciously took the pale pink seashell Fili handed you before rushing to explain, “I mean, they get to live forever in a magical place - happily and with the Valar. Aren’t you curious as to what it’s like? They know their afterlife..do we?”.

“Not too far, Fili”, he called out. “I would hope it’s next to you, far, far away from those pixies”. Thorin was never the sort of person to worry too much about the afterlife.

“Or maybe the pixies are right and our souls will turn to stone from which we were made”, you sounded very pessimistic.

“I bet they’d love that”, he curled the corner of his lips into a wry smile, “Y/n, you shouldn’t trouble yourself with such things. I have never seen any dead dwarf turning into stone in all my life - and I’ve seen many dwarves die”, he wrapped an arm around you and kissed the top of your braids. As morbid the truth sounded, you knew he was right. 

“I was thinking..”, Fili said, his feet made soft “plops” on the wet sand as he walked over to the two of you, “Is Amad dying?”. You tried to mask the horrified look on your face while Thorin shifted uncomfortably. 

“Y/n, you take this”, he mumbled under his breath before stepping away. You lowered your eyebrows at him and picked Fili up.

You never thought to ask Dis about how much he knew because you would naturally expect him to be informed. Beginning your walk to the boulder where you discarded your shoes you explained slowly, “No, my sweet darling, your Amad is fine”, you sat him down and dusted the sand off his feet and reached for his tiny boots. 

“Remember when we talked about your new baby brother or sister you’ll be having soon?”, you didn’t know where to begin.

“Yeah?”, his face lit up.

“Well..where do you think little dwarflings come from?”.

His face scrunched up as he thought hard, “Hmm..Adad told me that Mahal makes babies from stone. Amad told me my brother or sister is in her belly and that they’d come out when they’re grown and ready”, you thanked Aule that he was told _something_.

“So..”, his brow was set firmly while he tried to put two and two together, “So Amad ate a baby rock and just like food..she’s going to poop it out?”, he looked pleased as he looked at you expectantly to verify his theory. 

You heard Thorin stifle a chuckle a few feet away from the two of you. You took a deep breath, “Well..not quite. There’s a special place in the body where babies come from. Everything else is right though”, you nodded not wanting to get into the subject of sex - better leave that for Dis and Turil. 

“Your Amad needs time alone to bring the baby to this world..and that’s what she’s doing now”, you smoothed his blond cowlicks.

“But she looked so pale when I left. Why can’t I be with her? Is it difficult to bring babies to life?”. You felt like you were walking on eggshells. Dis had some complications and had begun bleeding 5 weeks before the due date. Turil had been away on a quick business trip and he was sent for at once and Fili had been brought over the moment that things seemed to get out of hand. Fili needed to be looked after and he couldn't be in a house with so much tension and panic.

Word was sent the following week that Dis was confined to her chambers but the bleeding has stopped and the baby was still moving and well. There was also a note about Turil being ambushed by orcs on the way back but he managed to escape with a few scratches. 

“I promise you, Fili, your mother is going to be perfectly fine.She needs you to stay here because...your uncle is very lonely and you’d be doing your Amad a great favor by being here”. His eyes flickered over to Thorin who gave him a slight nod then his eyes sparked alive again, “Will I get to see my little brother or sister soon?”.

“Very soon. In fact, we might have a raven from Nogrod when we get home”, you took his little hand and lead him towards the path back while Thorin followed leisurely.

* * *

Roh was sitting on the steps to the house when you arrived back just as the sun set on the valley. 

“A raven flew in for you”, she said handing you a rolled piece of parchment with Turil’s seal on it. “Go on inside Fili”, you said nudging him gently.

You flashed her a smile as you handed it to Thorin who had fallen behind to talk to Bofur. His face was somber as he unrolled the letter. No doubt that Bofur had brought him whispers of his father’s whereabouts. Thorin had stopped going away on these wild goose chases when you got pregnant and it was plain that it was eating him alive - he needed to find his father and be there for him - but you needed him too and he couldn’t risk leaving you.

You cocked your head at Roh who was fiddling with the end of her braid and smiling down at her feet.

“It’s a boy. We are invited to the christening”, Thorin said monotonously, “We should take Fili back tomorrow”. He walked past you into the house. You were elated at the news and you knew he was too, but he had much on his mind. Amidst your happiness a sigh escaped you.

“So Y/n!”, Bofur clapped your back and you jumped a little, “Did Roh tell you the good news?”, he grinned widely at the two of you while Roh blushed profusely. 

You looked between the two of them, “Noo..?”, you supplied slowly, your eyes searched her face till your eyes landed on something glittering in her braids.

A new bead. A new braid.

You gasped. Your eyes darted between the two of them lightning fast, “You..wha..how?”, your eyebrows shot up.

“He was very patient”, Roh smiled shyly. You bet he was because after the life Roh had, it couldn’t have been easy to gain her trust. 

“You have to tell me everything”, you grinned.

* * *

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. 

“How bad is it?” you asked in a hushed voice. Your heart thudded in your chest and your face felt numb. 

You had just arrived in Nogrod just as twilight turned into a moonless night. And as you stepped into Dis’ house, you were pulled aside by a healer and a dwarrowdam who was later introduced as Turil’s mother. 

“We fear for his life”, she trembled. You looked over shoulder to see Thorin and Fili being lead away, most likely to Dis’ room. 

“Does Dis know?”, you asked.

“Heavens no!”, Turil’s mother cried, “The lass is still recovering from the horrors of labor, she doesn't need this right now”.

“Lady Y/n, we have tried everything but nothing seems to be helping. Maybe you could do something..”, you nodded even though you couldn’t see how you could fix this if the more experienced healers couldn’t. Steadying your nerves, you followed them into a room in the far corner of the corridor. The air felt heavy and it smelt like burning herbs mixed with bodily fluids. Not a lot of light was let in through the drapes that covered the windows and the fire that burned in the hearth just added to the ominous atmosphere. Two healers stood by Turil’s motionless body on the large bed. As you approached you noticed his sweat dampened skin, shallow, raspy breathing and pale complexion. 

You gently pulled back the covers to reveal his bandaged abdomen that was begging to take on blood like the white sheets below him. You held back your emotions as best as you could because you couldn’t let them get in the way of saving him.

“We have to change the wrapping every few hours, the bleeding won’t stop”, one of the healers said dishearteningly. 

“Mahal just take him if you must and stop his suffering", his mother collapsed into a chair and began to sob silently. 

“We suspect some sort of poison we haven’t encountered before”, said the other healer.

You scavenged your brain for answers while asking to be directed to their herbs.

* * *

Leaning against the wall, you found your shaky voice, “I need to see Thorin”. The healer gave a slight nod and hurried off while you slowly shrank to the floor. You must looks a fright. The front of your dress was stained with blood, so were your hands and your hair was disheveled. But it didn’t matter. You had spent the rest of the night pouring various medication down Turil’s throat and applying a variety of healing techniques on his gaping wound. And in the wee hours of daybreak, after choking up blood, he had bled to death. 

You heard heavy footsteps thudding down the corridor and just as he turned, a look of relief washed over Thorin’s face. “Y/n..”, he took long strides to close the distance between the two of you. 

“I was looking for you the whole night, no one would tell me where you were or why everyone was acting strange”.

“What happened? Why are you covered in blood? Are you hurt?”, he looked angry, concerned and worried.

“N-no” you said with your face crumpling up in grief. You couldn’t help crying, “hold me”, you sobbed. And as usual, without question, that’s just what Thorin did.

* * *

It was decided that Thorin and Turil’s mother would tell Dis about the death of her husband.

You stood outside with Fili who you sensed knew something was wrong. You had changed your clothes and washed enough to look presentable to the little dwarfling. He grasped at your skirts nervously all the while eyeing the door to his mother’s chambers intently. 

You cleared your parched throat and tried to distract him, “Do you like your new brother?”.

His innocent face lit up in an immediate smile, “Yes, he is very friendly..I really like him. Even though he doesn’t have a lot of hair. He’ll grow to have a lot”.

“You must look after him”, you said stilling your voice, “No matter what happened, you’ll always have each other to count on because you are family”.

You held on to the startled child as a heartbroken shriek split through the house. 

“Amad?”.

* * *

Years slipped by. 

Happiness returned to your family once more. You had given birth to a healthy baby girl, Ilia, whom Thorin had named after his mother. She was growing more beautiful and brighter each day and the days of joy she brought your home were unlike anything you and Thorin had experienced before. Her father loved her above all and she was his sparkling blue eyed treasure. 

She was stubborn as her father and knew to stick her bottom lip out so prettily to get her way. With her blonde curls and rosy pink lips and cheeks, she reminded you of your sister, Iari .

Everything was fine. You were happy. Your family was happy. 

Over the years you had noticed an increase in Thorin’s “work related” journeys to the East. He was a dwarven weapon-smith and it was understandable that people from other realms would want his crafts, but you were his wife and you knew he was looking for his father. 

But one day he returned looking like his mind was still far away in whatever land he came back from. You had just finished cleaning up the dinner table and getting Ilia ready for bed. She was drawing on a pad of paper while you folded up some laundry when he walked in through the front door. 

“Adad!”, Ilia squealed abandoning her art and rushing into her father’s arms. He never failed to give her all the love he could, he showered her with kisses before carrying her over to you to give you a loving kiss and a one handed hug. 

“I missed you”, he mumbled into your hair, “I missed you both”, he laughed kissing Ilia again.

You smiled back, “Any troubles on the way?”, you asked referring to the earlier look on his face.

“No”, he said shortly and sat Ilia down on the couch as he took the thick fur mantle off his shoulders. 

“Were you alright here?”, he asked after a brief pause.

“Yes. Aside from Ilia’s little fight with the Stonefoot boys..”, you threw her a look as she buried her face in Thorin’s tunic.

“Is that so?”, he looked down fondly at her and tousled her golden ringlets, “Now what’s this fighting business about lass?”.

She mumbled something incomprehensible into his tunic. 

“That’s the third time you had gotten into a fight this month, Ilia”, you said gently before setting the finished laundry basket on the floor.

You weren’t angry at her, it was natural for young dwarflings to have a go at each other, especially if they had Thorin’s temperament. But she has been getting hurt and too frequently. 

“They make fun of me”, she said more audibly.

“Why?”, Thorin’s voice dipped a few octaves lower.

She didn’t look up when her tiny frame heaved a sigh and replied “They say I’m the reason they don’t have a home anymore”.

“Hogwash!”, you sputtered out in rage.

Thorin’s face turned red, “Lass..”, he lifted her up in his arms and searched her teary little face.

A series of sobs was followed by, “I’m not, am I?”.

“No, of course not.”, he said firmly.

“I’m going to have a talk with their parents tomorrow”, you said calmly, “They ought to know what kind of brats they’re raising”..

“You are in no way responsible for any of heir misfortunes”, he wiped her cheeks dry and started walking to her room, “It’s way past your bedtime”.

“Goodnight, Amad”, she mumbled.

“Goodnight, my precious star”, you replied affectionately.

Children can be such bullies you fumed as you picked up Thorin’s discarded mantle and put it away. You knew people respected Thorin and didn’t blame him for what happened, but sometimes they get frustrated with things and wish they were still living the days of old. And lately there has been talk of Thorin’s right to Erebor and that he should fight for it. You had ignored them and rarely discussed Erebor with Thorin. You didn’t want to encourage him and send him on some meaningless quest that could very well get him killed. 

You finished a few more chores waiting for Thorin to come back. Finishing the sweeping, you began to scrub some of the pots and pans that you had left to soak. 

“She’s asleep”, he said returning to the kitchen. You smiled over your shoulder, “Thank you”.

He flopped down at the table and lifted his feet on to the chair next to him then lit his pipe. That’s when you knew for certain that something was definitely wrong; you disapproved of smoking in the house and boots on furniture.

You continued scrubbing the pot in your hands as you non convincingly said, “No smoking in the house, love”.

He blew out a cloud of smoke, brought his feet to the ground and leaned forward without putting his pipe out.

“Y/n..I was at Bree”.

He rarely told you the specifics of his trips, because it would just bore you..or that’s what he said at least. 

“Oh? That’s nice. Did y-”

“You see what they say don’t you?”, he burst out and the pot almost slipped out of your hands, “They ridicule her”.

You didn’t say anything for a while.

“The Stonefoots aren’t even from Erebor, they have nothing to complain about”, you voiced your thoughts out loud.

“I have a duty to these people. As long as I am idle I am not being the King they deserve”.

You didn’t like where this conversation was going. 

“What happened in Bree?”, you asked quietly.

You could hear him blowing out another cloud of smoke as you glared at the pot in your hands with your back to him.

“I met Gandalf”, his eyes flickered over to your very tense form, “He gave me the key to Erebor...Y/n..there is another way in”. You scrubbed the pristine pot furiously.

“We need to take back our home..there are darker forces with worse intentions than Smaug who may take it”.

You had heard enough, throwing the dish rag down in anger, “So what now? You’re gonna walk into the mountain and ask Smaug to leave?! With what army? Thorin, you have a daughter..a family”, your voice shook, “you have _me_ ”.

“Y/n..”

“You can’t just leave”.

He rose to his feet, setting his pipe down he walked over to you and gently pulled you to his chest.

“Amralime, I am doing this for you. I want you and Ilia to have a better life..”

“But we _are_ happy. Aren’t you?”, you cried.

“I’m happy if you’re next to me. But I can’t let my kingdom be forgotten or let it fall into the wrong hands. My love..please understand..”, he said into your hair all the while kissing your braids.

You pulled back all of a sudden, furious and frustrated. How can he be so selfish? Squirming out of his grasp you stormed out of the kitchen and into your room before slamming the door shut.

A pained sigh left Thorin’s lips.

* * *

Gandalf sent word that Thorin and whoever he decided to travel with should meet with him in some house in the Shire in two weeks time.

Thorin had gathered his best men and trusted companions and would journey to the North before he would join the others in the Shire. He had arranged for the clans to meet and decide on a strategy to take back the mountain.

The days of the week went by frighteningly fast. 

In those days you barely spoke to Thorin and kept intimacy to a minimum. You couldn’t bare to speak to him or endure his touch without feeling like your heart will stop in your chest from the searing pain it brought. You wanted to make the last days memorable but you couldn’t bring yourself to be happy..how could you when he was most likely walking into is doom.

Explaining what was happening to Ilia was not as difficult as you had anticipated. She knew very little about life before the fall of Erebor except for her lineage and she knew her father had to leave on journeys sometimes but this time it would be a little longer. 

It was the last night Thorin would spend at the house before he sets off on his quest in the morning. Like the nights after the night he had spoken to you about his plans to reclaim Erebor, you lay on the bed you shared with Thorin, alone and with tears in your eyes. Thorin was under the impression that you didn’t want him next to you and that was probably for the best. 

You didn’t want the sun to rise in the morning, you didn’t want to watch him leave. Pressing your face into your pillow you let out a series of hushed sobs. 

The door creaked open and you tried to regain your composure without moving a muscle. You heard the door slide shut and feet approach the bed. You squeezed your eyes shut, not wanting to turn around. The bed dipped with Thorin’s weight as he sat down.

“Y/n?”

You were too stubborn to reply. 

“Y/n, please..I don’t want to leave us like this..”, his broken voice said much more than his words did. “I couldn’t possibly survive this without your blessing..just let me lay next to you tonight?”, he sounded content to do just that and you couldn’t refuse him.

He took your silence as permission - he knew your body language too well. He laid down next to you and pulled the covers over him. You could feel his warmth just a few inches away from your skin and it drove you nearly to the brink of madness. You felt his soft breathing fall on the back of your exposed neck and you found yourself wanting to turn around and hug him. But you didn’t.

“You looked beautiful today. Just like everyday”, he propped himself up on one elbow and gazed down at your still body and tried to remember every detail. Just as he noticed the marriage braid coming undone, he involuntarily reached out to redo it. You jumped a little in surprise. 

“I’m sorry..”, he said a little hurt. 

You shook your head and beckoned him to continue. You relaxed into his touch and let him finish. Oh, how you’ll miss him.

He laid back down and tucked a few locks behind your ear, “I love you so much, Y/n. I hope you won’t forget that”.

He kissed the back of your head, “I’ll find my way back to you”.

His words somehow settled your mind long enough for you to stop being anxious and try to focus on being next to him. You watched the embers flicker on the hearth opposite the bed as you let your mind wander between dreams and reality.

* * *

You jolted upright on your bed. 

It was early morning and the Thorin was no longer next to you. Your anger and stubbornness vanished suddenly and left ashes in your mouth. How could you have been so cruel? You were the truly selfish one. Sprinting out of the bedroom you noticed his bedroll was gone and after checking on your sleeping daughter you locked the front door and ran down the path in your nightclothes.

Maybe you weren’t too late. Maybe you could still catch him. You needed to tell him to be safe..and that you loved him. Your bare feet threatened to slip under the dewy grass and your skin felt the nip of the cold morning air, but you couldn’t care less. You must right this before he left. 

The house that was coming up was Avila’s and you would have gone right past it if you hadn’t noticed Thorin’s pony who was tied to a post and nearly covered by low lying shrubbery. 

Thorin was just stepping out when he noticed you. Your heart leaped for joy. He looked concerned when he hurried down the steps and took a few steps forward. You ran at him and threw your arms around his neck and wrapped your legs around his hips. He grunted a little and quickly held you close to his chest. 

“I love you too, Thorin Oakenshield”, that was the first time you had used that name - it was given to him after the battle of Azanulbizar. You cupped his face in your hands and placed impatient kisses all over.

He laughed in surprise, “You came...my most treasured treasure”.

He steadied your face with one hand and caught your lips in a sweet, passionate kiss. You felt his sadness at the thought of leaving and his immense happiness that he got to say goodbye and hold you. 

His thumb ran down your spine over the thin fabric of the nightdress and rested on your hip. You lost yourself in his embrace and memorized how his touch feels and how delicious his kisses are.

“Goodness! Y/n..what are you doing here in your underclothes?”, Avila’s voice came from behind Thorin.

Bofur chuckled joining her with Roh and Gloin behind him, “Came to steal one last kiss, Y/n?”. You blushed as you slid off Thorin and fixed your short dress around you.

Avila and Roh looked like they had been crying - quite understandable as their husbands were leaving too. “Thorin, we’ll be getting a head start and I hope you have success with the meeting of the clans”, Bofur said clapping him on the back.

“Travel safe”, he retorted.

Avila draped a quilt around you to stop your shaking and left with Roh to bid their partners goodbye. You bowed and gave them your blessings before turning to Thorin.

You placed your hands in his and really looked at him.

He was no longer the boy prince from the palace. The hard years of wisdom showed on his face; a few streaks of grey hair framed his still beautiful face. Tiny crows feet spread out from the corners of his eyes and still his eyes burned strong like a young lad’s. He was now the King he was destined to be.

“Âkminrûk zu..(Thank you)”, you said resting your forehead against his.

“For what ‘ibin abnâmul (golden treasure)?”, he smiled.

“For giving me the best years of my life. For making me happier than I ever dreamed I could be”.

He brushed his lips against yours, “I believe the pleasure was all mine”.

“Be safe..”, you kissed his knuckles, “Mahal watches over you, my King. You are strong enough to overcome anything.”. He smiled in gratitude.

“And watch out for Fili and Kili”, you added. It was unfathomable how your two teenage rascal nephews managed to convince Dis to let them go.

“ I will..and I’ll be back soon to take you home”, he promised. With one last kiss he hesitantly untangled himself from you and mounted his pony.

Taking one last look at you he bowed his head and kicked his pony into a gallop. You watched his figure grow smaller in the distance as you were joined by Roh and Avila.

Avila rested a hand on your shoulder sympathetically. There you were. Three wives of three Durin warriors left to pray for their lives.

“Well..I’ll put the kettle on”, Avila said trying not to sound so exhausted and lighten the mood.

Roh followed her in and you stood there on the steps for a while longer. Pulling the quilt tighter around you, you felt odd. You couldn’t explain it..maybe you just feared for him, which was quite normal..or maybe you missed him already. 

You only prayed that he would return to you, safe and unharmed. But how could you know the future..


End file.
